When the Truth Breaks the Silence
by Melodie Mayfair
Summary: Separated by choices made in the past, Sakura and Syaoran must find a way back to each other in more ways than one. With the end drawing steadily near...will the veil of silence between them ever be really broken?
1. Ain't no sunshine

"I'll say goodbye for the two of us: when the truth breaks the silence"

Disclaimer: not mine, never will be.

No money so don't bother to sue.

Authors Notes: here it goes

This is a sequel to "I'll say goodbye for the two of us"

Since I hadn't intended to write one you'll have to forgive me if this one sucks

The words in italics are fragments of the song "Ain´t no sunshine" by Bill Withers. It is of course used unauthorized (surprise). No infragment intended, though. I don't think this is really a songfic, but the song just jumped into my mind while writing and I decided to include it.

Some parts are written in Syaoran´s POV and some in… let's call it 3º person. I did this because it was easier to write this way

means thoughts

` ´makes references to past statements or sayings

___means a change of scene or POV

Feedback of any kind is welcome.

And last but not least…

DEDICATORY: this is dedicated to the people who reviewed my story and made such nice comments. Eternal fire, Vegeta´sHotBabe13, Fuusaki, favoured kid, obiwankatie, Digi Star, SoulSister, Aramoon, Lil Blossom, fireblaze, Realla Nights, fallen_angel :this is for you. I just thought it was the best way to pay back your support, I can't thank you enough.

Enjoy!!!

Special dedicatory to Sakura491: I'm sorry you didn't like it!! I know it's sad but it will have a nice ending, I promise!!

"I'll say goodbye for the two of us: when the truth breaks the silence"

by cherry blossom

_"__Ain't__ no sunshine when she's gone_

_It's not warm when she's away_

_Ain't no sunshine when she's gone_

_She's gone much too long_

_Anytime she goes away…_

Darkness.

That's all there is these days. For me at least, because the world seems to go on at ease. 

Just to show contradiction, it seems, days have been the most beautiful Tomoeda has ever seen. According to others, but not for me. Without my cherry blossom there's nothing. No sunshine, no bloom, not a single thing seems other than sad.

And if days are bad, nights are worse.

Just to be in my room without her brings a pain in my chest I wouldn't have thought possible. Heart-ache. And it's not just that. What is, to love someone so much it physically hurts not to have near? I don't believe there's a name, but it certainly is what's happening to me…

My Sakura, where are you? 

_…Ain't no sunshine when __she's gone _

_Wonder if she's gone to stay_

_Ain´t no sunshine when she's gone_

_And this house just ain´t no home_

Anytime she goes away"

_ _

Days have passed and still not a sign from her. Though I suppose I shouldn't expect one, she said so. I remember her final words clearly. Sneaky way to say goodbye, she made sure I'd listen but I wouldn't be able to hold her back. One would think she'd at least give me the reason, but nooo just the `you'll understand someday´ crap. Shit!! I'm doing it again. I try to transform my sadness in to anger so I won't miss her so much. But I can't. I love her too much.

Come back, my love. 

I can't take it anymore 

Li Syaoran sat in the bench beside the Sakura tree. The bench which had been witness of many of their encounters. He closed his eyes and pictured his cherry blossom. Her auburn hair, shinning to the light and silky to his touch. Her evergreen eyes,those eyeswhich had stole his heart. Her face, her body, everything. He ached to touch her, to kiss her, to make sure she would always be there. But he couldn't, for reasons he didn't evenknow. How could this happen? he thought. Was I so blind I couldn't see it coming?She knows how much I love her!! What could have possibly forced her to leave me??

Then something came to his mind. The dream? No, he had made sure she was okay after that. It had taken weeks for her to sleep again, but it had ended fine. Unless, unless it hadn't. Something else had happened and she hadn't told him. Something really big, if it had made her leave. But why hadn't she told him? Why?? Didn't she trust him? God, with all that had happened in their he thought she would always trust him.

Then it struck him. Her final words `you wouldn't understand´ What does she mean I wouldn't understand?! I'd do anything to keep her by my side!! he thought angrily Anything…

Syaoran gasped realizing what he had just thought. And the horrible pool of feelings came down on him again, this time with one he knew so well: guilt.

She was right. As always I'm just a selfish bastard who would do anything to have her. Even at her own risk. I haven't changed at all since I first arrived here. I still out myself before others

Exhausted, he put his head in his hands and cried once again.

A dark figure watched the usually strong boy lose composure helplessly. Just the way I planned it he thought and smiled with self-satisfaction. It had all been way easier than he had thought. He had heard the reputation of the cardcaptors and they had sounded invincible. But they weren't. If there was something he had learned in all his years of training was that nothing was unshakable. You just had to find the weak spot… Many thought that the cardcaptors love was their strength. But as trueas that was he knew he could manipulate them with it. The girl would have never let her love die, that was clear. She would have chosen to die over that. And how close she was to her wish…

On the other hand, the boy had the worst self-blaming case he had ever seen. It would destroy him to know his love was suffering because of him. And that's exactly what I have in my mind…

Notes: Okay, I was going to write a one-shot sequel but I want to make it right and it does take time. Since I don't want you to get impatient I'll be posting it by parts. Thanks and sorry for the wait!!


	2. Realizations

"I'll say goodbye for the two of us: when the truth breaks the silence"

Disclaimer: This is so stupid, no one reads them anyway!!*sighs and shakes head dramatically* Ok: Card Captor Sakura and anything related do not belong to me I am just borrowing them for some time. Happy??

Author's Notes: As much as I enjoy writing this for you it takes a lot of time so I apologize if I make you wait too long or if it sucks (most likely!)

Feedback of any kind is welcome, please do review!!

The words in italics are a poem. It was based on the poem "The Field where I Died" by Robert Browing. I am using it unauthorized (OHHH SURPRISE) but I really like and I think it applies.

Dedicatory: This is, of course, for everybody who has reviewed my story. You guys are the best, I wouldn't be writing if it wasn't for you. THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! Keep doing it or better write to me (mili2004@hotmail.com)

"I'll say goodbye for the two of us: when the truth breaks the silence"

by cherry blossom 

mili2004@hotmail.com

Part Two

Sakura´s POV

Darkness.

That is all there is these days.

A wise man once said that through all darkness there is light. Well, he certainly hasn't been where I am now. Not in any mind can be a vague idea of what it is like. As I try to describe the first word that comes into my mind is…cold. Freezing cold. 

I struggle helplessly to the invisible binding around me. The worst feeling ever comes like a splash of icy water. Vulnerability. Knowing there is nothing I can do, that you are suffering for my faults and I can't be there to help you, to heal you. 

It didn't take long enough to realize that my choice was wrong. I am so stupid!! Anger, resentment, and the familiar feeling of guilt rush through me like lightning. Towards who has done this to you, to us. And towards myself, for being the brainless shit I am.

I have nothing left to do. I can only hope for you to realize what has happened and to hate me, instead of the self-blame you are surely going through.

**********************************************************************

It was a cool night, a light breeze rumbled through the trees. The moon shone brightly and stars sparkled like diamonds.

A lonely figure stood in the terrace of an apartment. He had a picture in his hand and was looking at it absorbedly, as though nothing else mattered. Where are you? he thought for the millionth time.

Li Syaoran checked his watch. 4:30 AM. He sighed, thinking of how little he slept this days. As tired as he was, his consciousness refused to give in, making him feel like a living corpse full-time. But not easing his pain…

Nights were long. Time seemed determined to draw out his suffering, as if wanting to kill him. I wish I would he thought I wish it would end Suddenly he felt angry with himself. Great, Syaoran. Here you are drowning in self-compassion while your girl could be suffering somewhere else. You're doing nothing to help her, nothing at all. And you call yourself a warrior!! Yeah, some warrior you are, never around while needed…

He shuddered at the selfish person he was. His eyes filled with tears and he let them flow through his cheek. He couldn't believe how much he had cried these days. But he didn't really care. Pride had been lost a long time ago…

All of a sudden the phone rung, startling him. 

"Hello?" he said

"Li? This is Tomoyo". Her voice sounded scratchy, as if she were about to cry

"What's wrong?" he asked worriedly

"Sorry to call this late, I would have waited till morning but…"

"But?"

"Uh, it's a bit long and, um, I'd feel better talking face to face. Could you come over please?" She sounded desperate.

"I'll be right there"

Daidouji Tomoyo shed a tear that was rolling down her cheeks. It seemed to her it was all she did later, crying. Shehad never felt so sad. And if I'm sad it's nothing compared to what Li must be feeling she thought worriedly.

"What did he say" asked Kero in a low voice.

"He is coming now" she replied

Syaoran wondered what had happened now. Tomoyo had sounded really upset and, even though they had never been close friends, he still remembered how she had helped him with Sakura back when they were all 10 and he didn't know how to tell Sakura his feelings. A half-smile appeared on his face as he remembered the happy times. I wish I could go back to those timeshe thought sadly.

He noticed he was in front of Tomoyo´s house. Even before he knocked Tomoyo opened the door.

"Come in" she said softly and closed the door behind him. She led him to the living room and asked him to sit down.

"What is this all about?" he asked.

"I've been wanting to see you" said Kero

"Kero!!! Have you-

"I know and the reason I called you here is that" Kero replied

"Kero-chan has an idea to find her" Tomoyo said, her voice barely above a whisper.

"You do? What?? What can I do?? Tell me!!!" he demanded.

"It's not a simple spell and it requires a bit of powerful magic behind for it to work"

"I told him I thought you were the best person for this" said Tomoyo unsuccessfully trying to give him a smile. Her eyes filled with tears and she looked away.

Syaoran went to her side and took her hand.

"We'll find her. I promise" he said and let his voice catch on.

"Oh, Li" said Tomoyo as she cried on his shoulder.

Syaoran patted her back, soothing her as an old poem jumped to his mind…

_`At times I almost dream._

_I too, have spend a time the sages' way_

_and tread once more familiar paths._

_Perchance I perished in arrogant self-reliance_

_an age ago._

_And in that act, a prayer for one more chance_

_went up so earnest, so… instinct with bether _

_light let in by death that life was blotted out not_

_so completely… but scattered wrecks of it enough_

_to remain dim memories. As now…_

_when seems…once more…the goal is in sight_

_again.´_

_ _

Maybe it'll be all righthe thought allowing himself to hope after all that time.

Maybe…

The dark figure that had been watching the whole scene was shaking with anger The stupid Guardian of the cards could ruin it allhe thought furiously I'll have to take care of him as well

Having one last look he disappeared into the night…

Notes: OK, I have absolutely no idea on how to continue so please mail me your ideas and comments to [mili2004@hotmail.com][1]

Sayonara!!!!!!!!!!!

   [1]: mailto:mili2004@hotmail.com



	3. A long night

****

Authors Notes:

After a long period of silence, I'm back. 

To those who don't remember much of the plot, or have just started reading it I'll freshen your mind. In my #1 ff "I'll say goodbye for the two of us" (the prequel to this fic), 18-year-old Sakura makes the hardest choice in her life: to leave her beloved Syaoran. This is due to circumstances beyond their control, or so she thought. I think it would probably be better if you read that fic before, but it isn't absolutely necessary. 

Anyway, in the previous chapters, everything has been pretty much Syaoran sided. So I decided to include this piece, with a Sakura's pov and the rest of the chapter seen through her eyes (in 3rd person, though). I'll probably be posting chapters every now and then, as soon as I get more of this story written (don't have much time these days).

This fic is dedicated to my wonderful, loyal, beloved reviewers. I have not forgotten your doubts about all the incidents, so don't worry. Everything will be explained here or in future chapters.

WARNING: This fic, and it's prequel are stories of high emotional contents. If you are a very sensitive person, do not read any of them. It sent some of my faithful reviewers over the edge, and had my less sensitive friends in tears. It will break your heart, but hopefully you'll read and review anyway. 

FEEDBACK: Please DO review, or mail me at mili2004@hotmail.com, indicating you are reviewing and which story you have you read. Remember it's best to read "I'll say goodbye for the two of us" first. Both stories take place in the same universe. Every single opinion is important to me, flames are more than welcome.

To everyone who hasn't been discouraged or frightened by the notes above, get yourselves a Kleenex, and set off in this journey with me.

Enjoy!

"I'll say goodbye for the two of us: when the truth breaks the silence"

Part three: "A long night"

by cherry blossom

__

The moon's up and the sun's down

And a thousand starry eyes have caught me crying

You don't die of a broken heart

You just lie down and give up trying

And it's gonna be a long night, long night

Trying to get through this all right

Keeping the teardrops out of sight

Waiting for morning light

It's gonna be a long night.

****

Sakura's POV

That song has been haunting ever since I got here. Ever since I had a long, hard look at the mirror and realized what a stupid, brainless, pathetic excuse for a person I am. 

It's a short, bittersweet song. Just nine verses, and yet says so much. It describes with the simplicity of words the most painful, shattering experience I've ever been through. But is it true? Whoever wrote this song hasn't been where I am. The pain, oh god, the harsh, intense, violent pain I'm feeling is enough to drain all hope away from me, to make me want to die. It seems so possible and tempting it makes me shudder. 

A broken heart...

Perfect choice of words. But in my case it doesn't seem possible that my strained, crushed, trembling heart could take much more before finally collapsing. A long night....

An endless night.

*************************************************************************************** 

Kinomoto Sakura let out a short, wheezing gasp as she tried to control the compelling flow of emotions that threat to overwhelm her. Shaking weakly she forced herself to find her way to the Special Place, as she had named it some time ago. How long? It was impossible for her to even have a vague idea. Time had lost constancy there. She seemed to live in a world were nights fused into nights continuously. Where pain never had a break. Where darkness was the beginning and the end of everything. 

It was enough to drive anyone crazy. And as she neared the limits of insanity, she realized she would have completely lost it if it weren't for the Special Place...

She drew in a sharp breath as she lost balance and fell. She hit the cold floor almost without noticing. Everything she had gone through, what she was still enduring.....It was slowly but surely taking the last of humanity she had left. It was making her numb. It was degrading her living to simple existence. 

Why? Why was this happening to her? The harder she tried to concentrate the more her mind clouded over. Her brain seemed to be filled with a fog that got worse by the second.

She lay on her back feeling the last trace of strength being drained from her. She was so tired. Tired of this cold, dark place. Tired of everything hurting so much. It even hurt to breathe. Part of her was telling her to give up, to stop the struggle, to simply give in. But another part kept tugging at her heart, and the more she felt lost, the more insistent it got. But what did it want? Sakura had finally gotten to a decisive point. She was on a one way road, which would probably lead her to nowhere. It was time to stop trying to think, and maybe listen to her heart. It would be painful, but there was nothing left to do. She took a quivering breath in, and started searching through her anguished, troubled heart.

Distortioned images appeared before her eyes, fragmented and blurred. Portions of a life that didn't seem to belong to her. Blinded by the cold darkness of the place in which she was now, Sakura had forgotten there vas something, anything, besides pain. That there was life, a world that wasn't perfect, but wonderful anyhow. And that she had been part of it once.

The dim memories, were becoming more defined and accurate, emotions were becoming stronger and ran through her heart leaving trails that warmed her up like she could have never imagined. Faces flashed before her, as she tried to place them somewhere in her memories. A black-haired, violet-eyed young girl, with a pleasant smile and an unbelievable kindness in her eyes lingered at first. She was holding a video camera in her hand. Tomoyo, oh, Tomoyo, my dear friend Sakura thought as she recalled all the moments they had shared. The costumes she made for her, the never missing video taping, the sly and clever matchmaking that characterized her bright, incredible friend. Her everlasting, unconditional friendship warmed her up, gave her the strength she needed to continue on this journey through a life that was beginning to feel hers again. The came what seemed to be a stuffed animal, only it was moving, and saying something... more chocolate pudding? Sakura suddenly felt the desire to laugh, something she could barely remember You just loved food, didn't you, Kero-chan?

A tall man with light brown and glasses came next. A sincere, loving smile in his face and in his eyes reminded Sakura what an incredible person he was Dad.... how I miss you Then appeared a tall boy with dark hair and a defiant expression in his face that, nevertheless, couldn't hide the love and adoration in his eyes when he looked at her. Sakura remembered now the treat he had always gotten from her overprotective oni-chan. But you did those things because you loved me, Touya. And I love you right back The person that came next represented an incredible step in Sakura's recalling mission. A beautiful woman, with long wavy hair, and eyes filled with a caring gentleness that amazed Sakura. She could see this woman's soul right through her eyes, and the pure love she felt made her shake with emotion from head to toes. Mom Sakura's eyes filled with tears Can you see me, Mom? Can you see the longing and love I feel for you? Can you help me through this icy night? She could almost feel the gentleness of her touch.

More and more faces came to her, making her heart swell, clearing her mind, unleashing her soul. 

But something was still missing. Who? Sakura tried with all her might to remember but the effort was draining the little energy she had left. I have to do this. I need to do this Everyone she had remembered passed again before her, sending messages of love and encouragement. Come on she told herself You can do it...

And suddenly, all her efforts, all her faith and hope, all the love and life, all the pain darkness and misery came together and led her to the final thing to remember. To the person that was buried deepest in her heart.

Syaoran she though with a pool of feelings going through her, falling like a cascade. So many, but she could make one out of all.

Love.

Everything, all the moments they had shared, their endless support for one another, their adventures while capturing the Clow Cards the incredible friendship that turned into love within the years. It all came back to her, overwhelming her in the most wonderful way. The bond that they shared was so strong, Sakura could almost see a light through all the darkness.

She remembered his messy brown hair, his fiery amber eyes, windows of his kind, honest, pure soul. Those eyes that said so much, that contained the most wonderful set of emotions when directed to her. His voice, which quavered slightly when he told her he loved her, as if not being able to control his feelings. His hands, those strong caring hands that still sent shivers down her spine when he touched her.

She loved him utterly, mindlessly. Being without him was unconceivable.

This last thought was so passionate, so fierce, it made her get up and continue her way to the Special Place. Slowly but with a lot of determination, Sakura finally got to her destination.

As she entered the room, she felt her heart lighter than ever since she had been there. As she looked through the tiny window (probably an unnoticed flaw of who had put her there) into the immense, starry sky, she allowed herself to hope again. She loved life. Everything about it. She was not to be defeated by this. The stars twinkled, as if winking at her, agreeing with her thoughts.

She would overcome this. She owed it to her friends, to her family, to her love.

And she owed it to herself.

There, in the middle of the darkness surrounding her, Sakura's heart was all light and love once more.


	4. We'll find a way

****

Authors Notes:

This chapter is a bit longer than the other ones, simply because I had so much inside of me while writing, I had to get the most I could in words. For the big S+S fans out there, do not worry after you read this chapter. This fic is S+S all the way. Whatever happens between Syaoran and Tomoyo, is no more than an incredibly strong friendship, based on the support they are giving each other through the dark times when Sakura is gone.

I know I haven't gotten very far on with the story in this chapter, but I really wanted to give you a full description of what's going on. I think characterization is a fundamental part of every fanfic, in fact (along with a good plot, a smooth development and a correct grammatical structure) the foundation of the whole story.

I promise more action in following chapters, and to Eriol fans, do not worry, he will appear and take a good part on this story.

Any doubt you have, just read and review, and give me your opinion. Flames are more than welcome.

Dedicatory: This is for syaoran_lover, who made me blush with her praise, and for sarah-chan, who reviewed 5 times and touched my heart with her comments. You guys are the best!! I can't believe you actually started my fan club...

I also wanted to thank everyone else who reviewed, I have not forgotten about you. It's just that if you read syaoran_lover and sarah-chan's reviews you'd see why I remember them so well. ;)

Anyway, I hope I'll be able to post more of this soon. Keep up those reviews!!

"I'll say goodbye for the two of us: When the truth breaks the silence"

Part four: "We'll find a way"

"Syaoran! Help me, please!"

A desperate Li Syaoran ran through the forest, listening intently, trying to figure out where the voice came from. Sword in hand, he dashed at an incredible speed, looking behind every tree, inside every cave, a terrible feeling growing in his heart by the second.

"No, please! Don't! Stop that! SYAORAN!"

Oh my god, they're hurting her thought Syaoran, rage running through him, causing him to miss a step and fall down. Dammit! he thought, furious at himself for losing 3 valuable seconds. Calm down, you idiot, and listen. You are not going to find her like this He breathed deeply and concentrated with all his might on finding his Cherry Blossom. But it was no use. In whichever direction he ran, he seemed to get farther from his love. 

"Please...hurts...Syaoran..." the terrified voice that screamed before, was now a low, anguished sob, but it seemed to be nearer. Suddenly, Syaoran tripped over again, and was cursing when he saw a very well hidden hole in the ground. Covered with grass and leaves, he realized it was the reason he had just fallen over. He quickly brushed the leaves aside, revealing an entrance to a tunnel. Without further thought, he jumped in, preparing himself in case he was attacked.

The tunnel was long and dark, and led out to what looked like an old, medieval castle. Suddenly he shuddered. It was freezing cold down there, and the air seemed to be filled with pain and sorrow. Concentrating hard, he could trace a pink aura at the end. His worries increased, as he sensed her aura to be very weak. He quickened his step, wanting to get there faster.

He entered the castle, which was even worse than the tunnel. The anguish inside was so strong, it was almost tangible.

He kicked down doors, ran stairs taking 3 steps at a time, in his mind a picture of his Cherry Blossom. Finally, he got to a door, and feeling her aura, knew she was on the other side. He opened the door, his fears about how he would find his love mounting at an incredible height. Her aura felt fainted, vague, and he couldn't hear her anymore. 

And when he finally saw her, his worst fears were confirmed.

She was sitting on the floor, completely immobile. She was extremely thin, weak-looking. Syaoran could make out the shape of her bones. She was dressed all in black, in what he supposed was a dress once, only in was so ripped and ragged it seemed like simple pieces of cloth hung over his Ying Fa. It left her shoulders, part of her back and belly uncovered. Her face was deadly white. She had to be freezing.

But she didn't tremble the slightest bit. In fact, she was so steady and still she seemed to be captured in a picture. Syaoran hesitated as he got a bit closer, afraid all would shatter in a million pieces. He situated himself in front of her, amazed at this.... He was about to say "still life" but one look at his beloved Sakura's eyes made him think otherwise.

If he had been scared at her diminished appearance, what her eyes reflected terrified him to death. As everything else, her eyes were steady, and fixed upon something she could only see. He tried to make out some feeling in them, but there was nothing. Absolutely nothing. He had hoped for anything, even hate towards him, but there was not a single emotion in her emerald eyes. They looked dead. Syaoran couldn't assure himself this was not entirely true.

Suddenly he couldn't take it anymore. He pulled her in his arms flinching at how cold her skin felt.

"Sakura..." he cried, his voice scratchy, tears in his eyes "Sakura, please forgive me. Talk to me, say something please" Even if he desperately tried to keep in control he realized he was losing it.

"Syaoran" He heard something, a voice barely above a whisper 

"Syaoran where are you? Why? How could you let this happen?" lamented Sakura, the look in her eyes still the same.

"Sakura! Please, look at me! What's wrong with you, let me help! Where does it hurt? Please Sakura!" he cried, every one of her words was a stab in his heart. But then he realized Sakura wouldn't listen. She was not trapped in a physical place, but in her own mind. Somewhere where he couldn't reach her.

As the darkness around them grew, a tormented cry could be heard, echoing in the night.

"Sakura!!!"

************************************************************************

"Sakura!!!"

Li Syaoran woke up in cold sweat, trembling from head to toes, his heart about to burst. He held his hand to his chest, breathing painfully as he tried to recall what had happened. Another goddam dream he thought. He had gotten used to those. 

They had started exactly the night he met Kero again in Tomoyo's house. Kero had said something about a chance in finding Sakura, using an ancient spell. But the stuffed animal had suddenly forgotten what the spell was, so he flew away looking for his lost memories. Meanwhile, Syaoran and Tomoyo had been left there, with nothing to do, which caused them to feel stupid and useless.

So they would get together every day, alternating houses or simply going for a walk, heading nowhere in special. Sometimes they would talk. Sometimes they would simply hold hands, each one taking and giving support to one another. But they were thankful for having each other, and their friendship became stronger, preventing them to fall apart.

Syaoran was especially thankful for having Tomoyo. He would have given up if it weren't for her. One look at Tomoyo's pained, heart-broken look in her eyes was enough to pull himself together. He had always considered her a very good-hearted, sensitive person. He admired her for her clever mind, and kind heart. But he had never thought of her as a strong person. He had thought he needed to be strong for both of them. But Tomoyo had proven to be everything but delicate. She has been the strong one really thought Syaoran with a ghost of a smile on his face If I haven't completely lost it, it's because of her

Just then the phone rang.

"Li" he simply muttered.

"Syaoran?" said a very upset voice on the other side of the phone.

"Tomoyo? What's wrong? Are you all right?" said Syaoran, with the vague feeling he had had a conversation like this sometime before.

"I'm...-" Tomoyo's voice was trembling uncontrollably, and she started crying. "Please Syaoran, come. I need you" she choked between sobs.

"I'll be right there" 

************************************************************************* 

A very frightened Tomoyo hung up the phone. Shaking roughly she went into the hall and sat on a chair, knowing that Syaoran wouldn't take long to get there. To anyone who looked, she was the personification of misery itself. She had gotten extremely thin, there were dark circles under her eyes, and her usual kind, pleasant, good-natured way, had been replaced by a quiet, sad, tormented look in her eyes. 

She brought her legs up and hugged her knees seeking comfort within herself, until Syaoran got there. Syaoran....

She couldn't believe how much their relationship had changed. They had always got along, he being a quiet, reserved person, and she being the easy-going girl she was. But ever since Sakura...She struggled even to think about it. Ever since that had happened, they had become incredibly close, dependent to one another. He had opened his heart to her, told her his fears in the most sincere way. She had been touched by this trust he was putting on her, and had paid back in the same way. She had listened to him curse himself and everyone in the world, she had held his hand quietly while he gazed into the sky looking for answers, she had held him when he cried...

And it had helped her a lot. She had a reason now. A very good reason to remain in this world of pain and darkness, of sorrow and anguish. She shuddered remembering how many times she had contemplated her own death, trying to find reasons to live, but not finding a single one. Tears streaming down her face, she thanked god for having such a wonderful friend now.

Exhausted, she rested her head on her knees.

And that's exactly how Syaoran found her.

****************************************************************************** 

"Tomoyo!!!" Syaoran shouted, having hurriedly opened the door with the key Tomoyo had given him some time ago. He quickly ran to her side and kneeled in front of her "What's wrong Tomoyo?" he asked gently.

Tomoyo looked up to the Chinese warrior and her eyes filled with tears. "Syaoran..." she said quietly, allowing him to pick her up and carry her to a sofa. Syaoran deposited her very carefully there. She looked so fragile to him. "Tomoyo, when was the last time you had something to eat?" he asked in a severe tone. Tomoyo lowered her head Please, I don't want to go through this again, oh please, don't ask... Syaoran sighed. He had already been through this with her. He was worried sick because she wasn't eating, but no matter what he said she still didn't eat. She sank even deeper into the sofa. Oh, Tomoyo... he thought sadly. He got up and went to the kitchen to get her something to eat. He came back with a piece of bread and cheese and some tea. He sliced the bread into tiny pieces and handed it over to Tomoyo. Tomoyo thanked him silently and slowly started chewing on her toast. Familiar with the sick feeling in her stomach, she swallowed without complaint and decided to tell Syaoran the reason of her phone call.

"Syaoran..." she began.

"Tell me" he replied simply.

Tomoyo took a deep breath. How was she to explain? How could she put in words the anxiety these dreams had put her through?

"I've been having these...these dreams" she said softly, her voice barely above a whisper. Syaoran made a move as if he were about to say something, but decided not to. He merely nodded.

"Well, at first I thought they were just nightmares. Horrible nightmares about Sakura suffering and me never getting in time to help her, but no more than that. But it's been over 2 weeks and it hasn't stopped. Actually, I started having them exactly the night after-"

"The night after we got together with Kero" finished Syaoran for her. Tomoyo watched curiously as his face dawned with comprehension, evidently seeing some kind of pattern she was missing.

"How did you know? Syaoran" she asked, "What are you not telling me?"

"I've had dreams myself" he replied, a bitter smile in his face.

"What's that supposed to mean?" she asked, more confused than before.

"Well, doesn't it seem strange, that when Kero seems to have the right spell he suddenly loses part of his memory and can't remember it? And just when we are more determined, we start having frightening, discouraging nightmares? And haven't you felt a ver accentuated shadowy weight over your heart lately?" he said the frown on his face increasing.

Tomoyo's mouth fell open. That was exactly how she had been feeling, and now that he mentioned it, all those details did seem to fit together in a bigger picture. But what?

"What are you trying to say? What is it that is causing all this?"

"Probably the same thing that got hold of Sakura in the first place" he said simply, his eyes full of guilt and anger.

Tomoyo gasped. This was even worse. Not only they had taken Sakura away from them, but they were also using harsh methods against them, making it almost impossible for her to be found. Who the hell "they" were, only God knew. Her eyes filled with tears once again and she couldn't think clearly anymore. Holding tight onto Syaoran, she cried the loneliness, pain and sadness she felt inside.

Meanwhile, Syaoran was feeling worse knowing the forces they were fighting were stronger than planned, but nevertheless detected a touch of triumph in his bitter conclusions: at least they were a step ahead of them. They had figured out the evil plan against him, and he was sure to find a way to take advantage of it. He would do anything for his Cherry Blossom.

Whatever it took.


	5. Another chance

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Disclaimer: It is a cientific fact that 95 % of the readers skip the disclaimer completely and get right on the story. 

****

Authors Notes: 

Another chapter and I still haven't gotten ver far. But I've decided not to rush, not my style. There's more action in this one, but still not much.

There are major hints of E+T in this chapter, and there will me more in future chapters. Also, to Eriol fans, a big part of this chapter is seen through his eyes (but not in first person POV). You'll find thoughts and feelings of this curious character, some in reference to past events that haven't been explained yet. Do not worry, everything will be explained later. 

In case you are wondering, this fic still has a long way to go, and evil still hasn't had it's final battle.

This fic is dedicated to my faithful reviewers: Syaoran_lover, Emily-Hermione, ButterFly; heartie, Ruby-chan, Sarah-chan, sweetS+S.

Thanx, you guys. You shine a light in my way.

Enjoy!

"I'll say goodbye for the two of us: When the truth breaks the silence"

Part five: "Another chance"

by cherry blossom

"I will not" the voice said quietly but firmly

"My dear girl, do not be silly. Don't you understand I'm trying to help you? I care about you, I'm the only one who does" a smooth, cold voice retorted.

"No...that is not true..."

"It is, mistress, I am doing you a favor. I've taken you away from that horrible world, where people suffer and die, I've taken you away from all those people who hate you and only pretended to love you so that you would protect them. I am the only one who cares, and this is how you pay back??!!" anger rose in the second voice.

"No, I said no" the first voice said more determinedly

"I'm offering you everything, why won't you come to my side? You would have much more than what that pathetic little warrior could give you. And he won't last long anyway. None of them will"

*******************************************************************************

Kinomoto Sakura steadied her breathing as she tried to hold herself together. Pay no attention to his voice she commanded herself. Remember... 

"Remember what, my dear?" he asked coolly "Your memories are all painful. The day your mother died, the day your brother moved away, all those days of anxiety and uncertainty you experienced after a certain Chinese warrior turned his back on you."

"Y-you're lying" she said, her voice trembling "I used t-to be happy. My life wasn't p-perfect, but I loved it anyway. Syaoran did not turn his back on me!"

"You were alone. You were so desperately alone. You tried to mask it with a cheery smile and an energetic, unprocuppied attitude, but deep inside you were just an insecure, seeking soul. And you hated it so much. The way you felt lonely even in the middle of a crowd, the way no one seemed to fill the empty space in your heart, after he left. Even when he did came back, you weren't the same person."

Sakura was rythmically, shaking her head trying to block the voice that pierced her soul. 

"You tried to mask it" he continued "To everyone you were the unpreocuppied, cute 10-year-old again. But five years of insecurity and anguish left deep marks, didn't they my precious one? Only when nobody could see you you would let out those tears that filled your heart day after day, slowly, inevitably drowning you. How many nights, Sakura? How many nights did you sneak out to that hill near the sea and watch sunrise contrast directly with your soul?" 

"Stop" Sakura said weakly, her heart throbbing with pain. He had hit in the right place, but how? How did he know all those things about her? What hurt most it that it was true. Some part of it at least. His absence had truly changed her, she hadn't been the same cheery girl, the girl who opened her arms wide to everything and everyone. But how was she to be the same after everything that had happened? She too had tried to hide it. Why? She didn't know. But instead of confiding her problems and fears to Syaoran or Tomoyo, she had shut that part of herself in. And it had been gradually, consuming herself. She supposed she wasn't as trustful as before. But the world had been rough on her, and she wasn't a child anymore; she couldn't afford to be the sweet, naive girl she once was. Not in this world.

"But you miss it, don't you? You would love to go back to the time you were ten and you trusted people with heart and soul, ain't I right?" he asked in a very condescending way.

Sakura held her hand to her heart, to feel the fast irregular beating. It was incredible that after all the pain it still worked. Biologically, at least.

"You know I'm right. I care about you, I want you to have what you deserve. Let's make them pay."

Sakura, dazed by the voice, was about to nod when a sudden vision of a certain brown-haired boy with fierce amber ayes flashed into her mind. And into her heart. 

"No. You are turning everything upside down. You have been playing with my mind and with my heart but I won't let you do it anymore! I'm not prepared to give up, and I will never, NEVER give in to the dark magic, do you hear me? NEVER!" she choked out.

"You silly girl, you'll regret this later! Now tell me where you've hidden the key before it's too late. Or if not-"

"Or if not what?" asked Sakura, her eyes blazing "You can't hurt me more than you already have. And I'm sure my friends are looking for me!"

"That's were you are wrong, my dear. I've been working on them as well, if you know what I mean" he said evilly.

Sakura's heart skipped a beat. Did he mean what she thought he meant?

"Indeed, my beautiful Card Mistress. I've been playing with their minds as well, and you could say there have been some consequences..."

"You bastard, what have you done to my friends??!!" asked Sakura, fury raising within her every word.

"Keep your voice down, little girl, you wouldn't want me to make things worse for them, would you?"

Oh, shit a very frustrated Sakura thought He's got me between the sword and the wall. What the hell am I to do know?

He patiently waited until she thought her way through it. He was not about to be beaten by this minor drawback. So he had been a bit too self-confident, and his slip resulted with her finding her key, but what? The girl seemed to be too tormented to realize she could use her powers against him. Neither she had the energy to do so, he reasoned.

But in his moment of reflection he had missed a sparkle of brilliancy and triumph in Sakura's eyes. The moment he wasn't looking, she got her key out and said the familiar chant, with left him immobile.

"Key conceling the power of the star,  
reveal thy true form before me,  
By our contract,  
I, Sakura command you!  
Release!"

A bright light filled the room, and he simply couldn't believe it. The little bitch had more of a manipulating, clever brain than he had imagined. 

Sakura, on the contrary, feeling the tiniest bit proud of herself in a long time, raised a card, determined to end with this once and for all.

"Light Card, release and dispell!" she cried

Light didn't even had to be told what to do, but inmediatly irradiated an intense light, erasing all the darkness. And finally, with a determination and strength that surprised even Sakura, directed herself to the dark figure responsable for so much pain.

As the sweet feeling of victory warmed Sakura, the last energy she had was drained from her, and she felt herself falling, and falling...

*****************************************************************************  
  
"What do you mean, we can't find her?!" a very upset Chinese boy asked, as rage took upon him.

"My little descendant, if you'll just calm down a bit and let me explain-"

"WHAT DO YOU WANT TO EXPLAIN? I want her back, I'll do anything to save her, JUST TELL ME HOW!"

Eriol sighed. It was just like Li to yell and not listen, he probably just thought Eriol was having a blast making him nervous. He attempted once again to explain.

"Listen to me. We do NOT know exactly what we are facing. From what you've told me it's definitley a dark force of some kind, but I don't know much more. It must be a very strong one, if it managed to do all that and even erase Cerberous memories"

"I give a damn about what you think, just tell me how to find her!"

"Are you even listening to me?! I've just told you that I don't know exactly what this force is, so I can't tell you how to find it. We can't act now, we need a plan, more researching and-"

"NO! Enough waiting, I need to do something! I can't just stay here arms crossed when who-knows-what-kind-of-shit is doing who-knows-what to Sakura!"

Eriol really was getting mad at him. Did he think Eriol didn't want her back too? He was just trying to save her without getting everyone killed! He was just about to give him a smart-ass retort, when a weak voice was heard, barely above a whisper.

"Please, stop it" Tomoyo pleaded, tears in her eyes "We won't get anywhere fighting"

Eriol watched amazed, as Syaoran's furious look softened as he directed it to Tomoyo and said soflty "You're right, I'm sorry. I'm just...."

"I know" she replied quietly, and squeezed his hand.

Now what is this about? Eriol thought with an unfamiliar feeling of...jealousy? Was he actually jealous of Li because he was holding hands with Tomoyo? He was sure he had gotten over it. Sure he had closed that chapter in his life. What's wrong with me?

Just then Syaoran turned and faced him, his fingers still interwined with Tomoyo's.

"What were you saying?"he asked, a silent apology in his eyes. Eriol, for once decided to let go, and accepting the apology, he continued.

"I was saying, that I still don't know much about this force, so if we want to find her, we need to elaborate a plan, to get her out safe and sound."

"And what might that plan be? Anything on mind?"

"There is actuallyone thing. A book. A very old book with ancient spells, and a lot of information on this kind of things. Focused in the dark arts, you know. We'll probably find something on this force" 

"Ok, so where's this book of yours?"

"That's actually the problem"

"What do you mean?"

"The book's lost somewhere deep in Earlington's forest, in Africa. We need to find it first" Eriol said as he watched, trying to guess what their reactions might be. Syaoran seemed to be deep in thought Probably wondering if I have a better plan Eriol thought. Tomoyo on the other hand, had lowered her head, and was staring at her feet sadly. Eriol felt something tug at his heart, and he wondered what that might be. Not taking his eyes off Tomoyo, he started wondering what would have happened if circumstances had led him down another path...

Just then, Tomoyo looked up.

"Let's go" she said simply "It's our only chance"

"I agree" said Syaoran

"I hope you understand what this means" Eriol replied "It won't be easy. I haven't got the slightest idea where in the forest this book might be, I only suspect it's there, because that forest is known to be the portal between our world and the world controled by darkness. So there are big chances, that even if the book _is_ there, we'll have a hard time finding it. It's a really dangerous place."

"I don't care, I'm going" said Syaoran, but then directed Eriol a look, slightly moving his head in Tomoyo's direction. Eriol caught the message inmediatly. 

"I want you to come, your magic will probably be useful. But it's not a safe place for someone who doesn't have magic..." he said, and both boys looked at Tomoyo.

"I know what you're trying to do, but it won't work" said Tomoyo, her eyes steady while her voice faltered a bit. "You can't leave me behind. I won't let you"

"Tomoyo..." started Syaoran calmly

"No! Do not patronize me! I know you think I'll be more burden than help, but I give a damn. I for once, will not get out of the way! Sakura is as important to me as it is to you, and you will NOT leave me behind in this! I don't care if I die." 

"We do, Tomoyo" said Syaoran softly.

Eriol was genuinely surprised. When had Syaoran developed all this soft side? And why, just why, was he using it with Tomoyo? It seemed like some things had been going on while he was gone. This time he was sure a streak of jelaousy run through him.

Tomoyo turned and faced Syaoran.

"I know you do, Syaoran. But you have to understand, I can't wait here with nothing to do. I barely lost it before, and I even had you then" she punctualized this last part.

"Tomoyo..." started Syaoran

Tomoyo stood in tiptoe as she kissed him softly on his front. "Thanks for understanding. I'll be fine" When they finally unlocked their eyes, Eriol spoke up, his voice not the usual calm tone.

"Pack" he said sharply "We are leaving tomorrow, first thing on the morning"

Syaoran nodded to Eriol, gave Tomoyo a quick hug, and left the house, while the other two mantained their position in Tomoyo's living room.

Silence fall between them as they were left alone, none of them wanting to speak. They both knew that past issues still remained unsolved, and that they would have to work them out. Eventually.

"So...are you spending the night here, Eriol-kun?" Tomoyo asked.

Eriol looked at her eyes, at those deep, beatiful violet eyes. "If you'll let me" he said with his characteristic corteous tone.

"Of course, come with me and I'll get a room ready for you"

With that she turned around and started walking through a hallway. Eriol followed. It's time we work out our tangled story. Mabye then there'll be a future he told himself. And with that thought, all the problems that overwhelmed even a brilliant mind like his, seemed to be a bit less serious. Amazed at the effect this incredible woman had on him, he allowed his spirits to lift just a tiny bit. They were on the way to save Sakura, and he now had a second chance to make things right with Tomoyo.

Not all hope was lost.

Eriol smiled.


	6. A new horizon awakens

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Author Notes:

Ok, chapter six is finally up. Sorry about the delay, but I've been really busy and hadn't had much time to post. Ok, this chapter is fully Sakura-sided. Not much action, lots of reflecting on her side. Lots of her troubled thoughts are presented in an easier way, it'll help you get a better picture of her personality at this age, and it'll give you a good look inside her head. Anyway, remember I like to pick over on the same spot throughout the different chapters, so this is not the last about Sakura's feelings. You'll probably find it incomplete, but I'll pick up later on. I expect you'll like this chapter. 

To some of the things my dear reviewers asked:

Yes, this will have lots of E+T especially in the following chapters. Just wait until chapter 7. 

No, I'm not 25 or a major in literature (or anything for the fact). I'm way younger. And I do study English at school, cause it's not my first language.

This is obviously dedicated to my faithful reviewers, whose support means the world to me.

"I'll say goodbye for the two of us: When the truth breaks the silence"

Part six: "A new horizon awakens"

by cherry blossom

It was a beautiful day. The sun was shinning brightly, and the sky was the most intense shade of blue. Birds were singing and the sound of a cascade falling nearby could be heard. In the middle of a deep, thick forest a young girl could be seen resting beside a tree, sleeping peacefully.

A mild breeze started blowing, making the leaves of the trees rustle. Some sunlight poured through the shadow the tree offered the girl, directly into her eyes. She mumbled something incomprehensible and held her hand to her face, trying to block the light that was bothering her sleep. After a minute, though, her hand got tired, and she decided to get up. Yawning, she stretched and started crawling out of bed.

Only she realized she wasn't in bed at all. Disconcerted, she sat up and rubbed her eyes, and took a look at the scenery around her. What a beautiful place she thought pleasantly I wonder where I am She tried to remember what had happened, or how she had gotten there, but it gave her a headache, so she decided to leave her mind rest for a while. I'll remember eventually she told herself Meanwhile, I might as well enjoy this place 

As she got up, her muscles screamed in complaint. She vaguely wondered what she might have done, in order to be so sore. Massaging her neck, she decided to explore a bit this place. She had only walked for a short while when she indistinctly heard the sound of running water. Water she thought I'm thirsty Following the tone, she came to a beautiful cascade, that led to a pool, everything surrounded by rocks. She got near the pool, and looked into its calm, crystalline surface, seeking her reflection.

A thin, pale girl, with honey colored hair and deep green eyes looked back at her. She touched her face, surprised at how she could feel her cheekbones completely. When did I get so thin? She shook her head, trying to shake the feeling of uneasiness that had settled upon her as well. Remembering she was thirsty, she cupped her hand, filled it with water and brought it to her mouth. It felt pure and cool. Heavenly she thought pleasantly. 

Then a thought struck her. Was this heaven? It seemed paradisiacal enough. But then she remembered her muscles. People don't get sore in heaven. At least I don't think they do. But if I'm not in heaven where am I? There was something insistently tapping her mind, as if wanting her to remember something. But what? She couldn't figure it out and it was starting to make her nervous. She gazed into the pool again, but her reflection looked as confused as she felt. Frowning, she got off the rocks and started walking disorientated, her eyes darting in all directions, as if expecting something to jump at her any second now. She suddenly spotted a beach and headed in that direction, walking quickly.

The beach was breathtaking, as everything else in this place. Palm trees surrounded it, their long leaves moving with the wind. The sand was white and fine, and the sea was of the most intense aquamarine color and looked quite calm, the waves gently caressing the shore. She looked at the sky, realizing it had clouded over a bit, the wind was a bit cooler and the sun wasn't shinning so brightly anymore. A perfect match for her feelings, she thought uneasily. 

The beach was beautiful, indeed, but there was still something about it. She couldn't quite put her finger on it, but the place irradiated a feeling of loneliness somehow. She walked up to a palm tree that stood on a dune, alone. She put an arm around and rested her head against it as she stared at the horizon beyond the sea. There was something familiar about the whole situation. She sighed and lowered her head. As she did, she noticed she was wearing a black torn dress that didn't belong to her. When did I get this outfit? As she fingered the material, she noticed for the second time how thin she was. She had always been slim, but she looked almost anorexic now. What has happened to me? she thought worriedly and concentrated with all her might in remembering....remembering what? Frenetically, she searched through her memories, but she couldn't recall a thing since the say she left Syaoran. 

"Syaoran" she whispered to herself. It hurt so much to think about him. But why had she left him in the first place? Ah, yes, the dream and everything. She had been so sure of her actions. Why wasn't she now? What had happened after she left him? Why couldn't she remember? What the hell was wrong with her? 

Suddenly the wind turned its direction, and she saw something fly with it. She ran after it until it came down, half burying itself in the sand. She picked it up and examined it. It was a pink card. On one side it had a star and on the other.... she hesitated before turning it around. And when she did, the world turned itself around.

It all came back to her, like a splash of cold water down her spine. The blurred memories of that dark place were so intense, so harsh, they sent her over the edge. She fell on her knees, breathing sharply and shaking uncontrollably. She hugged herself as she struggled to keep herself together. She held a trembling hand to her heart, trying to soothe its pain somehow. Breathe she instructed herself Just breathe.

She searched for her key and once she found it, held it against the Light Card she had picked up. Staring at them, she began recalling the actions that had led her out of that place.

The Special Place, the night she had collapsed and was prepared to die, but then her memories had come back to her and she had finally started clearing her mind and heart, the finding of her key, the time he had confronted her and tried to talk her into the dark side...

She gasped. Hell, he had almost succeeded. But in a display of brilliancy she had been the one who played with his mind. She had let him think she was a stupid girl, but instead had long before traced a plan to put an end to him. She learned how his mind worked, and could deceive it. She misled him, and in the first opportunity, she had taken the Light Card on him. 

And what a surprised look in his eyes when she did so. I guess no one will ever see me as a clever person. They think I'm still the sweet, naive 10-year-old she thought sadly. Of course, she had become a hell of an actress trough out the years after her childhood. She hadn't intended to change, it had simply happened. She had grown more reserved and cautious. She had also become quieter, and didn't nearly smile as much as she did before. Her friends noticed, but thought it was because of Syaoran's absence. Their thoughts were confirmed when Syaoran came back, and she appeared to become the cheerful girl again. But they didn't know she was faking it...

She simply sat there, for a few moments, dazed by her own thoughts. Then suddenly she tilted her head up, determined. 

Enough self- pity. I must find a way to go back to Tomoeda before it's too late. I'll spend the night here and set off first thing in the morning

Sleepily, she blinked. She was very, very tired, and she just had to lie down for a while...

Finally, Kinomoto Sakura allowed herself to rest. 


	7. Healing

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Special Note to Reviewers:

Ok you guys, I'm ready to answer some of your questions:

syaoran_lover: I'm actually from Argentina, so Spanish is my first language, but I've been learning English since I was a child and (no idea why) it comes quite naturally to me. I assure you, I _am_ under 18 (unlucky for me)

heartie, Ruby-chan,...the rest of the E+T lovers : I trust you'll like this chapter, there'll be more in future chapters

ButterFly: a great deal of Tomoyo and Eriol's history is dealt with in this chapter. I hope you'll find the answers you are looking for.

white_angel: *blushes* Really, about this fan club...I'm not the person to ask, you should go directly to syaoran_lover or sarah_chan.

Small Lady: A friendship between Tomoyo and Syaoran is something I've always wanted to explore, and I thought that this story was perfect for it. Since Sakura is what has always connected them, her absence could bring them even closer now that they have the same goal: to find her.

Authors Notes:

So here is part seven. I expect most of you will skip this and go directly to the story, eager as you sounded to read this chapter. No, really, I think this has been the most wanted chapter so far. I didn't know there were so many E+T fans reading this, especially since it started as pure S+S. Well, I've decided that both couples deserve writing, so here is a pure E+T chapter. I have to warn though, this one's _very_ anguishing, and it's seen entirely through Eriol's eyes. So prepare yourself for some deep, intense Eriol angst. 

This chapter is a tribute to one of the most complex, tangled, true loves I've ever known. I'm dedicating this to my loyal reviewers, especially to those who hold E+T deep in their hearts.

"I'll say goodbye for the two of us: When the truth breaks the silence"

Part seven: "Healing"

by cherry blossom

Eriol lay in the bed Tomoyo had prepared for him, wide awake. He knew he should get some sleep, but he hadn't even bothered to try. How was he to sleep having Tomoyo so near him again? He got up and walked to the right wall of his room. He put his hand upon it, and then rested his head against it. He knew she was in the next room, and this way he felt closer to her.

Eriol sighed. He longed to touch her, to be with her, just like in old times. What they had shared had been so quick and intense. But circumstances had forced him to dissent. And she had been so heart-broken, he hadn't wanted to risk ever hurting her again. Why did things have to be so complicated? He had convinced himself that he could put this part of his life behind. But he knew better. He would never be able to forget her.

Suddenly, he heard a muffled sound. It seemed to be coming from Tomoyo's room. He frowned and got out of his room and into the hallway. He stood in front of Tomoyo's door and knocked. There was no response. He knocked again, a bit more firmly. Nothing. 

"Tomoyo!" he called "Are you all right?"

"Go away!" Tomoyo's voice sounded scratchy and angry.

"Tomoyo, please, let me come in" he asked

"I told you to go away! I have nothing to say to you" she replied angrily. He could hear her sobbing fiercely. Hell, something really had to be wrong, Eriol thought. She just didn't lose it like that. Then again you haven't been around for a while, remember? an annoying voice in his head told him. Remorse filled him as he knocked one last time.

"If you won't let me come in I'll enter in my on way" he said. The crying could still be heard.

"Fine, I'm coming in" he said, muttered a few words and the door unlocked. He opened it gently and let himself inside, preparing himself for the worst.

And indeed finding it.

Tomoyo stood on the edge of her balcony, completely immobile, while the wind gently played with hair long hair and her nightgown.

At first Eriol only stared, unable to make a move. A million thoughts crossed his mind, urging him to run, pull her back, to do something, to do anything! But his body wouldn't react. Fear as raw and intense as he had never known paralyzed him. He struggled to move, as he watched, horrified, how his beloved Tomoyo took another step towards a sure and horrible death. No, this can't be happening! Dammit, you idiot get a grip and move! he thought, his mind finally clearing, and once it did he didn't have to think it twice.

"Tomoyo!" he cried as he darted forward, as fast as his legs would take him.

In one quick move he grabbed her by the waist and pulled her back, causing both of them to crash into the window and fall back in violently. Eriol protected Tomoyo with his body from the scattered glass that was falling around them. Only when silence filled the room again, he dared lift his head and loosen his embrace a bit fearing how she would be.

****

Eriol's POV

"Tomoyo?" I ask, worried. 

Tomoyo's eyes are half open, her vision unfocused. She is breathing irregularly and trembling from head to feet. I scoop her up and carry her to bed, where I lay her down carefully, and kneel beside the bed. I then check her pulse and listen intently to her heart. It's beating a bit fast, but seems to be slowing down. I wait for some minutes in silence, until I finally can't take it anymore.

"Tomoyo-chan, are you awake?" I whisper. Tomoyo gazes at me with difficulty, as if having trouble in focusing.

"Eriol? Is that you?" she asks.

Her voice helps a bit to soothe my still frazzled nerves. But the adrenaline is still flowing through my veins, and gets the best of me

"It's me, all right, what the hell were you just doing?!" I ask angrier than I knew I could get. Tomoyo opens her mouth, obviously trying to articulate a word but not succeeding. "What were you thinking?! You could have killed yourself!" I shout, not being able to control myself. She lowers her head. Oh, shit, was that the intention? Was she actually trying to kill herself? "Why? Why would you ever? What the hell is wrong with you?!" I demand to know, my voice even louder than before. Her eyes blur, and a tear falls down her cheek. Oh, god I've made her cry. I can't believe I just did that.

"Oh, Tomoyo, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have shouted, I'm sorry, please forgive me, I was just so afraid, so..." I say softly reaching for her.

But she moves away "What's wrong? Tell me please" I reach for her again but she looks up, angry tears in her eyes. "I told you to go away!" she says wrathfully "Get out of my room now"

"But, Tomoyo, I-"

"How did you get in anyway? Oh, I suppose using that magic of yours. Yeah you seem to depend an awful lot on it, ne?" What is she talking about? What does this have to do with anything? 

"What are you trying to say? I'm just-"

"Don't bother, I don't care. You never said anything before, did you? Why should I listen now? Go and mind your important magical business and leave me alone!" she states severely.

And that hurts, it hurts so damn much. I can feel my heart crack in two right on this very second. Oh, god, I can see it know. So she is still hurt by that. Of course, you asshole, you only made her waste her time and then left her heart-broken I scold myself. Shit, this is going to be harder than I thought.

"Please, let me explain" I beg

"What is there to explain?" she asks coldly "You left me and that's IT"

Oh, god. The look she is giving me could freeze fire itself. I never thought I'd have her eyes directed at me in that way. Please, my darling, don't look at me like at that. Can't you see you're stabbing my heart when you do? I gasp for air, as it seems insufficient and attempt once again to explain.

"It's not like that, if you'd just listen to me-"

"NO! I don't want to hear a word from you. I'm not cutting your head off because I sadly depend on you to find Sakura! But forget about everything else. We had our chance and you blew it! You ditched me, and it hurt Eriol! It hurt a lot..." with that last words she breaks into tears again and I feel like killing myself. God, I've made her cry once again. Just to think that I'm responsible for her pain doubles mine. Anguish, remorse, guilt settle upon me as I reach out for her hand.

Then she rejects my touch and I feel like dying. I need to explain what made me leave. She needs to know the truth. She deserves it.

"Tomoyo" I begin softly. "I can explain, but I need you to listen. I take full blame for all the grief in your life, I don't expect you to forgive me, but please, hear me out. It's all I'm asking" She doesn't answer, but nods softly for me to know she's listening. Ok, my love, I'll tell you. 

"I left you because I loved you." I begin. She makes an attempt to say something but I hold up my hand. "Let me finish please"

"There was a threat, you see. A very dark, powerful force had come out with one goal: to finish me off. But it didn't want to kill me. He had a different theory than most of the evil, you see. Instead of killing me, he wanted to kill the people I loved most, so I'd suffer. Smart plan, of course. Luckily, I found out about it before he started, so there was only one thing left for me to do: leave you and the rest of my friends. But most especially you. You see, I can't bear even to think about your absence. I can't imagine a world without you. I can't imagine life without you. If you weren't in this world, what would I do? What would it be like? All the good would be bad, all the light dark, right would be wrong... I'm nothing without you. Your loss is inconceivable.

So I did something selfish. I let you suffer so I wouldn't lose you. I left with no satisfactory explanation and it was wrong. I put myself before you and there's no excuse for that. But I was terrified, Tomoyo. The fear of losing you forever was so high it controlled me completely. 

Once I left you I became quiet and depressed. I couldn't think of anything else. I traveled around the world heading nowhere. I only lived of my memories about you. My mind being in the past, there was no future for me. It took me quite a long to realize that.

And then I heard the dark force had given up on me, as it could not find me, and had settled on someone else. I still didn't think it was safe to come back, but apparently the force was defeated. And right at that time Cerberous called. And I knew I had to come back. To see you, to touch you, to make sure that you were a real person, not just an angel in my memories. To make sure you were all right...

But you aren't and I'll regret it every day for the rest of my life..." I let my voice trail off, as I feel a knot coming up my throat. My eyes fill with tears I refuse to shed. I try to look away, but Tomoyo finally looks at my in the eye, and I'm not able to unlock my gaze from hers. She stares at me intently, evidently looking for something in my eyes. What is it, my love? What do you want to find? 

The silence is driving me crazy, and I can only see what my tear-filled eyes allow me to. Unconsciously, I blink, and a tear streams down my cheeks. I turn my head away, ashamed that she has to see my like this. But in one swift motion she wipes my tear away, softly caressing my cheek.

"I'm sorry, I don't intend to make you feel bad by this, I just-" I stammer not recognizing my own voice. But she doesn't let me finish.

"Eriol, I'm sorry" she says simply. What? Why is _she _apologizing? My expression must be a clear reflect of my bewildered thoughts, because her lips twitch and for a moment I think I detect a sparkle of laugh in her eyes. But the next second it's gone, and maybe I just imagined it.

"Eriol...I had no idea" she says softly

"I know, I should have told you from the first moment, I just..." I try to think of a reason, farfetched as it might be, for that. But I can't seem to find one.

"I know why you didn't" she whispers. I look up, a silent question in my eyes. Why?

"As hard as you may find it to believe, I know you, Eriol. Better than anyone, I daresay" she says. I only stare. What does she mean?

"What I mean" she begins. Damn, am I that easy to read? "Yes, you are to me. Don't be surprised. With what you've told me now" she continues, and I wince at those words. "With that, I can put all the pieces together. Eriol, your intentions are so good, so pure, that many times they play against you. You are overwhelmed by the burden of being the reincarnation of Clow Reed. You take everything as your responsibility. You think it's your destiny to be alone forever.

You are afraid to love. You are afraid that someone might actually get to you, to the real man inside you. You are afraid you human side will come out, because it's weaker and more vulnerable than your unshakable magical side. You feel safe in that one, because no one can reach you, and you won't get hurt.

But, how long can you stay that way? Deep down you are just a lonely soul, desperately seeking for something you think you can't have. But you are wrong, Eriol. You deserve to love and be loved, just like everyone else.

But what you must understand, is that you are not completely unreachable. I have always known the danger that being with you represented. But I still wanted to be with you. Why? Because I love you. Because I love you so damn much it's impossible for me to do anything else..." her voice trails of and she looks at me with a sad smile on her face. 

And I'm speechless. Is she saying what I think she is saying? Has she just used "love" in the present tense? Oh, god I can't believe this. How can she know me so well? How....? Every word she says is true, I can't deny it. After all I've made her suffer, she is still willing to forgive me? How is that even possible? I wouldn't forgive a piece of shit like myself. But then again I'm not her. And she is only the most incredible, pure person in this world. I wonder what I ever did to deserve her. 

"I..." my ability of speaking is temporally off. How can I explain with the simplicity of words the feelings she awakens in me? I guess I can't, but since she knows me so, she'll probably interpret the real meaning of those things we call words. 

"You are completely right. I can't deny any of those things because they are true. And, I want to apologize. Forgive me for being the arrogant, selfish bastard I am. Forgive me for not realizing the incredible person I had at that time. Forgive me for loving you so much. I'm sorry if it makes you uncomfortable in any way, but I can't hide it. I love you so much it overwhelms me" I whisper.

For a person who reads me that well, se seems surprised. Look at me, my precious one. Do you see the love in my eyes? Do you see the yearning in me, the need to hold you and never let go?

"I was afraid. Afraid I'd lose myself in you and never find a way back. But I'm not afraid anymore, because that is all I want. You are all I want..." I whisper.

I can see tears forming in her eyes, but I daresay they are happy tears. I gently brush them away. Don't cry, my dear, this is the most wonderful thing that had ever happened. I, for once, am choosing the right path.

"Tomoyo, I'm asking, no, I'm _begging_ you to take me back. I want to be the one to hold you when you cry and laugh with you when you are happy. I want to be there for you always. I want to be the person who makes you smile at your worst time. I want to share my life with you. I want us to explore the depths of our hearts together. Please, let me show how much I love you" 

She seems to want to speak, but nothing comes out of her mouth. She closes her eyes, and takes a deep breath. The answer is coming, and my heart is either to be healed and filled with love, or to be shattered into a million pieces. Will you, my beloved Tomoyo? Will you give me a second chance? 

And then a smile appears on her face, and my world shines again. I shorten the distance between us never leaving her eyes until I'm so close I can feel her breath in my face. 

"I love you, Eriol" she whispers.

I hear the words and I'm stunned. All I want to do now is lock her in an everlasting kiss...

But I still can't. I need to see it in her eyes first.

Words are just a vague form of communication. A look is worth a thousand of them. So, as she did before, I thoroughly search in her eyes for an answer. I see a million things reflected in them, but I can make out the one I'm seeking.

Love.

I love you too, my Tomoyo.

And with that thought, I finally bring our lips together. I kiss her and the world just fades away. There is only the two of us.

And our love is the most magical thing of all.


	8. Blame

****

Author Notes: 

Sorry about the late update, it's just that Murphy won't leave me alone. First I couldn't enter ff.net, then my whole connection got screwed up, my teachers are making me study (really, they think their class is the only one we have) and the cherry on top is that my right index finger is broken, so I've got it immobilized, which causes me to write much slower even on the PC (yes, really).

About chapter 7, thanks a lot for the reviews. I've always been a pure S+S fan, you see, and only lately I've started loving E+T as well. So, I'll confess, I was a bit nervous about including a whole E+T chapter in this story. But it has run pretty smoothly, huh? Not over yet, though. This chapter, actually, includes a nice part with Tomoyo's perspective about everything that happened last chapter and more. It could be a sort of closure of chapter 7, but only partially. I've still got a lot of E+T to explore.

This chapter also includes a bit of Syaoran's side too. Not exactly a POV since it's in 3rd person, but nearly.

Anyway, I hope you like this chapter. And for the ones who like action, don't worry. Lots of action in following chapters.

Dedicated, of course, to my reviewers. A million thanks to you guys!

"I'll say goodbye for the two of us: When the truth breaks the silence"

Part eight: "Blame"

By cherry blossom

Daidouji Tomoyo let out a deep, content sigh. She couldn't tell when was the last time she had felt so good, so...complete. She was lying in her bed, and Eriol was hugging her from behind, his arms possessively wrapped around her waist. She snuggled even deeper into his warm embrace. She felt so safe, so loved...it simply felt right. She just wanted to stay that way forever. 

Tomoyo closed her eyes wanting to drift off again, but she couldn't. Her body had gotten used to an almost complete restlessness, so it was very hard for her to sleep these days. Not like you had any problem last night, ne? Too much action, maybe... she thought with a half smile in her face. She loosened herself from his arms and deposited a soft kiss on his front. Tomoyo looked at him tenderly. Eriol looked so cute in sleep, with a boyish grin on his face instead of the humble I-know-it-all look on his eyes. She shivered as the temperature felt cold to her and decided she'd better wear something. The room was dark, and she took the first thing she found from the pile of rumpled clothes. His shirt. Tomoyo smiled as she put it on. It was almost like being in his arms. I love you she whispered, and left the room. 

She reached the hallway and went trough a huge window (more like a glass door, really) that led to a small terrace. The air was cool, and she was glad she had donned his shirt. Tomoyo contemplated the immensity of the sky above her. It was dark blue, getting lighter apparently, and she could glimpse a few golden streaks. Sunrise any minute she thought, and she was actually looking forward to seeing it. The thought surprised her, but damn, it just was so good to _feel_ again. The world of numbness she'd been living in...She shuddered to think about it. But it was over. She now, in addition to an incredible friend as Syaoran was, had the love of her life by her side. She, too, was finally on her way to find Sakura, and she actually had a good feeling about this wild-goose chase. So why did she feel it was wrong to be happy? 

Dazed in her thoughts, she didn't notice someone coming until she felt his arms around her. 

"Good morning, beautiful" he whispered in her ear, sending vibes through her spine. "What are you doing up so early?"

"Couldn't sleep" she replied simply "What about you?"

"There was something missing in my arms so I came out to look for it" he said as he trailed kisses on her neck.

Tomoyo smiled again and watched the sun slowly ascend. "It's beautiful, isn't it?" she asked.

"Not as you are" he responded as he turned her around, so as to see her face. Tomoyo could see the love in his eyes and felt warmth inside her. Nevertheless, she sighed.

"What's troubling you my dear?" he asked preoccupied.

She shook her head softly. "I'm not sure I can explain"

Eriol nodded understandingly. "Give it a shot" he encouraged.

"I just...I've been feeling so happy since...well, since last night" she glanced at him, already expecting a reaction. Sure enough, a sly smile appeared in his face. He waited for her to continue, and when she didn't, he gave her a questioning look. "I don't see what's wrong. Am I missing something here?" he asked.

Her brow furred in concentration as she tried to choose the right words. "I just...It feels wrong to be happy when Sakura is still missing and suffering somewhere. I-I feel like I shouldn't be happy or..." she shook her head again indicating that her explanation was as confused as she felt, and looked at him silently asking for help. Eriol explored the depths of her amethyst eyes looking for an answer and found it immediately.

Guilt.

"You feel guilty, Tomoyo-chan. You feel you don't deserve happiness while your friend is suffering. You think you should be blue, as if paying respect to Sakura. Am I right?" he asked gently.

Tomoyo's eyes clouded over as she nodded. It was exactly how she felt, but was she right? Was she being disloyal to Sakura by actually feeling happy without her? Her head still low, her eyes darted up at Eriol once again.

Eriol smiled and lifted her chin with his hand. "You are wrong" he said never leaving her eyes. "It's your selflessness that's playing against you. I know how much Sakura means to you. She means a lot to me too. But that doesn't mean you have to be miserable until she comes back. Do you think Sakura would want you to be sad?" he asked kindly.

Tomoyo shook her head softly. "She was too good" she whispered

"Is, Tomoyo. Don't use past tense. Don't you think we'll find her?" he questioned

"I just...I'm so afraid to get my hopes up. To be happy again. When you become attached to someone who is suddenly taken away from you it hurts so much. It almost makes you want to forget you ever met that person, so as not to suffer anymore" she replied, amazed at how her feelings came out when she talked to him.

"Tomoyo, don't. Don't feel that way. We will find her. I promise" he said tenderly "But meanwhile, don't be afraid to be happy. You deserve happiness after everything you've gone through, everything you are _still_ going through. And if you can find that happiness in me, it will make me the luckiest man on earth. And out of earth" he added smiling.

Tomoyo nodded, relieved. She had forgotten what it was to confide her problems to him. He would always make her understand, feel better about her self. Especially now that she had become so insecure. Eriol seemed to notice this and held a finger to her lips.

"Don't thank me" he said. "It's not even the millionth part of what you do for me"

That said, he brought Tomoyo to a tighter embrace, and she could feel her uncertainties and anxiousness slip away. They stayed that way for a while, both simply enjoying each other's presence, until Eriol broke the silence.

"Sunrise, my dear. It's time" he said softly. 

Tomoyo nodded and untangled herself from his arms. "Let's get our stuff, Syaoran will be coming here soon" she said.

So they left the balcony, holding hands, ready to set off in this journey.

Together.

************************************************************************************* 

Li Syaoran stood at Tomoyo's front door for a while before knocking. He wanted to order his thoughts a bit before entering. But it was probably Mission Impossible III, he thought bitterly. His head was such a mess. But there's hope now he reminded himself for the millionth time that morning. Sighing, he knocked.

Tomoyo came out almost immediately, and greeted Syaoran breathlessly. 

"Hello, Syaoran" she said with a smile. Syaoran was totally taken aback by this. Was she actually smiling? He closes his eyes, but when he looked again the smile was still there. And it wasn't just that. He could feel something different about her.

"Hello, Tomoyo-chan" he said and they exchanged a quick hug. "Ready to go?"

"Almost, Eriol is still making some arrangements. Come in, please" 

Syaoran stepped inside and followed Tomoyo to the living room. Sure enough, Eriol was on the phone, apparently speaking to a lamebrained person. 

"No, miss, that would be _3_ tickets, not 2. Yes, I need them right away. NO, it can NOT wait until tomorrow. Yes, to Africa. So? I don't care. Just get those tickets. Yeah. Yeah. Fine" Eriol hung up, shaking his head in disbelief.

"Really" he said exasperated "Those ticket sellers are so stupid! It only takes a bit of a brain to understand my request, simple as it is. I'm _definitely _complaining to the company!" He sighed and then noticed Syaoran.

"Good morning, my descendant. How was your sleep?" he asked courteously, and Syaoran felt like punching him right on the face for looking so unpreoccupied. But he didn't want to make a big deal in front of Tomoyo, so he simply scowled.

"Not a good one I guess" said Eriol. "So are you guys ready?" he asked.

"I think we are. Oh, wait, has anyone let Kero know about this?" Tomoyo asked

"Yeah, he's meeting us there" Eriol replied. "Ok, let's get going" he said.

They gathered their things and called a cab to drop them to the airport. The trip was silent, as each was deep in their own thoughts, but Syaoran noticed Eriol staring at Tomoyo, who was looking out through the window nonstop, with a foolish love sick look in his eyes. Now what's _that_ about? thought Syaoran I wonder if something happened last nightHe wanted to ask Tomoyo, but decided it would be better if they were alone, so he remained silent. 

Finally they reached the airport, and Eriol said he'd go to look for the tickets. Perfect opportunity to ask her about it thought Syaoran.

"Tomoyo?" he asked.

"Yes, Syaoran?" she replied distractedly. 

"Hmmm...what is it about you and Hiragizawa?" 

Tomoyo's face went a shade of pink, and she lowered her eyes.

"So there _is_ something" Syaoran confirmed. "Have you two...solved your past?"

"Well, actually we have. Last night" she said and a smile appeared on her face. She looked at Syaoran's eyes, apprehensively.

So that is why they look happier he realized. But have they completely forgotten about Sakura? How can they be happy while she could be suffering? Syaoran felt anger and disappointment, towards Eriol and especially Tomoyo, flicker through him. Maybe she doesn't even notice anymore, with Eriol to occupy her thoughts he thought. But the look in her eyes was telling him a different story. She looked distressed, almost fearful. Probably knows what I'm thinking he guessed She can read me too well. Concentrated as he was, he didn't realize that minutes had passed and he stilled remained silent.

"Syaoran? Is everything ok? Do you..." she hesitated. "Is there anything you want to tell me?"

Syaoran shook his head, determined to keep her from knowing this. He somehow felt deserted. Like she had moved on, and left him behind in Pain Land. Alone. And he wouldn't trust someone who would give up like that. 

But Tomoyo didn't seem convinced. 

"Tell me the truth, please" she asked quietly.

"The truth?" he repeated sarcastically

"I know how you-" she began

"No, you don't. I thought you did, but-" he started angrily, but was interrupted by Eriol.

"Hey guys" Eriol said "Got the tickets, let's get going"

Syaoran noticed how Tomoyo's eyes brightened, almost as if they smiled on their own when Eriol came to scene. 

"But you have just proven otherwise" he finished coldly, and took off in direction to the boarding room.

A very ashamed Tomoyo, and a perplexed Eriol were left behind.

"What was that about?" he asked confused.

Tomoyo sighed.


	9. Remorse

****

Author's Notes: Sorry for the delay. I'm glad to tell you that my exams are almost over, so I'll probably update more often. To the reviewers who asked about my finger, actually I broke it a silly way, a little accident with the door of the car. Anyway it's fine now, so my typing is much faster. 

About this chapter: The new twist is developing. I don't particularly like the way this chapter came out, it seems a little fast, but that's probably because I'm not used to writing action. Anyway, I haven't failed to describe feelings, so my style remains.

****

Important note: please do not stop when you reach the final words of Tomoyo's POV. That's all I'll say. 

Thanks to my wonderful reviewers. This chapter is dedicated, of course, to you.

"I'll say goodbye for the two of us: When the truth breaks the silence"

Part nine: "Remorse"

By cherry blossom

Tomoyo's POV

"I'm fine"

Yeah, I'm damn fine. In fact, I couldn't be better. I acknowledge my statement with a small smile and a nod to Eriol, but I'm actually smiling ironically to myself. Things are great, just great.

I sigh as Eriol turns around, giving me a look that clearly says that he doesn't buy it, but that he won't argue for the moment. His perfect understanding just makes me feel worse. Do I really deserve him? He just seems so...perfect. Flawless. Like he shouldn't be with such a chaotic person as I am. Really, I've got such a jumble in my head.

I follow Eriol until we get to wherever the hell we are supposed to go. What were we doing anyway? Ah, yes the plane. I can see Eriol leaving our luggage. The room is practically deserted. I can only see a woman with a small child, a businessman, a middle-aged woman reading a novel, and a couple of teenagers who are noisily making out in a corner. Really, you guys, just get a room.

I spot Syaoran sitting quietly by himself, scowling. Then he turns around and looks at me. I shiver as his cold look meets my eyes. Oh, god, what have I done? Eriol was wrong. Or at least Syaoran thinks so, and he's mad at me for it. Should I take things back and become miserable again? That will probably hurt Eriol. But if I leave things as they are...I don't think I can take Syaoran's coldness anymore.

So I'm torn. What should I do now? A smart person once said `Always follow your heart. It will lead the way´. But what if my heart contradicts itself? It can't seem to settle down. The love I have for both Eriol and Syaoran is quite different, but it's still love. Syaoran is my friend, my touchstone. He's been there at my worst and has helped me incredibly. I'll never thank him enough. I can't afford to lose him. On the other hand there's Eriol...my heart smiles just to think about him. He is my soul mate. I know it. We are so similar and so different at the same time. But he complements me. I'll never find someone like him...

"Ready to go, Tomoyo-chan?" 

"Huh?" I reply snapping back to reality. I look up and find Eriol looking at me quite preocuppied. 

"I asked if you were ready to go" he repeats and I think I sense a bit of annoyance in his voice. "The plane will be departing soon"

"Already?" 

"We have been here for over an hour, Tomoyo-chan" Yeah, his voice definitely sounds strained. But over an hour really? I guess time sped up while I was lost in my thoughts.

"Yeah, let's go" I say, and follow him once again.

Once we are on the plane I confirm that we are very few people travelling. Rows of seats are empty and it strikes odd to me. Wouldn't they accommodate us in another flight? Oh, well, then again maybe there wasn't another available. Why am I even thinking about this triviality? I shake my head. Really, girl, get a grip.

I watch Syaoran storm to the back of the plane and take a seat in the middle row. I am tempted to follow him, but Eriol has already taken another seat, and is looking at me expectantly. Syaoran isn't even looking. I hesitate before I walk in Eriol's direction. I sit beside him and take a deep breath, closing my eyes. This whole business is overwhelming me. The air seems insufficient and I'm starting to have a really bad headache. Eriol looks at me worriedly.

"What's wrong Tomoyo-chan?" he asks in a low voice.

"I just....I....nothing" I say shaking my head.

He seems to be about to say something but the stewardess interrupts to explain the safety measures. The belt, the oxygen mask, pinchy things, the usual. I listen absently to what she says, not really paying attention. I'm focused on Syaoran, trying to figure out his eyes at the moderate distance I am. Not an easy job from here. 

"Earth to Tomoyo" 

I turn around. Eriol's looking at me strangely. "What?" 

"I've called you 3 times already. You should fasten your seatbelt, we'll be going any minute now." True to this, the plane starts moving almost immediately. I hurriedly fasten the belt and look straight forward. I prepare myself for the takeoff. I don't really like this part.

But the plane takes off smoothly, and we soar into the sky. In no time we are up here, an intense blue anywhere we look. It's beautiful. I dart another look at Syaoran, but he doesn't look back. I'm sure he knows I'm gazing at him, but he refuses to meet my eye. I feel sick and close my eyes once again. When I open them I see Eriol staring at me. 

"Please talk to me" he pleads.

I shake my head, but it only increases the pain. I try to talk but I'm out of breath again.

Eriol puts his arm around me, wanting to comfort me, but I refuse his touch. I'm feeling suffocated and what a horrible sensation it is.

He seems rather hurt by my rejection so he aims to talk but I can't take this anymore. Breathing shallowly I get up and go down the aisle, heading for the toilet. I need to be alone for just one minute. I need to recompose myself before I do anything I regret later.

I feel relieved as I enter the quiet toilet. Its silence is soothing. I hold a hand to my heart, trying to control its irregular beating. 

I look at myself in the mirror. A pale, diminished girl stares back. But who is she? Have I really become that person? I don't even know myself anymore. And that scares me. It chills me to the very end. I know I can't control the world around me, but I have always relied on having control over myself. But I don't. Ever since Sakura's disappearance I have completely lost it. And I hate that. It makes me feel so vulnerable, somehow exposed...

I finger my trembling lower lip. It still tings with the memory of Eriol's mouth over it. I reflect for a moment on what has just happened. The look in his eyes when I pulled away...it breaks my heart just to think about it. So now I've hurt both him and Syaoran. God, how did I get myself in this situation? And how can I get out of it? I lean against the tiny window, finding comfort in its cool surface. The whole cabin is spinning around wildly, making me dizzy. Is it just me or is this room getting smaller and darker by the second?

Suddenly an irrational, blind fear runs through me. A horrible anxiousness fills me and my whole body tenses, waiting. What for? I don't know. But they say that when a person suffers a lot he or she starts seeing a bit further. What lies beneath...

True to this, my reflexes have become sharper and I'm sensitive to a lot of things that go unnoticed by other people. I have a broader vision about things. But even though I try, I haven't been enlightened yet. I feel as if I'm trapped in a particular place, where I can't go either forward or backwards.

The fear mounts, and I know I'm not imagining it. The air suddenly feels very cold and thick and I instruct myself to breathe only. My eyes dart sideways. Left, right, left, right, left again. The stillness of the silence surrounding me is unbearable. Come on. Come out and play. I'm challenging you.

Then it strikes, but I'm available to dodge it. Partially. It hits my side and for a moment I'm about to faint. Then I hear a shattering sound. I look at the mirror. There's a long sharp knife incrusted to where a piece of mirror originally was. It's dripping blood. My blood, I realize with a shiver. That was close. That was way too close. It's over for the moment, my instincts are telling me so. But for how long? I'd better get out of here and tell Eriol and Syaoran right away.

Just as that thought crosses my mind, the plane starts shaking. After a few attempts I manage to open the door. Outside the couple of teenagers is quietly sitting in a corner, the businessman is yelling something into his phone and the little girl is crying, with her mother trying to calm her down. Eriol is nowhere to be found and Syaoran remains in his place, looking around bewildered. Then his eyes meet mine, and travel down to my blood-dripping waist.

Then, in a single move he lifts me and pulls me to his seat. I sleepily watch as he opens his backpack and takes some bandages out.

"Hey...hurts" I complain softly when he pulls up my shirt a bit and starts bandaging my waist putting a lot of pressure on it. But I don't even flinch. The pain is slowly slipping away and suddenly staying awake seems like a too big effort. Everything's fine, I just need to rest for a second...

Syaoran seems to notice this, so he grabs me by my shoulders and shakes me roughly.

"Do NOT die on me Tomoyo" he says fiercely.

"What do you mean?" I ask quietly. He looks at me sadly.

I see his hands covered with my blood and a big pool of it around me. How much have I lost? A lot probably, considering my state of dizziness. But surely I'm not....I mean, this situation is surreal, he certainly doesn't mean...I look into his eyes once more.

Then I understand.

I'm dying. 

How can it end this way? This wasn't supposed to happen. Sakura...Eriol....Syaoran....my family...I always thought I had time. I don't want to leave you, but it seems destiny hasn't given me another option.

Little as my time might be, I won't give up yet, Syaoran, not until I make things right with you. I'll seize my last chance with all I've got.

"I need...I need to tell you something" I say between coughs.

"Don't speak, it will make it worse" he says severely, but I see his eyes are becoming blurred.

"Please forgive me. I meant no disrespect to Sakura-chan, things with Eriol just...happened" I say slowly.

He seems to want to speak but the plane looses height suddenly and he falls backwards. He gets up and returns to my side. I can barely keep my eyes open now, but I can't give up yet.

"Please, Syaoran, I need you to forgive me, you are my best friend..." I say trembling convulsively. He holds me tighter, and I can see a tear rolling down his cheek. 

"Please" I whisper.

"I have nothing to forgive, I should be the one apologizing. I'm sorry I made you feel that way, you have every right to be happy. You deserve it, Tomoyo-chan. Forgive me for being such an insensitive bastard" he says, his voice raspy as if just wanting to break down and cry badly.

I hold my hand up to wipe away the tear he has just shed, softly caressing his cheek, as the world around me gets darker.

"Thank you. Please tell Eriol and Sakura, when you find her, that I love them" I say softly.

"No, Tomoyo, don't leave me!" he says but I can hardly hear him.

I'm sorry, Syaoran. 

I won't forget you. 

************************************************************************************

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Syaoran's POV

No. I won't accept this. 

No, just no! This can NOT be happening! I refuse to believe any of this is real. It's just another bad dream, and I'll wake up eventually. Please, let it be a dream, god if you are listening, make this just a nightmare, please, I'll do anything, anything at all, I'll...

"Mom!!! Mommy, the girl is hurt!" my thoughts are interrupted by the little girl's scream. I look at her. Her mother immediately picks her up and takes her to another seat, as far a way as she can. 

And I snap out of it. It's not a dream so I'd better do something NOW. 

"ERIOL!" I shout with all my strength "ERIOL WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?!"

The plane keeps shaking badly but I can see him running in my direction.

"I was pushed forward, so I checked the pilot's cabin. There was no one there, I don't know who has been driving this-" he stops dead in the middle of the sentence when he sees who's in my arms. His eyes open wide, and I can see the terror in them. He leans down and takes Tomoyo in his arms. He listens to her heart and examines her waist.

"How long?" he asks

"Just now" I reply numbly. 

"Then we have a chance" he says and I'm struck. What does he mean?

He holds his hand to her wound and a bright light appears. I can feel its warmth. What now? After what feels like an eternity, with my heart being crushed slowly, he removes his hand and checks her pulse. I simply stare. I can't think.

Then he lets out a relieved sigh and pulls Tomoyo close to him, crying and kissing her. 

Then he looks at me for a moment and chokes "Fine for now"

She's alive.

God thank you so much, she's alive! I let out the shaky breath I had been holding. My nerves are still frazzled by the situation, adrenaline still running through my veins wildly. My body can't calm down and I find myself pacing up and down the aisle in the middle of the disaster that the plane has become. Not nearly as my head, though. So many thoughts cross my mind at once, confounding me...

I almost lost her too. And she stayed up for a few moments just to apologize. The effort could have really killed her but she did it anyway. For me. And I let her suffer with my cold act, thinking she didn't care. I can't believe what an egoistic, stupid, pathetic excuse for a human being I am. I just....I don't even have words to express how much I hate myself right now.

The plane then makes a sudden move, and I realize we are now descending almost vertically into the sea below us, so I'm forced to nudge Eriol. He nods and at once I feel how we are transported somewhere.

I feel myself lost in a whirlwind of colors.

Then everything goes black.

************************************************************************************

"Syaoran wake up"

I slowly open my eyes and I'm amazed at the paradisiacal place we are in. And where might that be? Wherever it is, it's beautiful. I spot Tomoyo lying beside me.

"She's fine" he says in a calm voice, but I can see his eyes shaking. The thought relieves me but I'm still not completely calm. So much has happened in the past hours, ever since we left Tomoyo's house, that I can't seem to take it all in. I try to think, but I can't clear my mind. Everything happened so fast. Our fight, the whole plane incident...I hadn't had so much action since...well, since card capturing days. And even then things had the least bit of sense. But I'm completely disorientated now. I turn to Eriol.

"I'm confused too" he admits "But one thing is clear: what attacked Tomoyo is definitely a dark force."

"But her wound...it's a knife's mark" I tell him.

"I know, but I found this too" he replies and he shows me a small tube with a fluorescent substance.

"Were did you get a tube in this place? Never mind, I don't want to know" I say as he lifts his eyebrows, ready to make an Eriol trademark retort "But tell me what this substance is"

"Those are the bad news. It's a mortal venom that kills in half an hour's time after it's applied, unless you find the cure. I worked on it as much as I could but I got there too late to heal it completely"

I don't understand. Is he saying Tomoyo's going to be all right, or...? The confusion must be evident in my eyes because he answers before I ask him the question.

"What I mean" he says "Is that I've only healed her partially, drawing out the time we have to find the real cure. I'd say we have 3 days, 2 to be safe, to find the cure and administrate it. Otherwise..."he closed his eyes and lowered his head, evidently not wanting to think about it. Neither do I.

"And where can we find this cure?" I ask him.

"Somewhere in Earlington" he replies "Which is exactly where we are"


	10. New senses

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Author's Notes: I'm sorry I took so long to update this part, but I had my winter holidays last week and instead of having more free time, I had my whole day full of things. A busy social life, ne? ;) Anyway, this chapter came out pretty smooth. Reflections from practically everyone are in this chapter, so I think you'll find it interesting. Chapter 11 promises more action, I believe, but we'll see.

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Dedicatory: To my reviewers, simply for being who you are.

I'll say goodbye for the two of us: When the truth breaks the silence

Part ten: "New senses"

By cherry blossom

Sakura looked steadily at the horizon before her. She was simply standing on the beach, with the small waves that reached her licking her feet, and the wind gently playing with her hair. The sky was an assortment of reds and oranges, and a golden shade. Mixed feelings poured into her heart as the last sunrays faded away.

How she loved to watch sunset.

A ghost of a smile appeared on her face as she noticed the star she had called as her own shinning weakly. There you are she thought and she began with the little game she had been playing ever since she got to this island. 

"Star light, star bright, first star I see tonight" she whispered. "I wish I may, I wish I might, but half the wish I wish tonight"

I wish... she started thinking, but couldn't finish the sentence.

What did she wish?

She sighed as she looked at the now inky blue sky. How long since this doubt had settled in her heart? She didn't know, but she surely wasn't enjoying it. Living this way was terrible. Total numbness, when she desperately attempted to feel something, filled her days, and anguishing, fierce emotions filled her nights. What was she to do? Every night after hours of thinking she would settle her mind on something. But when sun arouse, the passion she had felt would fade away, and the plan wouldn't seem like such a good idea. Where did the intensity go anyway? Not having what she wanted was a terrible thing, but not knowing what she wanted was infinitely worse. Especially, with the constant possibility of happiness waiting round the corner. 

She closed her eyes, simply enjoying the cool night breeze. Then she opened them and looked at her star once again. She offered it a small smile. The star twinkled, almost as if winking in return. It was amazing how small details like this star was could make her breath, relieved. But it was just this kind of things Sakura thanked still existed. She took comfort in the constancy of the star, for it seemed to be something she could count on, now that her life was threatening to fall apart. She knew it was ridiculous, but it made her feel better, and who was there to argue?

No one.

She reflected on this for a few moments. Isolation wasn't affecting her in the way she thought it would. In the past she would have been terrified at the perspective of being completely alone. In fact, she wouldn't have survived it. Her nature simply didn't accept detachment as an even possible factor. She was dependant person. To her, aloneness was pain. But right now she wouldn't say the same thing. Maybe she was getting accustomed to it. But it was certainly wasn't killing her.

Or so she thought.

*********************************************************************** 

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Syaoran's POV

So this is Earlington. Doesn't look like Dark Force Center 1 to me. Too beautiful, if you'll take my opinion. Eriol must have caught my doubtful look for he simply says, "Not everything is what it appears"

So it's a tricky place. I'll be on my guard then. I take one last look at the scenery around me before I focus on our most pressing issue right now.

"Ok, so where should we look for this cure? What is it, anyway?" I ask him.

"It's actually in a plant, a very rare one, I'm afraid. It's a pure white flower which grows in the midst of the Dark Forest" he replies.

"And where might that be?"

He moves his head, indicating a direction to our left. I can make out a dark spot at a distance. Probably this Dark Forest he's talking about.

"It doesn't seem so far" I comment, a hint of hope in my voice.

"It's not that easy, my descendant. This unique flower grows in the very heart of the forest, and is protectively hidden in the middle of a huge, black flowered bush."

"A bush? That doesn't seem such a hard obstacle to me"

"I don't know much about it, but its interior is supposed to be highly magical, and a test you have to pass"

"A test? What kind of test?"

"I have no idea, but it can't be an easy one"

This is already sounding quite complicated. And I wonder how we'll do all this with Tomoyo in this state. We probably shouldn't be carrying her around while we look for this flower. Which means there's a decision to make.

"One of us has to go and look for the cure, and the other one should stay with Tomoyo" I tell him. He nods softly and looks at Tomoyo. I think I can see tears forming in his eyes.

"I can go if you don't want to leave her side. You know. Just in case" I offer quietly.

"No way" he replies. "As much I want to stay with her, I know it's me who should go. There's something inside me that is telling me so"

"Are you sure?" I ask once again, maybe he just doesn't want to stay here and feel useless. I can totally understand that feeling.

"Dead sure" he says.

I wish he had chosen different words.

*************************************************************************** 

Tomoyo winced as her head painfully ached when she tried to get up. She had never had such a terrible headache. She abandoned her attempts at getting up and moaned softly, trying to return to the peace once settled around her. However, this little move caused a much bigger reaction than she thought.

"Tomoyo!!" she heard a voice scream. "Are you awake, can you listen to me?"

She felt herself being lifted and pulled into an embrace – Syaoran's embrace. His panicked voice filled her with anxiousness and she wondered what was going on. 

"Tomoyo, please, if you can listen to me let me know! Give me a sign, any sign!" he begged, fear very present in his voice. Tomoyo's whole body complained with pain as she struggled to open her eyes, but she ignored it, determined as she was to find out what was going on. Slowly, she let light fill her world as she tried to speak.

"S-Syaoran" she said, her voice a whispery squeak.

"Tomoyo! Are you ok? Where does it hurt? What can I do?" Tomoyo noticed how his voice trembled with each word. What could have happened to frighten him so?

"I'm fine" she whispered, steadying her voice "My head hurts a bit, but that's all"

Syaoran let his breath out, a bit relieved. "What about your waist?" he asked.

Tomoyo thought his inquiry was a bit odd. Why such a specific question? Anyway, she concentrated on her waist to see if she noticed something weird. And she did.

"Actually, now that you mention it..." she began softly, while she lowered her hand to touch the spot.

"Yes?" he asked

"Well, it does feel a bit funny. It's not pain, but more like a soft tickling...why are you asking?" she questioned, looking directly into his amber eyes for the first time since her awakening.

Syaoran, however, looked away and bit his lower lip, obviously trying to find a good answer. Tomoyo eyed him suspiciously.

"The truth doesn't usually take so much meditation to be revealed. Will you tell me what really happened, please?" she requested politely but firmly. No more lies she thought. Tomoyo was tired of being constantly overprotected. She needed the truth and she needed it now.

Syaoran sighed before he spoke. "Don't you remember?" he asked quietly.

Tomoyo stared at him, puzzled. What was she supposed to remember?

"The plane" Syaoran tried "We had an argument and you went to sit with Eriol. Then you got up and went to the toilet, and when you came back the whole plane was shaking and you–"

"Say no more" she replied softly, her eyes filling with tears. "I remember"

"Wanna tell me what happened in that toilet?" he asked quietly.

She shook her head. "I don't want to talk about it"

"We found knife marks on your waist, and a strange fluorescent substance" he started saying. Tomoyo kept shaking her head, looking down. She didn't want to hear this.

"Eriol managed to get to you before...well, before the situation became irreversible..."

Tomoyo, who was trying to force his words out of her ears, practically jumped at the mention of Eriol.

"Where is he? Where is Eriol?" she asked anxiously.

"If you'll let me continue–"

"No, I want to know where he is right away!" she said stubbornly, that was all she wanted to know. She didn't care about anything else, she didn't want to remember more...

"He's in the Dark Forest, trying to find a cure for what you don't want to remember!" said Syaoran, finally losing it. If Tomoyo didn't want to do it the nice way, she would have to go the hard way.

Just as he had expected, Tomoyo stopped her incessant head shaking and stubborn talk. She simply stared at the ground for a few moments while taking in the news. Then, she looked up at Syaoran, regret for her childish attitude minutes ago visible in her eyes and voice.

"Come again?" she whispered.

"He examined your waist while we were still on the plane, and did something to it. Then everything went black and we woke up on this island. I think he teleported us here, though he won't tell me. We are in Earlington now."

"We are? This is the place where Sakura-chan is?"

Syaoran seemed taken aback by the mention of Sakura's name. His worries over Tomoyo's condition had made him take no notice of his permanent pain for a short period of time. The ache in his heart, however, returned in full measure at that very moment. Tomoyo noticed this, and mentally slapped herself for being so insensitive.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to..." she began, but Syaoran didn't let her finish the sentence.

"No, it's ok. I need to get over this, and start focusing on how to get her back" he said, and looked down, reflecting on what he had just said. Tomoyo thought it was prudent to let him think by himself for a few moments, but minutes passed by and she couldn't hold herself any longer.

"So where did Eriol-kun go?" she asked timidly, breaking the silence. Syaoran shook his head lightly, snapping out of his momentary trance.

"When we woke up in this island, he told me he had found a fluorescent substance on your waist. He also said that he had gotten to you to late to heal it completely, and that the proper cure could be find in the Dark Forest, at your left, after that cave." He indicated. Tomoyo looked in that direction, focusing on the dark spot, just as Syaoran had some hours before.

"I could see he didn't want to leave your side, so I volunteered to go, but he mentioned something about a test he would have to pass to get the cure, and his need to take that test. I didn't understand much, but he seemed determined, so I let him go."

"When did all this happen?"

"Just a few hours ago. I know he wanted to stay until you awoke, but we didn't know when that would be, and time is precious, I'm afraid" he said, but it seemed more like he was talking to himself rather than to Tomoyo.

"What do you mean by time is precious?" she inquired, a horrible feeling going through her. Syaoran slapped a hand over his mouth. He had spoken more than he was supposed to. Tomoyo realized this and she stared at him long and hard.

"What are you not telling me? And don't you dare lie to me Li Syaoran!" she demanded when she realized he was cooking some story in his brain. But he can't fool me she thought I know him to well.

Syaoran sighed. She deserved to know the truth, and he wouldn't stand in her way.

"Eriol said...he said that the substance he found was mortal, and since he hadn't been able to heal it completely, we had two days –three days tops– to find the cure and administrate it. Otherwise..." Syaoran didn't want to finish the sentence.

Tomoyo nodded, acknowledging the fact. The truth was what she had expected it would be. Harsh and painful. But she knew it was for the better, no matter how much it hurt knowing it. After these reflections, she took Syaoran's hand and squeezed it, silently sealing their pact of unconditional friendship. As sunset began to fill the sky with intense orange and golden rays, sleepiness went upon her. Syaoran noticed and nodded, as if reassuring her that she could sleep easy while he watched over her. Tomoyo smiled and closed her eyes, but she spoke one last time before getting back to sleep.

"It's ok. I trust him. He'll come back with the cure, and I'll get better, and we'll find Sakura-chan. I promise" 

Her voice didn't quaver once. 


	11. Playing parts

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Disclaimer: Why do I even bother?

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Author's Notes: I'm so sorry! I know I haven't updated in a very long time, but I've been really busy. School is taking up all of my time lately, I'm having my finals, you see, and it's very important that I do well unless I want to spend the whole summer studying.

Anyway, we had left off with our heroes on the island, Eriol had gone to look for the medicine and Tomoyo and Syaoran had stayed behind, waiting for him. This chapter is a glimpse on both situations. Not too much action, but I promise a lot for part 12, k? Read and review!!

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Dedicatory: I don't want my other reviewers to think I don't appreciate their reviews deeply, but I have a special person I want to thank, for her support, friendship and advice. Anniki, this is for you.

"I'll say goodbye for the two of us: When the truth breaks the silence"

Part eleven: "Playing Parts"

By cherry blossom

Eriol shivered as the night fell upon him. The temperature had lowered itself noticeably, but he doubted it was the cool air that made him tremble. He was feeling cold inside...

He closes his eyes for a second and tried to regain control over himself. Losing his mind would definitely not help him in this situation. He had to keep his head cool, his mind clear, he needed to stay focused. Getting the medicine for Tomoyo would not be easy, but he knew it was imperative he did so. Eriol had promised himself he would never let Tomoyo get hurt, and even though he was failing miserably right now, he simply wouldn't let her die. And what was pushing him to act this way was, in Eriol's opinion, the most selfish, cowardly reason, and he hated himself for it. 

It was fear. Raw, blind fear. He was terrified of what might happen to him without Tomoyo. What was to become of him without her deep amethyst eyes, her radiant smile, her gentle touch, her immense and unconditional love? He didn't even want to think about it. But he knew for sure that he wouldn't make it without her. 

As he entered into the heart of the forest he began wondering what kind of test awaited him. A courage test? An intelligence test? Maybe a physical one...He really didn't know, and that made him feel quite vulnerable. He was used to knowing the answers to practically everything, or at least more than the others. No matter how much he hated admitting it, he liked the superiority feeling. Not that he thought he was a better person than the rest of his friends, of course, but he liked being the one they turned to when they were in trouble. Maybe he just liked being useful, feeling needed or something. Or, in simple words, he liked feeling he really had a place in this world.

Eriol sighed. Being Clow's reincarnation wasn't an easy job. He could handle pressure, duels, and physical stuff, but the issues of the heart were a something different. His mind was methodic and cool, he generally remained impassive to everyone and everything. But deep inside, his heart was filled with doubts and insecurities just like everyone or maybe even more. Was he really something besides Clow's reincarnation? All his life he had taken this last role, pushing his humanity inside, deeper, deeper into his heart, almost as if trying to make it disappear And why? Well, it was easier that way. What value did he have otherwise? He had never helped anyone, never made the smallest difference in anyone's life. And that was a thought that had slowly but surely been consuming him over the years...

Until Tomoyo came along.

He still couldn't believe that there could actually be someone like her in this world of suffering and coldness, and that he had been lucky enough to cross paths with her. More amazed even, at the fact that she shared the feelings he had for her. And she loved him, Eriol Hiraguizawa, the smart quiet boy, with the doubts and flaws common in a regular person. She had managed to separate his insecure self from Clow's perfection, and she had still chosen him. She made him feel special, wanted, loved. Being without her was unconceivable. 

More determined than ever he realized he had reached his destination. A tall, dark tree stood proudly before him. If you looked at it objectively it had nothing special, there was nothing tangible that differentiated it from the rest of the evil, eerie looking trees that conformed the forest. But somehow this one managed to irradiate this horrible feeling, this dark weight in Eriol's heart, so intense it left him breathless for a while. When he had regained enough strength to go on, he slowly approached the tree and touched it with his index finger, very lightly, as expecting a bad reaction from it

But there was no reaction at all. In fact, nothing happened until Eriol had placed his palm fully over the bark. Only then, slowly and quietly one of the cracks the tree had started opening more and more, until there was enough space for a grown man to go through it. Then, just as it had started it stopped. Eriol simply stood there for a few moments, waiting for something else to occur. When nothing did, he took a deep breath and entered, his anxiousness rising rapidly, for he did not know what was awaiting him inside. 

********************************************************************

Syaoran's gaze rested upon the sleeping girl he had in his arms. The whole night had passed without incident and he had to admit that it calmed him a bit. Besides, listening to Tomoyo's steady, regular breathing was helping him stay focused, soothing his ill-frazzled nerves. He knew he could take good care of Tomoyo for a few days, but he was so afraid of what he would do if Eriol didn't come back after the 3rd day. Should he stay with her or go look for the medicine? And if he did go, should he leave her or take her with him? Doubts tormented the heart of the young warrior as the sun began to rise, illuminating the whole island with its warm golden rays. He decided there wasn't much he could do now, so he should just focus on making Tomoyo feel good these days, until Eriol came back. He noticed Tomoyo was moving a bit, so he kissed her forehead lightly and whispered in her ear.

"Good morning, my sleeping beauty"

Tomoyo yawned. She had slept really well! In fact she didn't remember having slept as well as this in...well in a very long time. Even in the midst of the problems they were in, that very second she was feeling good. Tomoyo couldn't help herself, she smiled, and it lit up her face in such a way it surprised Syaoran.

"Why so happy this morning, Tomoyo-chan?" he asked.

"Oh, I just slept really well" she replied lightly, still smiling.

Syaoran was about to return her smile, but then frowned and spoke gravely. 

"How are you feeling?" he asked. "Any pain in your waist?"

"No, it feels quite normal" she answered, the smile disappearing from her face. Syaoran regretted making that question, for Tomoyo's happiness seemed to have vanished the second he mentioned this. But what was he to do? He couldn't pretend nothing had happened! It was his duty to make sure everything was okay.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to..." he mumbled.

"It's ok" she sighed. "I know your just worried" Her eyes adopted a serious, sad look for a moment, but it quickly disappeared, and they sparkled with renewed energy, though it seemed false. "So what time is it?" she asked in a cheerful voice, but Syaoran noticed it was forced. He decided not to make any comments, clearly she didn't want to talk about it and he would respect that. Maybe he'd talk to her about it later, but not now, not this very moment.

"Well, I lost my watch, but sun has just risen, so I figure its...7 or 8 in the morning? I'm not quite sure about sunrise time in this place, but its probably the time I mentioned" he replied thoughtfully.

"Ok, so what should we do today?" she asked. They weren't going to spend the whole day just sitting there, right?

"Well, first thing's first. I'm going to make you some breakfast" he replied

"You're cooking? That might be dangerous, I don't know if I want to eat something you make" she said teasingly.

It was an innocently funny comment, obviously intended to lighten things up a bit, but Tomoyo's intention backfired completely. Syaoran felt an icy stab in his heart when he listened to these words. Not that long ago he had heard the very same thing from his beloved Sakura...yeah, he remembered it perfectly...their first night together, he had offered to cook dinner and she had replied in such a similar way...god, they weren't such special words, they weren't meaningful at all! But somehow, they had burned themselves in his mind that very special night, and it hurt like hell to think about it now...

So lost he was in his memories, he didn't notice he had been staring at nothing in particular for a few minutes already. Tomoyo looked at him with a worried expression.

"Did I say something wrong?" she asked quietly.

Syaoran snapped back to reality and mentally punched himself for being such a weak person. He would have to forget his grief for a moment, he needed to focus on Tomoyo now. A carefully performed smile appeared on his face, but Tomoyo knew him too well to detect a fake Syaoran smile when she saw one. Just as him, however, she decided it wasn't the right moment to purse this issue. They would talk about it later.

"No, I'm fine! So what was I saying? Ah, yes, breakfast! You do not need to worry, my dear Tomoyo-chan, I doubt I can find something more elaborate than fruit!" he said.

Tomoyo laughed. "It's ok, anything will do" she said smiling back.

Syaoran got up. "I'll check around for something edible, I won't go to far though. Will you be all right?" he asked, unsure.

"Yeah, don't worry! I can be by myself for some time" she replied.

Syaoran nodded. "Ok, I'll be right back. Don't miss me too much" he said winking at her.

Tomoyo smiled. "Oh, I think I'll be fine" she answered, following the fake cheerfulness they were both forcing between them. When Syaoran had left, however, the grave, sad expression returned. They could pretend all they wanted, but the clock was ticking. She trusted Eriol and she knew he'd die for her if it were necessary. And that was precisely what she feared. What if he died in his attempt of getting her medicine? She would die too, and poor Syaoran-kun would be left all alone in his search for Sakura-chan. What if he never found her alone? She knew she wasn't very useful, not anything but moral support, but Eriol was indeed of vital importance. He knew this place better than anyone they could count on, so what if something happened to him? And it would all be her fault, for he was risking his life to get _her_ medicine. 

Feeling terribly angry with herself, she rested her head on a tree and started thinking ways to get out of this situation.

**********************************************************************

The first thing Eriol noticed was the cold. Freezing, piercing, intense cold. The temperature outside the tree was tropical compared to this. Hell, even the temperature in the North Pole had to be warmer than this. 

Once he had taken a step away from the entrance, deeper inside this weird place, it suddenly shut itself, leaving him in the middle of the chilling darkness. Eriol was paralyzed. His brain seemed to have frozen in this irrational fear that was taking upon him. Why was he suddenly so terrified? He hadn't really expected the entrance to stay open so that he could run back if things got tough, had he?

Of course not. He knew better than that.

Mentally slapping himself for wasting so much time, he whispered a few words and the interior of the tree was lit up dimly. His fears weren't completely dissipated, but at least he could see now, and it also tranquilized him a bit to know that his magic worked just fine here. For now, at least.

The first step was hard. He led himself slowly, quietly, afraid that the lightest move could unchain disaster in here. Even his breathing was shallow and soft. In a normal situation this would have seemed like excessive paranoia, but this was _not_ a normal situation. It wasn't his life that was in danger now, but Tomoyo's. And the truth was that nothing made him feel more vulnerable and insecure than the knowledge that if he messed up, it was Tomoyo suffering the consequences. This thought, however, was strengthening his determination, the only thing that forced him to stay sane. Once Tomoyo had her medicine and got better...well, maybe then he would panic and fall apart. But not know.

He continued down his path, which was now leading him downwards. It stretched endlessly before him, dark and unwelcoming, but he could see a glimmer at the end of it, soft, but definitely there. The funny thing about it, though, is that no matter how long he had been walking (and to him it seemed like a very long time) it didn't appear to be any closer. The distance between him and the weak sparkle was still the same. Nervous as he was, he couldn't pay too much attention to it, so decided to ignore it for the meantime. 

Time passed by and he started to wonder if this was a patience test. Or maybe a psychological test, perhaps they wanted to find out how much he could take of this before losing it. He was feeling very tired, cold and sore. His feet seemed very heavy and he was having trouble breathing properly. He was beginning to feel lightheaded and his vision was blurred. And the damn glimmer that he couldn't reach was making it all worse for a reason he didn't fully understand. But it was just annoying.

Eriol was just about to have an outburst when suddenly it all became very clear to him. He looked at the soft light questioningly and it seemed to twinkle in response. He stopped right there, took a deep breath and looked backwards. There was nothing but vast darkness. Terrified and excited that his theory was correct, he turned and stretched his hand.

An again felt the cold roughness of the bark.

Damn he had been right! He wasn't moving a single inch from the entrance! He had just been walking and walking uselessly. Rage took the better of him, his breathing became heavy and his hands trembled with fury. He completely forgot about his anterior cold and tiredness, the anger running through his veins was burning him up. How could he have been so stupid he didn't notice it before? This wasn't the real test! This was just a limbo, to tire him so that he wouldn't do well afterwards. Hell, and he thought he actually was an intelligent person! Dumb, arrogant, big-headed bastard, that's what he was! He was loosing precious time and Tomoyo was paying for it. No, he just couldn't believe the jerk he was, it just...

"AAHHHRRRGH!!!"

His yell broke the eerie silence in this mortal trap. His fear, exhaustion, anxiousness, self-hatred, everything is his heart just went all out in that scream. A pure white light that came from his very soul, from his love for Tomoyo enveloped him and it grew bigger, stronger until the darkness completely disappeared.

Despite the brightness around him, Eriol felt his world going darker by the second. 

I love you Tomoyo was his last thought, before everything went black, and he felt himself falling and falling...

********************************************************************

Syaoran rummaged through the forest distractedly, looking for something to eat. The vegetation in the island was varied, many trees and plants with the most beautiful flowers ever were everywhere. But he still couldn't find any fruit. Holding up his hand to block the sunlight out of his eyes, he scanned the woods thoroughly. A bit farther to his left he could make out a vague form of a palm tree. Maybe I can get some coconuts he thought. He started walking in that direction, a bit uneasy about stretching the distance between him and Tomoyo. True, she had seemed fine when he was talking to her a while ago. But there was something about her look, about her voice...he couldn't quite put his finger on it, but there was definitely something wrong. Another person might have been fooled by Tomoyo's perfect acting, but he knew her too well. The problem was that he didn't know how to handle this situation. 

He wasn't the most sensitive person on earth, in fact, he had always fought against this side of him, against his feelings. Of course he had changed a lot since he had met his Sakura, but the intensive training to hide his feelings he had received in his early childhood had left deep marks. His primal instincts still were to ignore his heart. So dealing with Tomoyo would be difficult. Syaoran was by nature a quiet, reserved person. He had a great mind, very intense feelings, but he didn't voice them. He wasn't very good with when it came to words. So how could he make Tomoyo feel better? How could he show his support? He didn't really know...but he knew better than to let things just pass by. The truth was that they couldn't ignore the situation forever. They needed to talk, to connect. The two of them together were stronger than they were apart. He knew perfectly well that Tomoyo was putting the entire cheerful act for his benefit, and she was probably breaking down inside.

He was still going on about this in his mind when he reached the palm trees, and began getting coconuts down. If he hadn't been so lost in his thoughts he probably would have noticed the fresh footprints, which led all the way to the other side of the beach where an emerald-eyed beauty was sitting, her heart as troubled as his.


	12. Figure it Out

**Disclaimer:** Not mine, not now, not ever.

**Author's Notes:** I'm so deeply, profoundly sorry I haven't updated for so long. I know it's really mean to do that to my so faithful reviewers, and I'll be forever in debt with you for not giving up on me.   
This is for my best friend in the whole world, Andre (Moony Lover) and for another great friend, Anime Queen.   
And of course, for all of you who have reviewed. Your support is priceless to me.

Enjoy!

"I'll say goodbye for the two of us: When the truth breaks the silence"

Part Twelve: "Figure it out"

By cherry blossom

The sun was shinning when Eriol regained consciousness. He awoke suddenly, painfully, as if having a really bad hangover. His head was throbbing and he felt slightly nauseous. It took him a whole minute to remember what he was doing and what had happened. 

He figured out that he had somehow been transported to this place, by the same force that had knocked him out. He shuddered for a minute, evoking the coldness and desperation that had assaulted him back in that strange tunnel. Then, sighing, he got up and looked around. He seemed to be back at the island, though there was something different about it. The sun was hurting his eyes, so he held his hand over them. How long since he was at the tunnel? He didn't have the vaguest idea about the time he had spent in there and how long he had slept just now. He bit his lip, trying to decide what to do. He closed his eyes and tried to quiet his worried mind, intending to hear, to feel anything. Then it struck him what was odd about this place.

Not a sound could be heard out there. No birds chirping, no insects buzzing, no wind humming, not even the sound of the waves gently caressing the sand. The silence was so absolute, so thick it was almost palpable. Strange, thought Eriol.

Nevertheless, knowing that didn't help him solve the puzzle he had gotten himself into. He decided the most reasonable thing was to get into the forest, and try to find the tree again. He began walking, noticing how much noise he made in that eerie silence. As he went deeper into the forest, he began noticing the same coldness once more. Desperation was slowly filling his heart again. _The answer is right here, I just need to figure out where exactly, he thought trying to keep calm. He finally reached the tree, put his hand over it, and it opened, just as before. He didn't enter this time, though, that would have been foolish. _At least I now what NOT to do_, he thought sarcastically._

He took a walk around the try trying to find another entrance or anything that would help him. He tried kicking the tree. He tried casting a spell on it. Nothing worked. After a while, exhausted, he rested on a rock just near the entrance that had opened.

"Ok, stupid tree," he began angrily. "I've kicked you, tried magic with you, entered you…and still there is nothing. I know you're a riddle with a simple answer, but I just can't figure it out," he continued, but there was no response whatsoever from the tree. Eriol frowned. He felt stupid talking to a tree, but what else could he do? Really, what did they want from him?

"Listen, tree," he tried again. "I'm having a hard time with this. The thing is, I would do anything to get the medicine for Tomoyo. Absolutely anything. But I don't know what I'm supposed to do in order to get it. I got into that tree thinking that something would attack me, or that I had to reach the other side or something…but nothing happened until I finally…" Eriol let his voice trail off, a thought suddenly coming across his mind. He had been trapped, until the fear of losing Tomoyo, the fear that came from his very love for her had made him explode…So, they key was love. Now, if he would just know how to use it…

He frowned again. He felt like he was facing a terrible mathematical problem, which he knew the answer to, but simply couldn't work it out.

"Ok, tree…the solution is love. I've come this far, how about a little help now?" he offered timidly. In response, a great wind started to blow, making the leaves move noiselessly. 

"Right, the silence has something to do with this too…" he said, more to himself than to the tree. "But, what? I don't see the connection" 

He looked at the tree again. It was lively and beautiful, its leaves slowly swishing in the wind. "But this is a test, someone's testing me. So this two elements, love and silence are related to me somehow…if I could just find out how," he told the tree. He thought a bit more, and decided maybe he should state the reason why he needed this medicine. Maybe the right combination of words would do something. He passed his theory to the tree, which didn't speak but slowly moved forwards and backwards, as if nodding. Eriol took that for a yes.

"Ok, tree…the reason I need this medicine, is because I have to get it for Tomoyo. I love her, and I don't think I'll be able to live without her. But, I also believe, that she must have it, because it's her will to live. Tomoyo is a free soul, with so much to give…and she simply cannot be silenced, because without her, my world would be silenced too. Now tree, you can ask whatever you want from me, no matter what. I would die for Tomoyo…but I'd much rather live for her…" Eriol whispered, his voice full of emotion, a solitary tear running down his cheek. "If you give me this, I swear I'll never ask for anything else again in my life. Tomoyo is all I want in the world…or elsewhere," he finalized with a catchy voice. 

This time, the tree didn't move, but the whole world stood still as the entrance was suddenly lit up by a blinding light, which Eriol followed almost in a trance. When he got out of it he found himself in a beautiful garden, right in the middle of the forest.

The whole place irradiated a sense of beauty and love, and Eriol was lost in the scenery before him for a while. Then, he spotted a black flowered bush, and remembered his task. He approached cautiously, but the bush gave no signs of being harmful at all. Once he had reached it, a bit puzzled by its grand size, he made his way to the center of it.

There, stood proudly the unique white flower, glittering, glowing in the darkness surrounding it. It was breathtakingly beautiful, so pure, so white, so fragile. It had the shape of a rose, and its petals appeared to be made of pure ice. Eriol hesitated for a moment, half expecting something to jump out and attack him, before reaching for it. Nothing jumped, but something did happen. No sooner he had laid hands on the flower, it had sent him a powerful vibration that had burnt his hand, making him let go of the rose. He frowned. Frankly, he had had enough of mysterious tests and stuff around this issue. Should he speak to the flower as well? Something was telling him it wasn't that simple…

Suddenly, he noticed a piece of parchment in front of the flower. He picked it up, vaguely wondering why he hadn't spotted it before. It read: "Reciprocity." It was a pretty clear message in Eriol's opinion. He evoked memories about his readings on Laws of Nature and sure enough, the Reciprocity Law came to his head: "Equilibrium in nature is essential. Take and something shall be taken from you. Give and you shall be given." It was simple, as all important things are. He had to give something in exchange for the magical flower. But what? Reciprocity law was clear on it: equilibrium. It was obvious that he would have to give up something extremely valuable to get that flower. The problem was that he didn't posses anything valuable at all. Well, except for his magic, of course, but surely that wasn't…Or was it? He fingered his magic key for a moment, uneasily. No, it had to be a mistake. Surely, he couldn't…

He looked at the piece of parchment in his hand, and was a bit surprised to notice it had changed. It now read the word "Love". 

Eriol bit his lip. He had pronounced that word himself earlier. He had in fact assured the tree he was ready to give up anything for love. And love meant Tomoyo. And Tomoyo meant everything that was good in his pathetic existence. But it hadn't crossed his mind that _this would be the price he had to pay for it. __Weren't you complaining earlier about being Clow's reincarnation? Didn't you say you magic wasn't needed for Tomoyo?, an annoying voice in the back of his head said. He frowned once again. But then noticed yet another word had appeared on the slip of parchment. "Silence" Then he got it. It was either his magic, or facing the complete silence of the rest of his lonely existence. There wasn't much choice. _

He took off the necklace holding the key, and softly placed it by the flower as he took it. He also put down the parchment beside the key, turned around and walked towards where he had left his love waiting for him. He held the rose to his heart, a warm feeling growing inside him. And in that instant, he was convinced he had made the right decision. 

He didn't look back once.

 It was the afternoon of the second day, and to say that Syaoran was worried was a bit of an understatement. To say that he was savagely, utterly, completely, desperately panicking and very near to the line of declared insanity…well, you were getting in the neighborhood. 

Unlike the first day, when Tomoyo had seemed lively and happy (even if it was just a performance), she was now either over her acting aspiration, or in too much pain to pretend anymore. She was lying in Syaoran's arms, who was desperately trying to keep her warm, but not succeeding. He had enveloped her icy body in his own heat, right beside a fire, he had talked, even sang to her. He had offered him food and water and whatever he could think about to make her more comfortable. But still, she remained silent, breathing heavily, her eyes open and out of focus. 

Where the hell was Eriol?

He asked himself that question for what seemed to be the millionth time in that minute, when he sensed someone coming. He stopped his sweet-talk to Tomoyo and listened. Sure enough, footsteps could be heard. He crossed his fingers for good luck, and waited.

Sure enough, Eriol's tired figure appeared out of the dark. To Syaoran's pleasure and great relief, he was holding what appeared to be a rose made out of ice. Once Eriol had spotted them, he rushed to their side.

"How is she?" he asked miserably, in a faint voice. Syaoran was startled. Never in his life had he seen Eriol looking so beaten down. Sure, the circumstances made it reasonable, but it was still impressive to see him in that state.

"Not well," he responded gravely. "Get her the medicine now."

Eriol frowned, breathing shallowly. Syaoran gave him an inquiring look. "Do _something_ with that flower!" he exclaimed. Eriol shook his head, wordlessly. 

"What?" cried Syaoran. "What?!"

Eriol didn't respond this time. He needed magic to do the potion that would cure Tomoyo. And, of course, that simply hadn't occurred to him, while he was so poetically giving up the only damn thing he was good at. Hadn't the fucking piece of parchment foreseen that? _I'm never making deals with plants again, he thought bitterly. There was no use cursing now, anyway. Instead he concentrated deeply and prayed, with all the passion he had. __Oh, God, he pleaded.__ Please, help me with magic just this once! Then, to his amazement, the rose he was clutching suddenly changed into a small tube with a glowing white substance. Not loosing a second, he opened Tomoyo's mouth and made her swallow the substance. _

The recovery was instant. Tomoyo suddenly sat up, confused and stared at him. The color was returning to her cheeks. Eriol pulled her towards him, and hugged her tightly, kissing her neck then moving all the way to her lips. Syaoran smiled, relieved, and left them alone, deciding he would welcome Tomoyo back later.

"Eriol," Tomoyo whispered. "What happened? How did you…?"

"It doesn't matter, Tomoyo. All that matters is that you're here with me now, and that I love you and I'm never going to let you go again," he said passionately. He felt overflowing with love for her, wanting to hold her to him and never let go.

"But what did you do? Did they do something to you?" she inquired still worried.

"No, my love," he whispered. "Nothing essential."

And then, both of them feeling very tired, they laid down, caressing each other, wanting that moment to go on endlessly. But when Tomoyo finally fell asleep, and Eriol was trying to, he suddenly remembered what had happened. Roses didn't transform into medicine tubes just like that, as far as he knew. Magic had definitely been involved in that transformation. But who's? His? He was supposed not to have it anymore! What had happened then?

Syaoran then approached, interrupting his thoughts.

"You seemed preoccupied," Syaoran told him, as he sat down beside him. Eriol nodded.

"Care to tell me about it?" Syaoran inquired.

Eriol did. He told him everything that had happened. The tunnel, the silent island, how he had talked to the tree, the garden, the flower and the piece of parchment. Syaoran seemed as puzzled as him. They spoke for a while, thinking up theories, none too convincing. After a while, Syaoran desisted.

"Well, it's pointless to wonder why it happened. It matters that you were able to do magic and that Tomoyo is better. Let it be," he stated, before lying down himself. Eriol nodded to him, but he still kept wondering. Then, he noticed that Tomoyo's right hand was closed, apparently holding something. He softly opened it to reveal a piece of parchment, identical to that beside the rose. He looked at it and smiled. It read a simple, but true phrase. Eriol closed his eyes, finally resting, and thought that maybe he wasn't that useless after all. He dozed off quickly, and the parchment was softly swept by the wind, carrying a message that Eriol would remember for the rest of his life.

"The real magic is in you heart"

Sakura awoke suddenly, a hand over her heart, her eyes wide open, her senses fully alert. She quickly stabilized her irregular breathing and looked around. Two things about the scenery before her struck her as odd. Firstly, the colour of the sky, the golden light of sunrise. When she had finally fallen asleep, the sun was in the exact same position. She felt like she had slept for quite a while…but had she slept so long that the sun was rising again? Or had she really slept at all? Time was behaving in a most peculiar way, and keeping track of it was getting harder. Not that it really mattered, did it? She frowned, trying to remember why she had been so obsessed about knowing these things a few days ago. Or had it been weeks? She thought about it for a few moments, and then realized she didn't really care.

The second thing that had struck her as odd was the definite presence of someone else near her. She just knew that someone had been very close to her, and wasn't far away now, but who could it be? She had thought this was a dessert island…well, not that she had thought about it much, she had simply assumed it was uninhabited. Why would anyone be there? For the same reason as she was, perhaps? But then again, why was she there in the first place? She frowned again. Nothing like this had occurred to her before…it had just seemed…_natural_ for things to be the way they were. And to add weirdness to this whole thing, she had sensed a vague trace of familiarity in the aura. But what would her family and friends be doing here? Oh, yes, she could remember the people she knew very well, but their relationship with her was becoming more blurred with time. Her memories seemed to her as delicate pieces which, even though they belonged to the same puzzle, didn't seem to fit together. Trying to make them fit, looking for a connection between them...it was all emotionally exhausting. 

Sakura rubbed her temples. She was starting to have a terrible headache. She looked at the sky, and found the sun shunning brightly high in the sky. _Midday__? But the sun was just rising a little while ago…, she thought, but her headache was getting even worse, so she decided not to pay attention to any of those issues...  _

Did they really matter?


	13. Something is terribly wrong!

**Author's Notes:** Firstly, I want to apologize for the delay! I'm so, so, _so_ sorry! This fanfic is taking forever, and I haven't had much time lately…Anyway, my biggest apologies to everyone!

Now, as for this chapter, I can gladly announce that something you've been waiting for finally happens…but with a twist. I'm not sure how I will work this out yet, this fic almost has a life of its own…I swear I have absolutely no power over this story! I sit down and type, and when I'm done I find plenty of stuff that wasn't even in my mind! Kinda spooky, huh?  
Anyway, I don't expect you to like this chapter very much…but bear with me, people! I'll tame my rebel hands and write something happier soon, ok?

**Disclaimer:** If CCS were actually mine, there would be plenty of kawaii S+S moments, and also some E+T, and…*blabbers madly*

**Dedicatory:** This one's for my best friend in the whole world! Moony Lover te kierooo! Feliz Día del Amigo!!

"I'll say goodbye for the two of us: When the truth breaks the silence"

Part Thirteen: "Something is terribly wrong!"

By cherry blossom

Syaoran sighed as he watched the happy couple sleep contently. It's not like he wasn't glad they were happy together, really he wished nothing but the best to his friends…After all, they deserved happiness after all this pain…

The thing was that he couldn't help longing for Sakura even more desperately than before. 

The Chinese boy crossed his arms tightly, as if trying to hold himself together. He had been so worried about Tomoyo the past few days his heart-ache had seemed less intense. It was back now, though, and it felt even worse to him.

He quietly stood up and began walking down the beach. Walking always helped him clear his head a bit. Besides he was enjoying the icy water caressing his feet, the wind slapping his face, the pale sunlight hiding away behind clouds. It all seemed to reflect his feelings, his grief, his pain.

Syaoran quickened his pace, as if trying to run away from the pain that was haunting him. He just didn't want to suffer anymore. He was tired, tired of crying, tired of hoping, tired of losing hopes, tired of living in a constant shadowy world. But there was no way out, other than finding Sakura. 

He needed her, like he needed air to breath. Syaoran was like a complicated arrangement of puzzle pieces, and Sakura was the piece that held them all together. She had become the whole foundation of his life, and without her he was nothing. 

Tears began running down his cheeks, and he stopped running. What point was there? He lied down on the sand, which was still warm after hours of sunlight, and stared into the sky. Huge masses of black and gray clouds were swirling above his head as he cried loudly. Then suddenly, he stopped.

His head was throbbing, his lungs felt like they were on fire, and he was having trouble breathing. His pain was just as intense as ever. His eyes were just as sad, his tears were just as desperate. 

But there was something different.

He could sense someone near him, an important, familiar aura. An aura that didn't belong to either Eriol or Tomoyo.

Syaoran gasped, his eyes open wide. It couldn't be…

But as he turned around, his eyes laid upon a small figure, not far from where he was, with auburn hair dancing in the wind, and expectant emerald eyes staring right back at him.

Sakura stared at the man before her. She contemplated his messy brown hair and fiery amber eyes, stained with fresh tears. Syaoran wore and expression of such shock on his face! And there was more…his feature described so many emotions it was hard to make each one out individually. 

Silence between them, they stared at each other. Sakura didn't dare move, for the scene seemed to be of extreme fragility, as though a simple word could break it into a million pieces. The card captors were looking at each other so intently, the world appeared to fade away, and time seemed to lose its constancy. Sakura would never be able to tell how long it had been until Syaoran finally woke up from his daze and rushed towards her. She felt herself being hugged and kissed like there was no tomorrow, and everything that happened next was a blur. 

Syaoran seemed to be beyond words, for all he did was place his head over her heart and cried desperately. Sakura could feel his tears wetting her shirt, his grip on her getting tighter and tighter…but somehow she felt outside the whole thing… like her soul had been removed from her body, and was watching the scene from someplace far away… She started caressing the crying boy's hair almost mechanically…it seemed the only reasonable thing to do. 

At her touch, Syaoran hugged her even more tightly and she was beginning to feel suffocated. He didn't appear to be letting go anytime soon, and Sakura didn't know how much longer she could take the current situation. She was feeling light headed and short of breath. Syaoran seemed to be unaware of the strength of his grip and Sakura couldn't find the words to tell him to let go. Her mind was trying to process so many things at a time she couldn't think straight anymore. She felt herself loose balance, and the world became darker as she finally closed her eyes and let herself go.

Syaoran's eyes were getting watery from not blinking. But how could he? How could he even think about closing his eyes for a split second, when his very reason of existence stood before him, a rush of light and beauty and love? What if she was gone when he opened his eyes? No, if this indeed was an illusion he wanted to make it last as long as he could. Oh, the scene was so still! Syaoran felt like part of a picture, unable to move, immortalized forever. Until…

Until, suddenly, he felt water gently caressing his feet. That brought him back to reality, causing him to blink. Yes, it was real. The scene was real. It wasn't his imagination playing mean tricks on him. He had to get to Sakura _right away! _

But his moves seemed so slow to him! He felt like someone had lowered the speed of time and action, as if moving underwater. Oh, the agony, the bittersweet pain of anticipation! He felt as if his heart was about to burst inside his chest, as he shortened the distance that separated him from her. And then finally…he reached her.

Syaoran was completely overwhelmed by holding his beloved cherry blossom. He couldn't seem to get enough of her. He hugged her tightly, kissed her, and yet it wasn't enough, he needed more. Inside, a tiny voice was telling him something was terribly wrong, but it was drowned by rush of warm feelings that assaulted him now that he held the love of his life in his arms once again. 

He felt his tears splash down her chest. He was so miserably, painfully happy! Shame on him, to be crying like a baby, but he couldn't help it! In fact, he was so absorbed in his own emotions he hadn't noticed Sakura wasn't kissing or hugging him back. The voice in head made its warning again, and he felt a sudden chill down his spine. _Something is terribly wrong!_

Just then, he felt Sakura exhale deeply and pass out in his arms. He froze. Ok, he didn't know what he had expected, but this was definitely _not it! Immediately, he felt the desire to bang his head onto something. Of course, there he was again, thinking about himself when she could be hurt or something! Why did he keep doing that? Why did he keep putting himself before her?_

_It's not time to think about that, Syaoran!_, he scolded himself. _Get Sakura to where Eriol and Tomoyo are, you can torture yourself afterwards. Without further thought, he rushed to where his friends had fallen asleep a while ago, with his sleeping cherry blossom in his arms._

"Eriol! Eriol wake up!" Syaoran shouted as he approached the sleeping couple. He didn't want to waste a single second. Luckily, Eriol awoke instantly at the calling of his name.

"What's all the yelling for, Syao-" he began moodily, but abruptly stopped when he caught sight of the Chinese boy. He gasped, his eyes wide open, and started shaking Tomoyo. The raven haired girl showed no signs of wanting to get up, but Eriol's insistent tugging was not easy to ignore. She opened her eyes, ready to kick the person that had woken her up, when she too spotted Syaoran. Her reaction was exactly like Eriol's. Just plain, absolute, numb surprise. She, however, recovered quickly from the shock, and happiness shone in her eyes.

"Sakura-chan!" she gasped, and immediately rushed to where Syaoran was standing. On those few steps, however, she noticed two important things. One, Sakura was unconscious. Two, Syaoran was wearing the pained, preoccupied expression she knew so well. A horrible feeling began to take over her. 

_Something's terribly wrong!_

She looked at Syaoran expectantly, and as he turned his head away, the feeling was confirmed. They walked back to where Eriol was, apparently still in shock. The blue eyed boy shook his head, and quickly regained his senses. He exchanged looks with Syaoran, who shook his head. The scene seemed to go on forever, until Tomoyo spoke.

"What's wrong with Sakura-chan?!" she questioned in a thin voice. It occurred to her that they had been in complete silence until then. She crossed her arms in front of her, trying to hold herself. Something about this place was giving her the creeps, and she couldn't shake the feeling off.

"I…I don't know," replied Syaoran quietly. He laid Sakura on the floor and took as step back as Eriol examined her. He didn't want to touch her again, he was afraid to hurt her as he had just done. 

Eriol looked at her intently, as if trying to make sure it really _was Sakura. He checked her pulse, and listened to her heartbeat. Everything seemed fine, she appeared to be simply asleep. But then, when he brushed a strand of hair out of her face, he suddenly felt it. He shrugged involuntarily, and he felt cold all over, as dark thoughts took over him._

_Something is terribly wrong!_

"What do you mean you don't know what's wrong her?" demanded Syaoran. He would take Eriol's smug attitude constantly, only because he seemed to know about everything.

"I don't think I could be clearer, Syaoran," replied Eriol coldly. He was tired of Syaoran constantly assuming he was to know everything and have all the solutions in his shirt pocket.

"Please, guys, don't start fighting," pleaded Tomoyo tiredly. "Eriol, what did you see when you examined her?"

"Nothing really…she looked fine to me, except…" he narrowed his eyes slightly.

"Except what?" questioned Syaoran.

"Well, I got this really horrible sensation when I touched her. A dark feeling I haven't been able to shake off…" he replied honestly.

"That's what happened to me too!" exclaimed Syaoran.

"I felt the same way even though I didn't touch her," added Tomoyo. "But I think this is very clear…" she let her voice trail off, and looked at both sorcerers.

_Something is terribly wrong!_

"I know…" replied Syaoran thoughtfully. "But what is it?"

"I think we'd better ask Sakura herself," declared Eriol. "Looks like she's waking up right now"

And sure enough, the Card Mistress was shifting in her sleep, was awake in no time. She yawned and stretched, as if totally unaware of her friends' presence, her eyes still closed. She rose, breathing deeply, and opened her eyes. Just then her gaze met Syaoran's once again. She smiled.

"Good morning, Syaoran" she said simply. She then directed her look at the couple standing beside him. "And to you too, Tomoyo, Eriol," she continued warmly. There was a moment of awkward silence, and then Tomoyo jumped towards her friend. 

"Sakura-chan!" she cried and hugged her friend, tears in her eyes. "I've missed you so much!" She kissed Sakura on the cheek, and held both her hands. "I'm so happy to see you!"

"Thanks Tomoyo, I'm glad to see you too," replied Sakura, still smiling. Eriol, who had been quiet during the whole conversation, quickly smiled himself. He gave Sakura a hug, and kissed her hand.

"Thank god," he said simply, and, putting an arm around Tomoyo, he led her a bit farther away, at a respectful distance.

 Syaoran was left now, standing before her. He wore a puzzled, preoccupied expression. He opened his mouth to say something, but no words came out. He wanted nothing more than to rush towards Sakura again, but he was afraid of what had happened earlier. Now that he had had some time to adjust to Sakura being around again, he could think more clearly. In fact, it seemed thinking was the only thing he could do, for he felt unable to move, to even speak.

Sakura waited patiently, standing still and calm, while Syaoran looked at her thoroughly. She looked exactly like the girl he loved. The same auburn hair, evergreen eyes, small figure…everything seemed the same as ever.

Yet something was different.

Syaoran couldn't quite put his finger on it, but there was something odd about her…something precise, yet vague…

_Something is terribly wrong!_

His mind was screaming, and his senses were warning him too. Almost every part of him was giving him the exact same message.

But when she smiled at him, all those things were forgotten. He felt his heart swell, and he could think no more. Rushing towards her, he pulled her in a hug, and pressed his lips to her temple. Unlike the fiery passion he had experienced before, he now felt only that calm, blissful sensation of love throughout his entire body. His movements were gentle, sweet and loving, and the warmth of her body against his had an immediate peaceful effect.

"Sakura…" he whispered, his voice full of emotion. "I was so afraid…" he let his voice trail off as she gently caressed his back. Finally he pulled back a bit to take another look at her, and spoke a bit more firmly. "I'm so relieved you are ok…"

Sakura's expression of warm content then changed, and a puzzled look took over her eyes. She stared into Syaoran's amber eyes, and her sweet, melodic voice spoke once again.

"Why wouldn't I?"


	14. Troubled Minds

**Author's Notes:** Yay! I can't believe how fast I'm updating! I guess my eagerness to finish this fanfic is paying off…I'm getting tired of it, aren't you? But don't worry, I'm not a quitter. I'll finish this fanfic and give it the ending it deserves…  
  


Anyways, I just noticed some of you were thinking I was getting off the mainline of the ff while describing all those Sakura scenes and stuff. Don't worry, it'll all come together eventually. I've got plans for all those details that seem disconnected to the fanfic itself. Just pay attention to Sakura's feelings and thoughts throughout the next chapters…and, when the time comes, you'll be able to see the point with its full magnificence…Very soon, I promise!  
  


One last thing: I'm really sorry for not giving you more kawaii S+S moments. I know you were all expecting last chapter to be a lot different, but bear with me people! This story still has a long way to go, and I'll be sure to make it up to you guys! 

Thanks a lot to all my reviewers, you guys are the best! This is for all of you! 

"I'll say goodbye for the two of us: When the truth breaks the silence"

Part Fourteen: Troubled Minds

By cherry blossom

Syaoran froze. Had he heard right? Or perhaps his ears were playing foul tricks on him? Was Sakura just kidding? But she wouldn't joke about something like that…would she? No, he was probably hearing things.

"Well, you know…" he said, letting his voice trail off. Then, instinctively he took her hand and squeezed it affectionately. "Oh, Sakura, I feared the worst…"

"I'm afraid I don't understand," she replied. Her voice was calm, and she was smiling, but the smile seemed somewhat…fake?

Syaoran opened his mouth, but he couldn't find the right words. Eriol and Tomoyo, who had evidently been overhearing the conversation, subtly approached. Syaoran attempted to continue the conversation.

"You know what I mean, Sakura…" he tried softly.

"No, I don't Syaoran, I've just told you," she replied a bit coldly. The smile on her face vanished in the act. 

"Well, when…when you-you went missing and…you know…that…I…I just…" Syaoran stammered uncertainly. As he said those words, he thought he saw a horrible expression cross Sakura's face. But a moment later it was gone, so he assumed he had imagined it.

"What are you talking about?" she demanded, letting go his hand. To Syaoran, that simple gesture felt like a stab in his heart. His eyes widened a bit, and his hand remained extended, as if expecting her to take it again.

"I-I…don't make me say it, Sakura…you know-" he began quietly, definitely not like the tone of the conversation, but he was interrupted.

"I don't know! Stop saying that! I don't know! I don't want to know!" replied Sakura, raising her voice. Her cold, furious expression caught Syaoran off-guard, and he felt tiny and weak beside her. That horrible feeling he had experienced crept upon him once again. He shuddered involuntarily, as if a cold breeze had just swept by. He felt completely paralyzed by a sensation that oddly resembled fear…Fear? Could he be afraid of his Cherry Blossom?

Fortunately for him, Eriol interceded.

"Calm down, Sakura, we understand you might be a bit stressed about-" he began in a calm voice, but Sakura didn't let him finish.

"I'm not stressed! I just don't know what you're talking about!" she said loudly.

"Sakura, the best thing to do is to face what has happened and-"

"Nothing has happened! I'm perfectly fine! Now LEAVE ME ALONE!" she cried, and took off, running towards the other end of the beach. Syaoran was about to start running after her, but Eriol stopped him.

"Don't. Not now at least. I'll be able to track later," he assured. "I think we should sit down and have a talk, and decide how to deal with this…"  
Syaoran nodded slowly, not really paying attention. Sadness tainted his heart, as he stared at the sky with a pained, lost expression. It wasn't fair, he thought miserably. He had only just found her…! Why? Why did he feel like he was loosing her all over again? Physical distance had separated them before…but this was so much worse! Even when he had held her to him, her heart had felt a thousand miles away… And, damn it, that hurt so much more! 

He could have gone on torturing himself, but he felt a small hand take his. He looked up into Tomoyo's amethyst eyes, and saw a true reflection of his own feelings. And along with all the pain, he saw determination. A warm feeling spread through his heart. If Tomoyo was still determined to win this over, then he was too. He wouldn't loose hope. He wouldn't stop trying. For Tomoyo's sake, and for his own…and for Sakura. He wouldn't leave her alone. This time he'd help her right.

He squeezed Tomoyo's hand. 

_We're in this together._

Eriol, Tomoyo and Syaoran sat in silence for a while. The night was cool and refreshing, and a pleasant breeze was blowing. They were supposed to talk now, but none of them seemed to want to begin. What to say, indeed? 

Eriol suddenly cleared his throat. He didn't like this at all, but he knew he was the one who would have to begin. Taking a deep breath, he began speaking.

"Well, as you have noticed, Sakura is…well, she's acting weirdly," he began slowly. "Now, while Syaoran was talking to her, I carefully watched. Physically she's fine, she looks exactly like the Sakura we now. Her magic hasn't changed either; her aura is the same as always. However, we all agree she acted nothing like her usual self," he continued, and then paused his voice soft and unsure. "Is that a fine summary of everything so far?"

Syaoran and Tomoyo quietly nodded.

"Now, the most important thing to note, is that she reacted very badly when you mentioned the…well, the incident," said Eriol, looking at Syaoran.

"She acted as if she had no idea what I was talking about. As if it hadn't actually happened," confirmed Syaoran, in an emotionless voice. His haunted eyes were staring at a fixed point he could only see. He was only half-listening to what Eriol said. Talking about this…the idea was almost absurd! Words were so mundane…

"Yes, but when she started raising her voice, I distinctly remember she said she didn't want to know…" was saying Eriol, giving them a meaningful look.

"Do you think she actually doesn't remember anything?" asked Tomoyo, her eyes wide open. Upon these words, Syaoran subtly flinched, but didn't say anything.

"Yes and no," replied Eriol thoughtfully. "I think she knows something really terrible happened to her, something so terrible she locked it away in her mind…And she has been lying to herself ever since, so skillfully she has actually convinced herself that everything is what it's supposed to be. Even being in this island alone and suddenly finding us is all very natural to her…"

"Like there is another, more normal reason why she ended up here?" asked Tomoyo, trying to follow Eriol's complicated explanations.

"More like she doesn't even care…" said Syaoran suddenly. The young couple looked at him.

"Think about it…did she ask us what we were doing in this island? Or why she herself is here in the first place? She obviously doesn't know the answers to those questions…but she doesn't even bother to find out…" he continued bitterly, disbelievingly.

Eriol lowered his head. Evidently he had reached the same conclusion. Tomoyo looked from one to the other, her eyes filling with desperate tears.

"But she wouldn't! Sakura-chan would never stop car-" she began stubbornly, but Syaoran interrupted her.

"Can't you tell, Tomoyo?" he said fiercely, but then softened his tone into a whisper. "She's not Sakura anymore…"

"What the hell do you mean? How can she not be Sakura?" demanded Tomoyo, loosing all calm in the act.

"There's something different about her…Something subtle, yet so evident…" replied Syaoran, his voice rickety. He too appeared to be on the edge of a nervous breakdown…the entire situation was just too much!

"But why? How can this be? What is it that happened to her?" cried Tomoyo helplessly. Eriol immediately put his arms around her, in a warm, protective embrace. He couldn't stand to see Tomoyo so upset.

"I'm afraid that is the worst part of the whole situation," he said softly. "We can't force her to tell us…somehow she'll have to unlock the memories and deal with them alone before turning to us…"

"What?! We can't leave her alone in this!" declared Syaoran angrily. He had sworn to himself he'd never let his Sakura suffer again, and he was determined to keep his promise. There just _had_ to be another way…

"We won't. Once she has unlocked that dark part of her mind, we'll be there to help her through it. But until she does, I'm afraid there's nothing we can do…" concluded Eriol worriedly.

Syaoran felt anger run through his veins. He felt like punching Eriol for that horrible habit of breaking bad news to them continuously…but he knew it wasn't Eriol he was mad at.

He was mad at himself…Mad for letting the whole situation happen in the first place. 

_This would have never happened if you weren't such an idiot_, he told himself bitterly. He felt like punching himself, but he knew it wouldn't help. Nothing would, according to Eriol. Once again there was nothing to do, but to blame himself. 

Oh, misery…why did he keeping walking down that road?

Sakura ran until she was out of breath and had to stop. There, panting, she sat down and cried. Her head was throbbing, and crying was making it worse, but somehow she couldn't stop. Her mind felt like a big mess, her thoughts were fuzzy and she kept hearing voices in her head.

Why was she suddenly so upset? Nothing had hurt her when she was alone…she didn't like this at all! No, no, not at all! Why had they come to disturb her peace? Why couldn't they just leave her alone?!

_Because they love you…! They are worried about…about… About what? Syaoran had mentioned something about an incident, but Sakura discovered she didn't want to think about it. In fact, fear had struck her upon those words… She desperately wanted to make it all stop, but she couldn't control her mind. Inside her, an internal fight was being held…part of her told her to remember something, but the other part didn't want to. _

_It's important! You need to know…spoke a voice, but it was weak and thin, and soon disappeared, along with her headache. It wasn't time to think about it, she decided. She would apologize to her friends for yelling at them, and it would all be ok. Perhaps, later, she'd think about all that…but not right now._

Just not right now.

Not long after their conversation, Syaoran, Tomoyo and Eriol saw Sakura approaching. They had all agreed it was best not to pursue the issue, at least not now that things were still so raw, so fresh…  
Sakura slowly walked up to them, a sorry look on her face. Tomoyo took that a good sign. At least yelling at them in such a way hadn't seemed _natural to her, she thought bitterly. She looked at her as Sakura struggled to get the words out. _

"Hey guys…I…I wanted to apologize for all the yelling and stuff…I didn't mean to…" she began softly, as if those words were particularly hard to say. 

"It's ok, Sakura-chan," replied Tomoyo, smiling at her. _Play along, she told herself. __Just play along. "We understand."_

Sakura smiled back at her, and Eriol and Syaoran nodded, silently agreeing with the dark haired girl.

"So…" said Eriol after a moment of silence. "Shall we get out of this island?" 

"Sure thing," replied Tomoyo, already wanting to be as far away from there as she possibly could. That island didn't hold very happy memories for her.   
"Yeah…" added Syaoran. Sakura nodded unenthusiastically. It struck Tomoyo how weird they looked together. Together? Each seemed lost in his or her own thoughts, as if they didn't even realize the other was finally within the reach of their hands. Hell, they were standing at least a foot apart from each other! Not alike anything she would have expected the final meeting to be. 

Eriol instructed them to hold hands, forming a circle, and he chanted a few words. The four of them closed their eyes, and felt the earth moving beneath them, but it was over in no time. 

Tomoyo opened her eyes. They were in an airport.

"Where are we, Eriol?" she asked.

"Hawaii's airport…it's the farthest I could get us. We'll have to take a plane home," he replied, and was about to go and buy the tickets, when he noticed Tomoyo had a strange look on her face.

"Is everything ok?" he asked, caressing her cheek. Tomoyo smiled uneasily.

"Yes…I'm just not really in the urge to go on a plane again…" she replied softly. Eriol slapped his forehead. They had almost crashed on their way to the island! How could he have forgotten? And Tomoyo had been attacked there too…how could he be so insensitive?  
The raven haired girl, reading his mind, quickly dismissed his thoughts. 

"Really, Eriol…It's quite silly, I'll be ok…plus, there's nothing you can do know, so just go ahead and buy our tickets," she said quickly, with a smile on her face. Eriol nodded, unconvinced, but walked away. Tomoyo then turned her look towards her friends. 

Sakura was watching the people around her, and Syaoran was doing nothing at all. The space between them gave Tomoyo a sad feeling. She could tell exactly what was going through Syaoran's head, and she knew how awful he was probably feeling right now. She wondered what Sakura might be thinking, though. Was Syaoran right? Was Sakura no longer Sakura-chan? 

Her eyes saddened and she held a hand to her heart, like she always did when she was painfully worried. She tried to catch Syaoran's eye, but, unconscious or purposefully, he was avoiding her look. Tomoyo's worry increased. With no communication between them, things were bound to get worse.

Just then, Eriol returned.

"We're in luck! There's a plane to Tomoeda boarding right now…but I couldn't get the four of us sitting together. So there'll be two of us in Business, and two in Tourist section," he explained. "If you don't mind, Tomoyo and I will get the better spot…" he added, winking at her and taking her hand.

"Sure…" said Sakura indifferently, shrugging her shoulders. Syaoran merely nodded. 

"Let's board the plane now, shall we?" Tomoyo pleaded, eager to get away from Sakura and Syaoran. She loved her friends very much, but being around them was frankly getting her depressed herself!


	15. Breakdown

**Author's Notes:** I know, I know! So regular updates! What has the world come to?  
Anyway, this chapter's better than the previous two…I can't really say why, but I liked it more.   
Note to everyone: I _know_ Sakura's WAY OOC, but really guys if you're putting half of your attention to the story you'll understand all I'm doing has its purpose! I know it's confusing for the moment, but as I've said before, it'll all come together in the end.

A special notice to **Stargirl-rebels:** I'm so sorry! I know how exasperating this fic can get, but just hold on a bit more! I can't really answer all your questions without giving the story away, but I think you'll find out soon enough. I know Sakura remembered at first and now she doesn't, but it isn't incoherence in my story…as I've already said, I've got big plans for all those details…Anyways, thanks for your support!  
  
And thank all of you people! Your reviews mean more than you could ever imagine!

"I'll say goodbye for the two of us: When the truth breaks the silence"

Part Fifteen: "Breakdown"

By cherry blossom

Tomoyo and Eriol were comfortably seated in the Business section of the plane, enjoying each other's company. The atmosphere was happy and relaxed, and Tomoyo couldn't keep the smile off her face.

"I had forgotten how beautiful you look when you smile," Eriol said suddenly, brushing a strand of dark hair out of Tomoyo's eyes.

"I almost thought I would get the chance to smile again…" she replied softly. Despite the newest Sakura issue, the raven haired beauty couldn't help but feeling an immense burden had been lifted from her heart. At last they had found Sakura…no matter what happened now, she knew they would be able to work it out together. 

Eriol, expertly interpreting her words, nodded in return.

"I know how you feel…like you can finally breathe again…" he said, his eyes still fixed on hers. Tomoyo's smile widened. He could read her so well…he knew her better than she knew herself.

"By the way, good one with the plane tickets," she said. Eriol gave her his most innocent look.

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"Well, a plane just happened to be boarding at the right time, we just happened to get two pairs of seats in different sections…" replied Tomoyo.

"Aren't we lucky!" said Eriol with a silly smile on his face.

Tomoyo raised an eyebrow. "Eriol…"

He gave in, laughing. "Well, I don't hear any complaints!" he said.

Yep, she could read him quite well too.

"Oh, right about that! I've been looking forward to spending some quality time with you…_alone…" she said in a low voice._

"Well, technically we're not alone. See, in an airplane full of pe-" he began, but abruptly interrupted himself when he felt her hand on his thigh. He stared at Tomoyo, but she gazed innocently at him in return. 

Suddenly, she got up and began walking down the aisle. After a few steps, she turned around to face the wide eyed man that still hadn't removed his sight from her. She winked at him, a suggestive smile on her face and motioned him to follow her.

One tiny movement of her index finger in his direction was enough to get Eriol on his feet. He clumsily got up and followed her steps. The only problem was that when he reached the end of the aisle she was nowhere to be seen. Suddenly, a door next to him opened and someone grabbed him by the arm, pulling him in what appeared to be…

A toilet.

Tomoyo closed the door behind him and locked it.

"Alone enough for you, Mr. Hiragiizawa?"

On another part of the plane, the situation between another young couple was not as heated. In fact, Sakura and Syaoran remained in cold, dead silence. She was seated next to the window, and hadn't removed her sight from the sky since they had taken off. He, on the other hand, kept glancing at her timidly, wanting to say something but not daring to.

Sakura could feel his look as if it was burning her back, but she couldn't find the strength to talk to him. Why couldn't he give her some space? 

_You've been alone too long…_

Sakura suddenly held her hand to her head, as she felt pain momentarily flash through it. What the hell was that? _Oh please! Not another headache, _she thought.

As if on cue, Syaoran immediately spoke. 

"Is something wrong Sakura? Does your head hurt?" he asked worriedly.

_Oh great! As if a migraine weren't enough, now I'll have to deal with him_, she thought tiredly. No sooner she had expressed that thought, her headache got worse.

"Sakura? Why aren't you answering me? Is someth-" 

"I'm fine" she replied quickly, trying to end the conversation._ She now held both hands to her head._

"Are you sure? I'm sure I can get you an aspirin or something!"  
"No, thanks," she said uninterestedly. God, she hated saying the same thing twice.

"Well…if you really don't want anything…" he said, unable to keep the sadness out of his voice.

"Please Syaoran, will you shut up for a while? I'm trying to rest a bit here!" she said, trying to be as calm as possible. But she was beginning to feel suffocated by his excessive attention. His worried attitude was driving her crazy!

Syaoran seemed a bit taken aback at her answer.

"I-I'm sorry…I'll be quiet," he said softly, his voice quavering. Sakura turned her gaze to him, and momentarily forgot about her headache when she took a good look at the Chinese boy.

Syaoran looked sick and somewhat diminished. His aura felt weak and his lower lip was trembling slightly. His eyes…oh his eyes reflected pain as Sakura had never seen before! He looked so helpless and miserable…and discouraged somehow…  
Sakura immediately felt a pang of remorse for treating him so indifferently. She knew he was acting like this only because he cared so much…She wanted to apologize, to tell him she cared, to hold him until the last trail of pain had vanished from his eyes…  
But, somehow, she found herself unable to do so. The headache she had forgotten about returned in that very moment, so intensified it almost brought tears to her eyes.

Almost.

She winced in pain and took another look at Syaoran. Theirs eyes met for a second, but then Syaoran turned his gaze away sadly and didn't speak for the rest of the flight.

Sakura closed her eyes and rested her head on the seat. Worrying about Syaoran was making everything worse, so she decided she would deal with it later.

_I'm sorry, Syaoran…_, she pleaded silently. _I can't think about this right now…all I have to do is let go and relax, and the headache will go away soon…_

Desperate, Sakura forced herself to forget about everything and simply concentrate on feeling better. She just wanted this horrible moment to be over.

So when she felt herself falling into the depths of unconsciousness, she welcomed the darkness with open arms.

Darkness that oddly resembled a feeling in her heart.

"We would like to inform all passengers we will be landing in Tomoeda, Japan in a few minutes. Please fasten your seat-belts and remain seated until the plane has stopped moving completely. Thank you," announced a pleasant, feminine voice. Syaoran sighed, relieved. He couldn't wait to get out of this plane.

Turning his look towards the sleeping girl beside him, he felt a tug in his heart. He knew Eriol had meant well by tricking them into sitting together, but he had spent most of the flight wishing he hadn't. When Sakura went missing, he felt like he had reached the maximum level of grief…but that was nothing compared towards what he had just gone through. Fastening his seat-belt, he replayed in his mind the scene that had taken place just a while ago.

Another defeat for him, that could sum it up. He was trying…damn it, he was trying so hard! He had purposefully not mentioned a word about the incident that was worrying him, but when Sakura suddenly winced he couldn't help but ask her if she was all right. An aspiring! Anything! Anything we can get you, miss! God, he felt like her servant, waiting on hand and foot! It was worthless, anyhow, because her voice clearly indicated she couldn't care less about his efforts. Now, he was prepared to swallow his pride, and accept her cold way around him because he knew it was all his fault anyway…but he wasn't prepared to the look she gave him…

Those eyes! That expression! God would have never created emerald orbs of such beauty if he had known they could shine with so immense hatred! Despise he saw in his beloved's eyes…she looked at him as if he were an annoying insect buzzing around her. An insect she was yearning to swat. The horrible truth came down onto Syaoran…  
_She can't stand being around me!_

Just as he was processing the thought, he thought he caught a glimpse of the Sakura he knew. Did he dare hope?

But when that glimpse faded, he knew he didn't. He felt like saying something…anything, anything at all! But as he continued to study her face, he realized it was worthless…Everything was worthless now.

As the plane landed, Syaoran made a decision. Sakura owned his heart. Whatever she decided to do with it was her call. And if she didn't want it, he'd make it easier for her. 

_Don't worry my love…I won't bother you again_, he silently told her.

He would give her what she needed…and if that didn't include his love…well, so be it.

Really.

As if summoned by magic (and Tomoyo was sure it was) a limo was waiting for them when they came out of the airport. The day was gray and rainy, and Tomoyo was relieved they wouldn't have to search for a taxi in such a weather. The four of them stepped inside the car, and Eriol gave the driver Sakura's address. Her house wasn't very far from the airport, but the short ride took place in the coldest of silences.

When they reached Sakura's house, she smiled at all of them and thanked them for the ride.

"See you around, I guess…" she said and walked to her house. Her step was quick and confident, and she didn't look back once. 

The gang continued to watch her front door even after she had closed it. For a whole minute, nobody spoke. Then Tomoyo, wanting to break the horrible silence, nudged Eriol.

"We should keep going," she whispered. Eriol nodded.

"Syaoran's place is next, right?" he said, and was about to give the driver the address, when Syaoran put a hand on his shoulder.

"Don't bother," he said softly. "I'd rather walk home." And he opened the door.

"But Syaoran," Tomoyo said as he got out and closed the door. "It's raining! You'll catch a cold!"  
Syaoran gave her a sad smile through the window. "I'll be fine," he stated, and started walking away. 

Tomoyo looked at Eriol sadly.

"I don't think he will."

Eriol and Tomoyo headed to her place. They entered the luxurious mansion, and went to the fireplace. Eriol magically lit it up, and they sat right in front of it. Eriol could feel the tension in their silence, and sighed.

"I wish we were back on that plane," he declared suddenly. Tomoyo couldn't help but give him a little smile.

"Oh, you'd wish all right…" she responded, and the more she thought about it, the funnier his comment seemed. She allowed herself a little laugh.

"See, my lady? You shouldn't stop smiling…" said Eriol. He loved it when she laughed…even if it was at his expense.

"Oh, Eriol…I can't help it," she replied, getting serious again. "You were in the limo with us…you know what I mean! I knew it was bad…but _this bad?"_

"Yes…The tension between them was almost unbearable…" he agreed. Tomoyo nodded sadly.

"I fear for her Eriol, I can't say I'm undisturbed by her behavior…But I fear for him even more…" she confessed, her voice filled with sorrow. Eriol put a comforting arm around her, pulling her close. She rested her head on his shoulder.

"Now, Tomoyo, Syaoran's a strong man. I'm sure he understands and will be able to cope with the situation…" Eriol said soothingly. Tomoyo pulled away a little, so as to face him directly. Fear dominated her eyes.  
"Eriol, you weren't here when she went missing…" she began, her voice barely above a whisper. "I swear he's not as strong as he seems…at least not when it comes to Sakura…"

"But she's here now, Tomoyo, and I'm sur-" he began, but was interrupted by the ring of a phone near them. He watched the girl he loved pick up the phone and answer.

"Moshi moshi," she spoke. "Yes…yes, of course you can! ...I am, but don't worry about it. Yes, I want you to come right now…Ok, bye." She hung up.

"That was Syaoran…he sounded really upset," she told him worriedly. Eriol for once didn't know what to say.

"So…he's coming now, right?" he asked, trying to keep up with the conversation.

Tomoyo nodded. "I think I'll go change clothes before he comes…I can still feel that drizzle upon me," she said, giving him a small smile. "There's some of your stuff upstairs…why don't you go and change too?"

Eriol nodded, and they took the stairs hand in hand. When they had reached the top, they headed on different directions. 

"We'll meet downstairs, ok?" he said. Tomoyo nodded.

"See you in a minute," she said, not wanting to let go his hand.

"Ok" he said, letting go unwillingly. "I'll be missing you!" he declared, gaining a true Tomoyo smile.

"Go change, silly…" she responded and headed towards her room.

Once she was in comfortable, dry clothes, Tomoyo headed downstairs. She was about to sit on the couch in front of the fireplace, noticing Eriol hadn't come down yet, when she heard a knock on the door. She frowned. Could it be Syaoran? If he was, he had gotten there way too fast. She shrugged, and went to open the door. But she wasn't prepared for what she saw.

If Syaoran had looked terrible before, it was nothing compared to his appearance now. He was completely soaked, probably due to walking in the rain, and out of breath. He had dark circles under his eyes, which had lost all of that shiny fire they usually had. Tomoyo shivered, wondering why she hadn't noticed he looked so terrible before. Guilt struck her. _Maybe I was too busy playing around with Eriol to notice he was like this…_

"Oh, god, come in!" she said quickly, closing the door behind him as he entered. She led him to the fireplace, shuddering involuntarily as she touched his hand. His skin was so cold! 

"How did you get here so fast?" she asked, since it was the first thing that came into her mind. 

"I ran…I ran really fast," replied Syaoran. His voice was thin and scratchy. Tomoyo noticed he was shivering. 

"You shouldn't do that in such a weather! You'll get really sick…can I get you some dry clothes or something? A cup of tea?" she asked both worried and angry at him for doing this to himself.

"N-no I'm fine…" stammered Syaoran. His lower lip was trembling slightly, and he was breathing heavily. Tomoyo looked him in the eye, a silent plea in her look. _Tell me…! But she could have never predicted what happened next._

As lighting suddenly lit up the sky, Syaoran broke down. He began crying desperately, unlike Tomoyo had ever seen him do before. He fell down on his knees, sobbing hysterically, covering his face with his hands.

"I can't take it anymore…! When she looks at me…I can't…!" he cried, murmuring incoherent words. Tomoyo immediately kneeled and held him in her arms. She could feel her own tears mixed with his. Syaoran cried bitterly into her shoulder, shaking all over, unable to stop. Tomoyo tried to soothe him, but soon she was crying pretty much like him. 

"Oh, Syaoran…" she cried. "I'm so sorry…so sorry…" Her voice got caught in her throat and she didn't say another word. Oblivious to everything but the man she was holding, she didn't notice Eriol was watching the entire scene from the stairs. 

Only when he had seen Syaoran cry like that, Eriol fully understood what Tomoyo had told him. He had never seen anyone, much less Syaoran, break down so completely…He knew how the Chinese man took pride in keeping his cool under all situations, and how he could shield himself completely to other people. Although love had softened him a bit, he was naturally reserved about his feelings. Even if smiling and laughing were not uncommon in him anymore, Eriol had never known of him to cry. But right now, he was doing it so intensely it didn't leave room for shame of any kind.

And if Syaoran had left his pride aside so utterly, things were much worse than Eriol could have ever imagined.

   
  



	16. Reminiscence

**Author's Notes:** Well, I think you'll all be happy to know I'm actually getting into this story again! In fact, if you don't give up on me, and read this chapter all the way through, you'll find a little something at the very end…a treat for being so nice to me, I might say…! So anyway, after a lot of twisting and turning the story is finally getting to it's purpose…though there probably _will_ be some twists in the future…you know how evil I can get…  
So, to end this ramble, this is for all of my lovely lovely reviewers…!  
Enjoy!

"I'll say goodbye for the two of us: When the truth breaks the silence"

Part Sixteen: "Reminiscence" 

By cherry blossom

Sakura laid spread on her bed, watching the raindrops trace little paths of crystalline water on her window. Apart from the sound of the storm outside, the house was immersed in the uttermost silence. Just the way she liked it.

For a moment, her thoughts lingered on the reason why this house was so quiet…

After her father's death, Touya had been so completely devastated he couldn't take living in Tomoeda anymore. Yukito and he had tried to persuade her to go along with them, somewhere else, somewhere far away…But Sakura had found herself unwilling, if not unable, to leave her home town. Her family was torn, and so was her heart. It was grief beyond anything she had experienced. 

So first her mother and father, then Touya and Yukito…everyone left, but she stayed behind. Seeking what, she didn't know. She had thought many times about putting an end to everything, but something always held her back. Maybe it was simply cowardice.

Sakura shook her head, dismissing these thoughts. She had been haunted by them for so long…but now, all it took was to command herself to stop thinking about it and it would happen. She smiled at inwardly, gloating on the fact she had so much self control now…

_Do you?_

The auburn haired girl frowned. Why did she keep hearing voices in her head? It was really starting to annoy the heck out of her. 

_Do you?_

That voice didn't seem keen on shutting up, and Sakura could feel the beginning of a nasty headache come around. Maybe it was best to answer instead of trying to ignore it. Feeling very stupid, she replied.

'_Of course I do! Everything is under control…' she thought dismissively, sure that the voice would no longer bother her. But she was proved wrong when it spoke again, more firmly than she had ever heard it._

_Yes, indeed. But not under *your* control…_it said, emphasizing the word 'your'. Sakura was about to reply angrily when something suddenly dawned her comprehension. Realization struck her hard, so hard in fact, that she couldn't tell what it was that she had just discovered. Her brain felt like a computer trying to process too much information, and failing miserably at it. Waves of intense, familiar pain blasted through her head, and she unwillingly sat up, breathing heavily. The throbbing didn't redeem.

Clumsily, almost blind with pain, she got up from bed trying to reach the bathroom were she would surely find some aspirin. She walked for what seemed to be an eternity, and when she finally got to where she was supposed to, she had to lean on the wall for support. The world around her was growing steadily darker, and she somehow knew, as she tore apart the cabin where she kept remedies, that aspirin wouldn't help. Collapsing on the cold floor of the bathroom, she uttered one last silent plea before darkness took over.

_Syaoran…_

***

Just when Eriol had gathered enough courage to break the tender and anguishing seen before him, Syaoran's head shot up from Tomoyo's shoulder and he gasped. Tomoyo looked at him with blurry eyes.

"Syaoran?" she asked miserably, as though convinced he would only say something even worse. But Syaoran, his eyes wide in horror and breathing heavily, took no notice of her question as he got up. Eriol was about to interrogate him himself, but Syaoran was quicker.

"It's her," he whispered, terrified. "I-I need to get to her right away!"

"Now Syaoran, considering the situation, I hardly think it's wise to-" Eriol began in an attempt of a calm, soothing voice. He thought it sounded pretty good, considering how shaken he still was about the scene he'd just witnessed. But despite his efforts, Syaoran seemed only more upset.

"You don't understand!" he gasped, and Eriol could appreciate his eyes were watery and unstable. Syaoran was about to say something else, but apparently decided not to waste time talking and he sped off as fast as his legs could carry him. Eriol watched him, paralyzed, as the Chinese man ran into the storm outside, leaving the door wide open. 

A whole minute of silence passed until Tomoyo finally spoke again.

"What has just happened?" she asked, her voice shaky and weak. Eriol noticed she was trembling from head to foot, and bent down to pick her up as the door closed itself shut. Tomoyo offered no resistance, and merely allowed him to take her wherever he wanted. Once he had let her down on the couch, still holding her in his arms, she looked at him repeating the question with silent fear.

Eriol's eyes wavered for just one second before truthfully answering.

"I have no idea."

***

Syaoran ran like mad through the streets leading to Sakura's house. His head ached terribly, his lungs were on fire and it was taking a considerable effort just to breath. But he couldn't stop. No, not now that he had heard her plea for him.

The way to Sakura's had never seemed as long as then, when horrible images of disaster flashed through his mind continuously. What had he been thinking of? Why didn't he stay with her?

_Because she didn't want you to!_

Syaoran physically flinched at this thought, but continued his race nonetheless. As he turned around the corner, Sakura's house finally came into view. Drenched and shivering with cold and exhaustion, he dragged himself to the door and knocked.

No response.

He knocked again, louder this time. Part of him was telling him how stupid it was to waste time with that gesture. But another part of him, that part that had shuddered with fear at Sakura back on the island, was quietly telling him that she wouldn't like her privacy to be violated like that. 

He knocked one last time, and there was still no answer. That settled the matter in his opinion. Hesitating briefly, though, he pushed the door open.

Once he was inside, and had closed the door behind him, he froze in his steps. As much as he wanted to rush and find Sakura right away, he couldn't fight the terrifying paralysis that had just struck him. 

This was the first time he'd ever been to her home since…well, since she had gone missing. But even though it was exactly as he remembered it, it totally different too. Syaoran knew his thoughts were incoherent, but he couldn't help but feel they were accurate. 

This place…it was just like her. So as ever, yet so as never. Almost as if it were an image on a mirror…It looked real, but it wasn't.

As Syaoran recovered from his momentary stillness, that thought remained burning in the back of his head. Taking the steps two at a time, he was upstairs in a few seconds. He hesitated for the second time before he started walking through the dark hallway. He could feel his own heart beating furiously, threatening to burst out from his chest. And then he spotted it. 

A hand peering out from the bathroom floor. His heart skipped a beat.

Blind fear rushed through him as he hurried forwards. In fact, he was so terrified it took him a whole minute to notice that even if his Cherry Blossom lay in the utmost stillness, her chest was still rising up and down regularly. Wasting no further time, he picked her up and led her towards her bedroom. Just when he had softly deposited her in her bed, she stirred. Syaoran, almost moved by scary reflex, backed away immediately and kneeled beside her bed.

Sakura blinked sleepily and, noticing Syaoran, she frowned. "Syaoran? What are you doing here?" she asked softly.

"I-I heard you call for me and came," he replied truthfully, fighting the urge to jump onto her and give her a hug.

"I called you?" she repeated, raising and eyebrow. Syaoran could feel another row coming up, and tried his best not to irritate her.

"I felt you do so, and when I got here you were lying in the bathroom floor, unconscious," he explained, attempting a neutral tone.

"Was I really…?" she asked vaguely, but he felt the question was directed to herself rather than to him. A few moments passed in silence, as Sakura watched the water pouring outside.

"Are you ok?" the chestnut haired boy asked in a small voice, and she frowned.

"Do I not look ok to you?" she asked calmly, but Syaoran could tell it was a fake tone. 

"W-well, considering you were just out cold on the floor for no apparent reason I-" he began timidly, but didn't get a chance to finish the sentence.

"How do you no there's no reason?" she interrupted.

"Well, I assumed-"

"See? That is your problem! You assume everything!" said Sakura hotly, pointing an accusing finger at him. "Me, our relationship…Stop acting like you know and understand everything!"

"But Sakura-"

"But nothing! I will not tolerate that attitude!"

"I don't have an attitude, I'm just worried ab-" he insisted, feeling dangerously on the verge of tears again.

"Don't give me that line! You're just telling yourself that so as not to feel guilty about…" she held her hands to her head. "Ab-bout…!"

Syaoran's eyes widened. Despite the agony her words brought upon him, he felt that this was the moment he had been waiting for. Would she say _it? _

But after a brief moment of weakness, Sakura regained her cold, angry voice.

"I don't want to see you ever again!" she spat out furiously. "Get out!"

This time, Syaoran didn't argue. He had suddenly been reminded about the mirror images again. And surely, when he looked into her eyes, what he saw was a distortioned reflection of what they had once shown. His eyes blurred with sadness and tears, and he nodded numbly.

"I'm sorry, Sakura…" he whispered. And without even thinking, or knowing why he had, he added what he thought she should know.

"My heart is yours forever."

Everything said, he left without looking back once.

Perhaps, if he had given her one last look, he would have seen a glimpse of the real Sakura flash through her evergreen eyes, which, dawned about something he just said, finally began to recall those events she had chose to forget.   

***

Sakura had never felt so amazingly free in her whole life. There she was, alone, soaring through the sky. The air was warm but breezy, like a fine summer evening. Stars in their millions twinkled and sparkled all around her. Every worry or problem had been gently wiped out of her head, leaving nothing but vague, untraceable happiness…

But then something changed. 

Sakura wasn't very sure of what it could be, but she thought she heard something. She tried to focus only on listening, and after a minute she had still not heard anything. She was just about to dismiss these straining thoughts, when she it caught her attention again. Yes, this was definitely not her imagination. In fact, it sounded like a whimper…

She began turning around in circles, trying to decipher where it came from. A third cry indicated the way, and she began floating towards the source of the sound. As she got nearer the sound intensified, and in no time she found what appeared to be a hole in the sky, big and filled with light. She approached it with mistrust, and took a peek inside. Her eyes widened.

She was staring at her own self!  
Sakura seemed to looking through a gap in the ceiling of her bedroom. Her other self was crying desperately on her bed, holding onto something she couldn't see very well.

She frowned. What the hell was happening? Why was she – well, this woman! – crying like that? Was she perhaps looking at herself in a moment in the past? Or could it be in the future? Must be the latter, since she couldn't remember ever doing what she saw her double do.

After a short while, the emerald eyed girl on the bed seemed to calm down a bit. Even though tears still ran freely through her cheeks, she had stopped sobbing. Hugging something close to her chest with one hand, she wiped her tears with the other. Looking to where Sakura knew was a mirror, she sighed deeply, and then spoke in an attempt of a firm voice.

"Get a grip," she said out loud sternly, though her voice was scratchy. "You'll do what you must, and there's no way getting around it."

Sakura's frown deepened. Her other self seemed so heartbroken! She never wanted to feel that way, and prayed that scene wasn't portraying her future. She was about to back away from that weird thing, when the girl moved again. With another deep sigh, her double got up from bed and placed something lovingly over her pillow. Sakura was really curious about what it could be, since the girl kept blocking her view.

"I'm sorry…" the other Sakura whispered sadly, and – without turning back once – left the room. Sakura's eyes followed her figure until she had closed the door, and then returned to the bed, eager to see what was lying in it.

She gasped.

There, on the fine pink bedspread, lay the teddy bear Syaoran had given her when they were eleven. 

Realization dawned her again and her head blazed with pain, but she did not faint immediately this time. As a million images flashed through her mind, Sakura felt the air get knocked out of her chest. 

The dream.

The dress.

The farewell.

The imprisonment.

The Special Place.

The island.

Millions and millions of moments she remembered. The loneliness, the sadness…it all came back to her, shortening her breath, tainting her soul, hurting her heart… And now…

And now Syaoran, she thought shrilly. How she pushed him aside…oh, all those horrible things she said and thought! Tears prickled at the corners of her horrified eyes and she vaguely wondered why air wasn't getting to her lungs.

Light headed and weak, Sakura felt herself falling and falling, but before surrendering to the cold darkness, she uttered one last, terrified thought.

_What have I done?_


	17. Torment

**Author's Notes: **So how did you like last chapter? Yeah, I'm awfully glad Sakura remembered too…! I know the scene might be a bit confusing (more like a lot, ne Andre?), but it _will_ be explained in future chapters. I know, I know! I keep saying that, but it's just that my story isn't really about the events…it's more about what to disclose each chapter. Bottom line, all of your questions will be answered soon.

Anyway, this chapter is a short one just because I felt I should stop there. For those of you who thought the plot was completely laid out by now…well, guess what? It still thickens a bit more…So another twist for this chapter ;)  
  


Lastly, I just wanted to thank all of my reviewers! You guys are the best! Your praise makes me blush, really! I love you all!  
  
Enough of me blabbering! On to the story now…R&R!

"I'll say goodbye for the two of us: When the truth breaks the silence"  
Part Seventeen: "Torment"

By cherry blossom

The rain continued pouring all afternoon, and was still at it as Syaoran watched the last hidden rays of sunlight disappear. Thunder and lightning struck the sky, and water splashed down his already drenched figure, but the Chinese man took no notice of it. In fact, he was oblivious to everything around him. He could only think about her, her, her…  
Horrible scenes kept playing and replaying in Syaoran's mind, an on-going torture that didn't seem to have an end. He had absolutely no control over his thoughts or actions, his whole mind and body were being controlled by this frightening force that was making him remember every horrible thing that had happened with his beloved. He couldn't think, move, and it was taking a lot more than just a considerable effort to keep drawing in breaths.

Not that it mattered.

In fact, nothing mattered anymore. He lived and breathed for Sakura's love, and without it he was – and would ever be – nothing. And if he thought he had lost all hope before, it was nothing compared to this…

This time, there was a very final thing about the situation. No matter how much he wanted to, he couldn't make Sakura love him, and it was clear that she would never care for him again. Syaoran felt as if he had been falling down a dark, cold hole and, with the last events, had finally reached the bottom drastically. And Tomoyo could come and try to convince him otherwise, but this time she wouldn't succeed. 

_It's a lie_, he thought with frightening realization. _It's been a lie all along, and I can't continue lying to myself anymore. Not even for Tomoyo, he couldn't.   
And now everything had been said. He'd given his farewell and it was over, over…_

Syaoran began rocking backwards and forwards slightly, unconsciously. Tears were no longer falling down his cheeks, and his teeth were no longer chattering. His arms and legs felt like lead and he wasn't trembling convulsively with cold anymore.

And as his world grew steadily darker, Syaoran didn't struggle to keep his eyes open. His soul was finally being released from the burden he had carried for so long, and he welcomed numbness with open arms. He would at last rest in peace…

There, in the darkness of the storm, Syaoran finally gave up the fight.

***

Tomoyo bit her lip nervously. What the hell was he playing at?   
She was seated next to Eriol, who was driving her car, and had been wandering all around the city for the last three hours.   
And yet not a glimpse of him.

Of course, they were lucky enough to be searching for him during the worst storm Tomoeda had ever witnessed. Even if Eriol had conjured the windows of her car to magically repel water, she still couldn't see a thing. Thus, they were forced to go really slowly, thus this was taking too long! And where the hell was he, anyway?

They had searched for him everywhere they could think of. The first place they had gone to was Sakura's place, but Eriol hadn't dared knock. Tomoyo wasn't sure why, but she didn't feel like facing her friend either, so she didn't object. Either way, it would be pretty useless, because even though Eriol sensed he had been to her house, it was clear to him that he had left quite a while ago. So they hoped back on the car and continued their quest.

And were still at it.

"Can't you do some magic to find him or something?" asked Tomoyo irritably.

"No, darling, I've tried but he's blocking his aura," Eriol replied as calmly as he could through clenched teeth. As much as he adored Tomoyo, she was getting on his nerves by questioning him every five seconds.

"The idiot! Why would he do that?" she demanded to know. Eriol frowned.

"May I remind you, Tomoyo, that I don't know anymore about this than you do?" he said tiredly. Big mistake.

"Well, excuse me for asking!" she retorted.

"I wouldn't mind if you hadn't asked that about 5 times in the last minute. Do you even listen to what I say?" he began angrily. He'd had just about enough.

"Unlike you, I'm dead worried about Syaoran! I knew we should have followed him the instant he left, but _of course_ you _had to think otherwise…!"_

"What?! Are you blaming this on me?"

"Well, we wouldn't be on this wild-goose chase if you hadn't stopped me then! Who knows what kind of insanity Syaoran could be doing to himself right n-"

"Stop treating him like a baby! He can take care of hi-"

"I can't believe what I'm hearing…"

"That makes two of us!"

They both quieted down for a while, silently agreeing on a truce. After a minute, Tomoyo covered her face with her hands, to hide the tears in her eyes. 

"I'm sorry…I just don't know what to do anymore…" she cried softly. Instantly, Eriol forgot all his momentary anger. He parked the car in the first spot he could find, and pulled Tomoyo towards him. She clinged onto him, crying softly into his chest, as he ran his hands up and down her back, trying to comfort her. 

"Shh…it'll be all right…just calm down…" he said soothingly.

"It's just t-that things are so difficult now…" she cried bitterly. After taking several deep breaths she finally seemed to calm down a bit.

"I just wish we could be kids again," she whispered sadly as Eriol kissed her softly on her forehead. "Everything was so much easier back then…our problems were minor, our world wasn't bigger than Penguin Park-" she stopped abruptly, her eyes widening. She gasped and turned to Eriol, unable to articulate a single word.

"What?" he asked. "What is it?"

"Penguin Park!" she finally managed to say, in a high, shrilly voice. "What an idiot! I can't believe I didn't think of it before!" she said, slapping her forehead. "Quick, start the car!"

Eriol obeyed without further question, wondering indeed why they hadn't thought of it before. The simplicity of the idea was almost too much!

"Yes…I'm positive he's there," continued Tomoyo, but she appeared to be talking to herself rather than to him. Eriol nodded quietly, just in case she needed support and began racing through the streets towards the park.

***

It took them about 15 minutes to reach their destination. Tomoyo jumped out of the car the very second Eriol had finished parking. She was having a horrible feeling again, and time was always precious. She began running towards the center of the park, where the big Penguin Slide stood proudly, witness of many of their cardcaptoring adventures. Eriol raced alongside, throwing worried little glances at her every now and then. Tomoyo knew she was behaving like a maniac, but the feeling of desperation had caught upon her once again, and she knew she had to get to Syaoran _right away!_

After a couple of minutes, the slide finally came into view. She gave Eriol a look and they rushed towards it. Her sight was poor since the relentless rain kept pouring, so she decided to get to the top of the slide to have a better view of that whole section of the park. She motioned Eriol to stay on ground level, and began climbing with difficulty, deaf to Eriol's objections. 

Once she had reached the top, she stood up clumsily, vulnerable to the effects of the wind that threatened to knock her off the slide. Damn, she still couldn't see a thing!

Just then, a blinding flash lit up the area. And then she saw him.

Crumpled in the floor, eyes shut and completely still, lay Syaoran. She was able to stare at him for only a second before the lightning ceded and everything went dark again. But one second was all it took…

Terrified, Tomoyo took a step back, slipped and lost balance, falling down from the tall slide…

Fortunately, Eriol managed to catch her just in time. He seized her roughly and pulled her to her feet.

"Damn it, Tomoyo! Are you all right?" he yelled angrily. She could have killed herself for doing that stupidity! Thank god he'd had the sense to expect something like it, and stayed on the ground. If she left him…Eriol shuddered at the thought.

Tomoyo, on the other hand, didn't seem taken aback by _that _fact at all. In fact, she was trembling from head to foot, her open and terrified, murmuring the same words over and over. 

"The swings, the swings, the swings…" she didn't seem capable of saying anything else. Eriol took her arm and lead her towards the swings. When he reached them, he caught sight of a body lying beside them. Fearing the worst, he left Tomoyo where she was standing and slowly approached. He turned the body around…

And the serene face of Syaoran stared back at him. He was completely still and didn't make the slightest movement when Eriol shook him roughly to wake him up. He laid the man down again and tried to listen to his heart, but – either because of the noise of the storm, or because there was nothing to hear at all – he couldn't make out any kind of heartbeat coming from Syaoran. He feared it would be the latter explanation.

Just then, he felt Tomoyo rush towards him like a whirlwind.

"Syaoran!" she cried. "What's wrong with him?"

"I don't know…" replied Eriol softly. He decided it was best not to give her any bad news until he was sure of them. 

"Check for a heartbeat!" demanded Tomoyo, but Eriol shook his head.

"It's no good, I can't hear a thing with all this noise!" he replied loudly, since the noise was getting louder all the time.

Tomoyo's tears began falling down her cheeks again as she hugged Syaoran's body tightly.

"Please, Syaoran-kun, be OK…!" she cried bitterly. She knew this was hardly the time or place to get hysterical, but she couldn't help it. Syaoran didn't seem to be breathing at all! She didn't know what she'd been expecting, but this was definitely not it!

"Oh, god, please don't let him die!" she begged staring at the raging sky. "If you save him I'll never ask for anything else again…" Her voice got caught in her throat and she spoke no more. A whole minute of this crushing scene passed until Eriol suddenly gasped as he noticed something.

"Tomoyo!" he cried. "Let go him! I think he's moving!"

"W-what?" she asked feebly. Eriol pulled her away from him, and listened to his heart once again. Relief washed upon him as he heard a weak beating.

"He's alive," he declared, still frowning. "But barely. We need to take him to a hospital right away!"

Tomoyo nodded and between the two of them, they managed to get Syaoran back to her car. Without talking they got on their way to the nearest hospital. Eriol drove, while Tomoyo was on the back seat with Syaoran. She held him in his arms, trying to envelop him in her own heat, but was failing miserably at it since her own body was almost as cold as his. Rocking backwards and forwards with him, she whispered soothing words into his ear.

"You'll be all right, Syaoran-kun. I promise you this, really…Eriol-kun is taking us to hospital as fast as he can and doctors will be able to help you, you know? Really, everything's going to be just fine, you'll see…" she murmured softly and repeatedly throughout the trip. It seemed very important that Syaoran knew they were with him. 

Sighing, she pleaded to every God she knew the thought she didn't dare voice out loud.

_Please, don't let it be too late…_


	18. Outcome

**Author's Notes:** Hello minna-san! Firstly, I wanted to apologize for the delay of this chapter. I know, I know… I always seem to be doing that…but I have a good excuse this time! You see, I went on a skiing trip the whole of last week, and didn't have a single minute to write or post anything.

Anyhow, this chapter is a bit longer than the last one, and I trust you'll like it…I don't want to give it away, but something you've been hoping finally happens…err, with a twist…*grins sheepishly* 

One last thing: I know the whole Sakura scene in chapter 16 is a bit confusing, but _I swear it'll be explained later. Just bear with me people! You'll see how it all comes together in the end… (I'm wondering when _that_ will be too…)_

**Special Note About This Chapter: **Any "ER" fans out there? Well, you might recognize someone from that show…Well, I really can't explain what the hell he's doing in Tomoeda, but I really _really wanted to include him…I just adore him! So think whatever you need to think, but he's there and no one will make him budge…_

**Disclaimer:** You won't make me say it!

"I'll Say Goodbye for the Two of Us: When the Truth Breaks the Silence"

Part Eighteen: "Outcome"

By cherry blossom

"Dr. Carter, please report to Trauma 1. Dr Knight, your presence is requested in Suture Room…" Tomoyo listened to the cool, female voice speak unimportant announcements over the speaker. God, she wished she would shut up! Her nerves were completely wrecked, and something about the continuous announcements was getting to her. 

They had been sitting in the waiting room, wrapped in towels a nurse had gently offered them, for at least an hour. Tomoyo had always considered herself to be a calm, patient person…But guess what? She was _not_ patient, she was_ not_ calm, and she didn't appreciate being held back with no news about Syaoran at all!

As if on cue, she felt a warm pressure on her shoulder. She stopped rubbing her temple exaggeratedly, and sunk into Eriol's arms instead. 

"I feel like I'm losing it…" she confided in a whisper, and rested her head on his shoulder. Eriol caressed her hair soothingly.

"You've gone through a lot…It's only normal you feel stressed," he assured softly. Tomoyo frowned.

"You've been going through a lot too…how come you're able to stay so calm?" she inquired tiredly. It was Eriol's turn to frown now.

"Hmm…well, I guess one of us has to stay calm right?" he offered lamely. Tomoyo sighed. This was something she wanted to discuss further, but this was most definitely _not the time or place._

"Forget it…" she whispered back, and fell silent. Eriol sighed in relief. He definitely didn't feel like starting a row right now.

Then, a tall, young man wearing a white lab coat approached them. The couple looked up at him.

"You're the ones who brought Mr. Li in, right?" he asked gently. Tomoyo liked him instantly. He was quite handsome, with light brown hair and chocolate brown eyes, and something about his voice put her at ease immediately.

"Are you the doctor who saw him when we arrived?" Eriol asked instantly. The man nodded.

"I'm Dr. Carter. I'll be his doctor for the time being," he began slowly, and Tomoyo breathed in relief. If this man was currently in charge of Syaoran, it meant that he was alive at the very least.

"Mr. Li has been exposed to cold, harsh temperatures for quite a long time, causing him hypothermia," he continued gravely, and then paused. "We've been treating him with the adequate equipment and medicine, but we seem to be making a rather…err, peculiar improvement."

Eriol raised an eyebrow quizzically. "What do you mean with 'peculiar improvement'?"

"Well, we've managed to normalize his heartbeat, and all his blood and scan tests are standard too. He's breathing on his own as well, but…" Carter bit his lip thoughtfully, as if he still were analyzing the diagnosis.

"But what?" Tomoyo questioned dreadfully, a closed hand over her heart, in that gesture that was very typical of her.  
Carter frowned. "But we can't seem to get his body temperature any higher than it was when he arrived. Hypothermia is normally accompanied by other symptoms, like a slower heartbeat or difficulty to breathe…but not with him," he paused, and allowed himself a disbelieving look. "Believe me, I've seen weird cases before, but this is ridiculous! He seems in perfect health…apart from the fact that he's as cold as ice…" he let his voice trail off, and patiently waited for the couple to take in the information that he'd just laid out. 

Tomoyo and Eriol exchanged quick, dreadful glances and looked back at Carter.

"May we see him?" she asked softly.

"Of course," he replied, and led them to a room at the end of the hall.

"We'll move him to a private room soon. Meanwhile, we're still doing out best to try and raise his body temperature here, in the ER. It would also help to know who his regular doctor is, so that we could get his full medical history. Do you know who that might be?" Carter asked hopefully.  
Tomoyo's brow furrowed in thought. "I really don't know…He hasn't been sick once in all the time I've known him…"

"What about a family doctor then?" offered Carter.

"His family lives in China…I don't really know much about them…" said Tomoyo truthfully. Carter let out a barely audible sigh.

"Well, we'll keep trying," he said finally. "You may go and see him now." 

***

The first thing Tomoyo noticed when she entered the room was the coldness. Not the temperature of the room, of course, but there was something that was making her feel cold inside. She released Eriol's hand – which she had been clutching fiercely – and quietly approached Syaoran's bed, taking a seat beside him.

The brown haired man appeared to be in deep sleep. He was breathing regularly, and his face remained expressionless. Strange machines and cables were hooked up to him, emitting low, regular beeping noises, and he was wrapped in thermal blankets. There was nothing about him that indicated what could have happened, or how to help him. Tomoyo squeezed her eyes shut and clamped a hand over her mouth to stifle a cry. Was it too late this time?

Eriol, on the other hand, was not mourning about the situation, but scanning his brain furiously for something – anything – that would help him understand what was going on. For Syaoran's state was definitely not a medical issue… No, it had something to do with all the odd things that had been going on. Yes, it was a magic issue… But what was it? Eriol couldn't recall either seeing or knowing about something like this…and he had a vast knowledge on the subject indeed! So if he couldn't figure out what was going on…then who could? Cerberus? No, he was visiting Yue (or Yukito) at the time… And even if he was here, Eriol didn't think he'd know about this anyway… He rubbed his temple tiredly, and, sighing, approached the bed.

"Tomoyo?" he said softly. She was absent-mindedly caressing Syaoran's hair, and didn't turn around when she heard him call, so he couldn't see his face.

"He's as cold as ice…" she whispered, anguished. "What's wrong with him?" But, for once, she didn't appear to be expecting an answer from him. Eriol felt his heart being squeezed. This was destroying all of them…  
He placed a hand over Syaoran's forehead. True to Tomoyo's word, Syaoran's skin was freezing. Trying not to shudder, he concentrated on getting something from his aura…but he felt nothing. Nothing good, nothing bad, nothing at all. In fact, Syaoran seemed to be somehow suspended in life and time…He was stuck somewhere between life and death, between day and night, light and dark, dreams and reality…And he didn't seem able to moving either way… Shuddering, Eriol came to the frightening realization that Syaoran wasn't going to wake up…

Not unless they found the way to help him.

***

Days passed, and there was no visible change in Syaoran. A faint murmur sometimes, particularly at night, but he never opened his eyes. Tomoyo – desperate for medical answers to her questions – asked Carter if Syaoran had actually fallen into a coma, but the doctor dismissed the option immediately.

"You see," he explained patiently, showing her some test results. "People in a coma show different brainwaves from people who are plainly asleep. Li's brainwaves are completely normal… In other cases I would find that as good, but in this one I wish I _would_ find something abnormal to tell us what's happening…"

Tomoyo sighed tiredly and lowered her eyes then. Carter gave her a reassuring squeeze on her shoulder. It seemed to her he was almost as anxious to help Syaoran as them. She offered him a sad smile in return, and he continued with his activities.  
So day after day she had been sitting next to Syaoran's bed, talking to him soothingly at times, and crying at others, but encouraging him to wake up continuously. Eriol would never leave her side – though he hadn't tried to talk to Syaoran once – and would help her stay together when she thought she couldn't take it anymore. Tomoyo didn't know it, but he was suffering a lot himself for not being able to do anything…and calming her fears was the closest thing to helpful he could be. In fact, he was tormenting himself on the third afternoon when something suddenly changed

He didn't know how much time passed while he was pondering on these thoughts, but just then Carter walked in the room. He took a quick look at the numbers in the machines around Syaoran, and cleared his throat. The couple looked at him miserably.

"As you can see, there's not much we can do for him at the moment. I've been trying to locate his family, but their number is not on the guide and we haven't been able to track them down in any other way. Are you sure you don't know how to find them?" he asked. Eriol shook his head tiredly. He was sure _he'd be able to track them down, but right now he felt like he shouldn't leave Tomoeda. Carter looked quite disappointed and worried, and Eriol thought he should add something just for the sake of the doctor's peace of mind._

"He's never been close to his family anyway…And I'm sure his medical history is pretty boring. He's always been very healthy," he said quietly, hoping Carter wouldn't inquire him further.

"I see…I guess I was hoping I'd be able to find some answers there…" the doctor said softly, and lowered his head. Eriol was genuinely touched. The man seemed so devoted to his patient…

"Well, I guess I'll leave you alone," Carter said after a moment of silence. Tomoyo offered him a weak smile, and Eriol knew she'd felt as moved as himself. Carter bit his lip, as if unsure about adding something, and then spoke one last time.

"There's one last thing I want you to know. Despite our efforts, and yours," he looked warmly at Tomoyo. "There has been no recovery so far. The only one who's not trying to help is Li himself. I'll tell you this, he _needs to want to make it… I think it's more up to him than us…" he resolved finally and, after a weak smile, exited the room. Tomoyo instantly covered her face with her hands, as if hoping that gesture would erase the horrible situation before her. As much as Eriol longed to do the same, Carter had left him thinking… _He needs to want to make it…_ Something was prickling at Eriol's mind…but what could it be? Oh, God, he could feel the answer was right before his eyes, but somehow he was being too blind to see it! That kind of thing really drove him crazy, just like when they were back on that horrible island – _

Eriol gasped. There it was, a second pang of realization hit him! What he was trying to remember had something to do with the island…particularly with something that had happened to him…but what relation was there? 

Suddenly, he brought his hand to his pocket, as if moved by a reflex. He dug inside and found only a small piece of paper, neatly folded in two. The prying sensation in his mind intensified as he recognized the parchment he'd last read in Earlington. 

_"The real magic is in the heart"_

Then it struck him, so obviously, so suddenly he couldn't believe he hadn't thought of it before.

Of course! Magic…he had known all along it had something to do with it, but he'd been pondering on the wrong kind of it! Magic of the heart…quite foolish of him to have overlooked it. After all, it had proved to be the essence of everything else before… 

Who was the only person that could truly touch Syaoran's heart and make him want to come back? Well, that was easy…but given the current situation, he doubted Sakura would be willing to help. Eriol frowned, and his momentary excitement drowned out. 

How would Sakura be able to help Syaoran through the darkness when she couldn't get past it herself?

***

Sakura woke up gasping. She sat up and hit her head with the corner of her night table. Wait, night table? That meant she had been sleeping on the floor…but why would she be sleeping on the floor? Rubbing the place where the sharp corner had made contact with her skin, she got up a bit more gracefully this time.  

The emerald eyed girl looked out the window. She could see the last rays of sunlight slowly disappearing, tinting the sky of a golden red. Ah, the beauty and peace of it…it was funny how she knew for certain she loved sunsets, yet she couldn't remember ever watching one before…  
When the sun had finally vanished from view, and timid stars began to sparkle, was when she returned her thoughts towards the fact she had awoken on the hard floor of her bedroom. 

_Ok, lets do an analysis of the situation_, she thought. A collection of simple deductions would probably solve this little mystery. She had awoken on the floor, which meant she had been sleeping on it for a while at least. Now why would she be sleeping on the floor? The most sensible answer was that she'd fallen from her bed. But Sakura was a very peaceful sleeper, she hardly ever tossed or turned. That would mean that either she'd had a terrible nightmare, or…or she had never slept in her bed at all. Sakura frowned, pondering on these thoughts. Either way, there was something wrong about the whole situation…

Suddenly, her attention was caught by something brown peering out of her drawer. She was quite messy with her stuff, so she didn't exactly know why that was calling her in such a way but she found herself unable to ignore it…Subtly she approached the drawer, and pulled the brown thing out, which revealed to be…

Sakura's eyes widened and her breath caught in her throat.   
She was holding the teddy bear Syaoran had given her just before he left Tomoeda when they were kids. And she remembered, she remembered everything.

It took her a few minutes to get the information to sink in, but, once it had, a million thoughts began running trough her head like crazy. By taking a series of deep breaths, she managed to calm down a bit and form semi coherent sentences in her mind.

_I guess I must have blacked out after I realized the truth_, she thought and anguish caught on her once again. _So much for my dream theory…It was reality, actually, what had pushed her off her bed…_

Biting her lip, she let her eyes wander over the window as she took in everything. Then another thing unsettled her. Just before she blacked out – she now remembered everything vividly – it was raining heavily. Now, however, there wasn't a single cloud on the sky. That was not reasonable at all, and when she looked through the window she saw that the street and trees were completely dry. That meant that a _lot _of time had passed since she had fainted…but how long?  
Immediately she ran down the stairs and turned on the TV on the kitchen. She knew the weather channel gave it's predictions for the day and the two following. Now she was pretty sure the last day she remembered had been a Tuesday…  
When she finally found the channel, a weather person was speaking of the importance of being prepared in case an unexpected storm flooded your town.

_"Most people never realize it could happen to them…"_ the nice looking woman on TV was saying, and Sakura played with the remote impatiently.

"Hurry up!" she muttered and chewed on her lip nervously.

_"…of course, some cases might be lucky, like Tomoeda city, which was hit by a severe storm last Tuesday but didn't have major consequences…"_

Sakura smiled triumphantly. So it had been Tuesday…and by the woman referring to the day as 'last Tuesday' she knew it had been less than a week from the incident. She scratched her chin thoughtfully. Should she keep on listening and hope for the woman to make reference to which day it was, or should she try to find out another way? She was debating on these thoughts, when the weather girl's voice caught her attention again.

_"…which could be easily flooded, but as I said before, they were quite lucky. However, some people were caught off guard by the strength of the storm, and there have been quite a lot of car accidents. Also, we've heard from a confidential source, that a man stayed outdoors during the whole storm, and now presents a grave case of hypothermia…"_

Sakura frowned. This was beginning to seem a gossip show, rather than a weather one! She was about to turn off the TV and find another way to know the date, when the woman managed to interest her once again.

_"…the man is Chinese apparently, and quite young. We all do wonder what made him stay outside during the raging storm. Luckily he was found by a young couple in __Penguin__Park__. What those two were doing there remains a mys-"_

Sakura gasped. Chinese, young, Penguin Park…it was Syaoran! She just _knew it was him! And found by a couple…that'd be Tomoyo and Eriol, who obviously knew where to find him. But why would he-?_

Sakura's eyes widened in horror. The storm! He'd been to her house that afternoon and… and said his farewell! Guilt took over her, and she felt an oppressive shadow squeezing her heart. It was all her fault…she drove him to doing that! And everything because she wasn't strong enough to fight the darkness that had remained from her experience… 

_"…anyway, the man is currently being treated in __County__ _General___, but his actual state remains unknown…"_

County General. Yes, she'd been there when she broke her arm a few years ago! She was pretty sure she knew how to get there…  
Without even grabbing a jacket, she ran into the chilly evening as fast as her legs would allow her to. She was feeling weak and out of breath, but the hospital was only a few blocks away…And there would be no thinking about herself now, anyway. She'd been selfish enough to let all of this happen, and her only priority was Syaoran's health and happiness. Even if he hated her now, even if he never wanted to see her again…she would make sure he was ok. Even if it was just to tell him she was sorry.

When the hospital finally came into view, she experienced the mixed feeling of anxiousness. She wanted very much to know how Syaoran was doing, but she was terrified of facing him too.

Could it be too late?


	19. Dreadful Theory

**Author's Notes:** So Sakura finally remembered…But now it's Syaoran who's in bad shape! Are you getting tired of the endless twists and turns of this story? *smiles sympathetically* I know, I know…But I swear it can't be done in any other way!  
However, for all of you with brave hearts, your reward is coming soon…_very soon, in fact! In this chapter you'll find many explanations to confusing Part 16, and next chapter...Oh, I can promise wonders for Part Twenty! But I want to create some suspense, so I'll shut up for now…  
  
Thanks to all of my reviewers! Luv you guys! _

"I'll Say Goodbye for the Two of Us: When the Truth Breaks the Silence"

Part Nineteen: "Dreadful Theory"

By cherry blossom

Tomoyo and Eriol sat in a tense silence, only interrupted by the beeping sounds of the machines hooked up to Syaoran's body. Eriol didn't dare voice his thoughts to the raven haired beauty beside him, not until he had a plan to work out the issues. What he didn't know, was that she had reached pretty much the same conclusion. Not by a series of deductions as he had, perhaps, but she somehow knew that all her efforts were in vain. It all came down to Sakura again…

Suddenly, both Eriol and Tomoyo's thoughts were interrupted by faint noises that seemed to be getting nearer. Tomoyo strained her ears to hear. Yes, there was some kind of a fight somewhere in the hospital... She could hear a bit of screaming, but couldn't figure out what they were saying yet. Not that it mattered, but it would be nice to take her mind off all trouble for a while… 

She looked at Eriol, expecting him to shrug in return, but he seemed more than keen on listening to the fight outside. In fact, Tomoyo thought she saw shocked recognition in his eyes…

As the sound came closer, she recognized a few words:

"…very delicate state! You are not to enter unless-" a man's voice was saying loudly. Tomoyo gasped as she recognized Carter's voice in it. 

"I don't care! Let me through!" a feminine voice replied angrily. There was a bit of struggling noise and a loud metallic crash. Tomoyo heard a muffled cry.

"…hey, what the-"

"Out of my way!"

More movement and loud steps heading their way. It appeared the woman had managed to get through somehow –  Wait, their way? It did sound like someone was approaching their very room! But who could it be, unless…Tomoyo gasped. Did she dare hope? She stole a glance at Eriol, who appeared to be following the same lines of thoughts…except he was a step ahead, for his faced cracked into a surprised grin a second before the door opened...

…revealing a very frustrated Sakura. She was out of breath and looking exhausted. However, her expression changed as soon as she met Tomoyo's eyes. The girl's green eyes blurred and filled with guilt, shame, sadness, fear…she closed her hands together in that gesture that was so like her. Tomoyo's heart lifted. She was finally seeing recognizing her best friend in the woman before her... 

"What day is it?" Sakura suddenly blurted out. She kept twisting her hands tensely.

"Sakura-chan?" asked Tomoyo concerned. What kind of question was that?

"Just tell me!" begged Sakura miserably.

"Friday, Sakura," replied Eriol before Tomoyo could question her friend.

"Friday…" repeated Sakura in faint dismay. She clamped her hand over her mouth and started shaking her head frantically. Tomoyo was about to jump at her and ask her the million questions that were on her mind, but Sakura snapped out of it by herself when she caught sight of Syaoran. She gasped painfully and swept by his bed, her eyes filling with tears.

"Syaoran-kun…" she whispered, terrified. Tomoyo noticed how her friend had stopped twisting her hands, one of them which was slowly and timidly approaching Syaoran's sleeping form. Tomoyo craved to see what would happen when their skins finally touched…it seemed such a big deal…  
Unfortunately, the door of the room flew open the very second Sakura was about to reach the Chinese man's form. The Card captor withdrew her hand immediately, and Tomoyo sighed. She looked towards the door.

There stood a very angry looking Carter indeed, and Tomoyo forgot everything related to her own problems when she caught sight of him. She'd never expected Carter to have that side…it had seemed virtually impossible to her that the man could ever loose his temper. But there he was, radiating fury through every pore of his body.

"I don't know who you are, but this is a patient in a critical state and you could make him even worse-" he began angrily, prepared to escort her out of the room immediately. It turned out there was no need at all. 

"Even worse…" she echoed miserably. "Yes indeed, I've hurt him enough already…" Without further words, she exited the room in an unintentionally dramatic way. Carter's anger faded, and an unmistakable look of bewilderment took over his features.

"What the…?" he murmured unintelligibly, and turned towards Eriol and Tomoyo. The British man took hold of the situation at once.

"No…it's ok," he said, dismissing any negative thoughts the doctor might have about Sakura. "She may actually be the one to help once she has calmed down…like you said before…" Eriol let his voice trail off, hoping very much the other man would get the message and avoid further questioning. Carter opened and closed his mouth a number of times without articulating a single word. He slightly resembled a fish in water.

After a few moments of silence, the doctor nodded slowly. "I don't really know why I'm trusting your judgment, but if you really think it'll help Li…" he left the sentence unfinished, but the meaning was clear. Eriol bowed slightly in agreement, and Carter exited the room, murmuring incoherent words to himself.

Eriol turned to Tomoyo and took her hand. "Let's go find Sakura," he said, leading her towards the door. "Perhaps we'll be able to sort this out finally."

***

Sakura sat by herself in the waiting room. Even though she was surrounded by sick, tired or sad-looking people, Tomoyo immediately caught sight of her. The young woman stood out in her misery. Her eyes were shinning with unshed tears and she was rocking backwards and forwards slightly. The couple approached her.

"Sakura-chan?" Tomoyo asked softly, but her friend didn't look up. She shot a worried look at Eriol. He nodded and kneeled down in front of her, gently placing a hand over her shoulder.

"Come on, little Sakura," he said caringly, referring to her as he used to do when they were kids. "You know we need to talk."

The auburn haired girl let out a shaky breath. She faced Eriol and nodded sadly.

"I know" she whispered.

"We should go somewhere quieter," chimed in Tomoyo, not wanting to be left out. She felt a bit hurt that Sakura would listen to Eriol and not to her. As if on cue, Sakura leapt out of her seat and hugged Tomoyo.

"I've treated you horribly," she murmured in Tomoyo's ear, her tears evident in her voice. "I'm so sorry…"

Tomoyo rubbed her back soothingly. _Stop thinking about your own feelings! It's Sakura who needs help here…_, she instructed herself. Just then Sakura let go of her, and gave Eriol a hug too.

"I can't express the size of my regret…I just…you guys are too good to me…" Sakura mumbled, holding her head in her hands.

"What's past is past," Eriol said wisely. "We ought to concentrate on what we're going to do next."

"Yes…" echoed Sakura. "Yes, let's get out of here for a while."

***

They didn't get very far, though. Sakura insisted they stayed as near to the hospital as possible. So they decided to settle down on a street bench that was a block away from where Syaoran was.

Sakura allowed her eyes to wander through the scenery around her. There wasn't a single trace of the storm she remembered so vividly. Stars dotted the clear blue sky, and a pleasant breeze was blowing.

"Tell us the last few things you remember before you came to hospital, Sakura" Eriol said suddenly. Sakura did noting but breathe for a few moments before she began speaking. The terrible memories were still swirling confusingly in her mind.

"That afternoon…" she began softly avoiding their looks. "It was still raining when I passed out. When I woke up, Syaoran was at my side. He said he had found me on the bathroom floor, and began on how he was worried about me…" Sakura winced as she said those words, as if the very memory of it caused her great pain.

"I don't know what happened. I said horrible things. And then he just…he said goodbye…just like I did before I left him…" she continued, but her voice got caught in her throat as she started crying softly. Tomoyo put an arm around her in support.

"Just like you had done?" pried Eriol. "Did he say the exact same words?"

Tomoyo shot him an I-don't-think-your-being-too-sensitive kind of look. Eriol dismissed her actions, and raised his eyebrows at Sakura.

"Well?" he repeated. The girl looked doubtful for a moment, but then her face resolved into a determined expression.

"Yes," she answered. "The exact same ones."

Eriol nodded. "What happened next?"

The Card Captor frowned. "I'm not quite sure. I had the strangest dream…or at least I think it was one. It seemed so real…" she said truthfully.

Eriol nodded again. "What was it about?"

"Well, at first I was soaring through the sky…It was such a beautiful night there…much like this one…"she began, but Eriol interrupted her.

"Were you alone? How did you feel?" he asked.

"Yes, I was. And I felt great at first, but then…" she paused, hoping Eriol would ask her something else and she wouldn't have to continue yet. The man, however, remained silent. She bit her lip nervously.

"Well, there was this strange hole right in the middle of the sky. It attracted my attention because there was a cry that seemed to be coming from it…Anyway, I approached and took a look inside. It felt like looking through a gap in the ceiling of my own bedroom…"

"Are you sure it was your bedroom? Could it be just a similar one?" The British man interrupted again.

"Yes, I'm positive it was mine. In fact, I saw myself in it,"

Realization dawned on Eriol's face for a brief moment. Sakura wanted to ask what he thought, but Eriol shook his head and urged her to continue.

"Well my other self was crying…she was holding onto something too. I heard her tell herself that she'd have to do something…she seemed so miserable…" Sakura said softly, as she reflected on it for a few moments. She sighed. "Then she just left the room."

"Did you get a chance to see what she was holding?"

Sakura lowered her eyes. Experiencing it had been horrible, but relieving it when she was conscious of all her horrible actions was so much worse…

"What was it?"

Sakura sighed, knowing Eriol wasn't going to stop questioning her.

"It was the teddy bear he gave me…you know when we were younger…" she let her voice trail off, dangerously on the verge of tears again. The guilt inside her felt like a continuous stabbing in her heart. How could things be so wrong…?

"What then?"

"I remembered…I remembered everything…"

"How well did you remember it then? And what about now?" Eriol inquired, his tone merciless. Sakura wished he'd just leave her alone. With every word she spoke the pain intensified, and she didn't know how much longer she could take it.   
The blue eyed man seemed to notice, and changed his tone into a gentler one.

"I know this is hard, little Sakura," he said softly. "But I need to know exactly what happened so that I can understand what's going on."

Sakura nodded. She knew he meant well, but still… She cleared her throat.

"I think I remembered everything perfectly then, but now…I remember some things very vividly, but some parts are missing…"

"Which parts?"

"When…when h-he…while I was missing!" she blurted out, and started hyperventilating. Tomoyo immediately began whispering soothing words to her, trying to get her to calm down.

Meanwhile, Eriol had gotten up and was pacing up and down the street, murmuring to himself like a madman. Tomoyo's eyes followed his figure, and after a minute she spoke.

"Stop doing that! It makes me nervous…" she complained. Sakura was crying softy on her shoulder.

"Sorry. But I think I finally got it!" he exclaimed, sitting down beside her. They waited for Sakura to calm down a bit, and then he proceeded to explain his conclusions.

"Sakura, that vision you had was no ordinary dream… It was something you own mind tricked you into seeing," Eriol began slowly. Sakura frowned.

"What do you mean?" she asked, puzzled.

"Well, as you must have realized, every time you were on the verge of remembering, something interrupted those trails of thoughts. I'll assume you've been experiencing plenty of headaches and have passed out more than you've told us…" Eriol said expertly. There was a ghost of that smirk that characterized him so well. Sakura's heart lifted the tiniest bit. If she could see some normality at least in Eriol, it meant things hadn't gone entirely out of reach. 

"Yes…but how do you know that?"

"Imagine a small compartment in your brain. Those memories were locked there, wanting to come out, but there's been something inside you that has been preventing them to do so."

"S-something inside me?" Sakura felt sick. What was wrong with her?

"I can't really explain that…" Eriol admitted, but his voice was determined. "The point is, however, that little things have been triggering your memory, but it has been overwhelming you so much that you fainted every time you were on the verge of remembering. So your own mind created those visions, for you to see once you had already blacked out, so that there was no avoiding them…"

Sakura blinked to hold back the tears that continued to form in her eyes. She had no right to cry…even if she had been controlled somehow, it was all because of her own weakness…

"I don't understand Eriol…" she whispered painfully. "What's wrong with me? And why can't I remember…well, everything?"

The man she had addressed lowered his eyes. He did have an idea on why some memories had not been recovered yet, but it wasn't a nice one…

"Please, Eriol…" pleaded Sakura.

He hesitated. 

"We can't keep lying to each other or to ourselves. I _need_ to know…" the emerald eyed girl insisted.

Eriol nodded sadly. "The only thing I can think of is…" he chewed on his lip nervously before continuing. "Well the reason you couldn't remember things was because they were too painful memories, as you now know…My guess is that whatever parts are missing are even harsher ones…so traumatic it'll take a lot more time to figure out…"

Sakura clamped her hand over her mouth once again to stifle a cry, not bothering with the tears that were running freely down her cheeks. A few minutes passed in silence, before she turned to Eriol once again, and whispered in a terrified tone.

"What did they do to me?"

"I don't know, little Sakura," he replied truthfully. "I really don't"


	20. Blossom

**Author's Notes:** I don't have much to say about this chapter, only that I'm sure you'll like it…Still, don't think the story ends here! There are some things due to happen later…but enjoy this for now.  
This chapter is definitely dedicated to **Stargirl-rebels**. You'll know why soon enough ^_^.  
I want to take a moment to thank all of my reviewers for their unconditional support. Many of you also demanded more explanations about what really happened to Sakura. I know you must be sick of this response, but trust me, you'll find out later. I can promise clear explanations _will_ be given. 

That's all for now! Sorry for the wait, you guys!

"I'll Say Goodbye for the Two of Us: When the Truth Breaks the Silence"

Chapter Twenty: "Blossom"

By cherry blossom

"…yes, I see…that's fine…you may go…"  
Sakura heard the young man in a white coat talking to Eriol. Whatever he was agreeing on with her friend, she didn't know, for the blue haired man conveniently kept his voice down. Not that it really mattered. Eriol was probably making up some tale to explain all those things common sense couldn't. She didn't really care what he told the doctor, as long as she got to see Syaoran as soon as possible. Sakura sighed.

It was really painful to see him lying immobile in that bed, so near death. And it was even more unnerving to watch him knowing it was her fault. Sakura felt so ashamed…she had let everyone down again. She had failed Syaoran, she had failed her friends…and she had failed herself. It all came down to her own weakness, her own stupidity that kept bringing negative consequences for everyone that was around her… How could they ever forgive her? And even if they did, would she ever be able to forgive herself? Sakura shook her head sadly, quietly answering her own questions.

Before she could think further, she was snapped out of her reflections by a warm pressure on her shoulder. She looked up.

"We can go in now, little Sakura," said Eriol softly. "Would you rather see him alone or should we enter with you?" The Card Captor sighed once again. Eriol's gentleness was touching but it made her feel worse, knowing she didn't deserve it.

"I'd…I'd rather go in alone if that's ok with you," she said timidly. She actually would have liked to have their support while she faced him, but she knew she had to fix her mistakes by herself.

Eriol nodded understandingly. "Of course," he said, as if that was the answer he had been expecting all along. Sakura, however, had the vague feeling that, for once, her know-it-all friend didn't have the slightest idea of what was going inside her head. "Tomoyo and I will be in the cafeteria if you need us," he added, and without further explanations, took Tomoyo's arm lightly and led her down the hall. Sakura watched them disappear when they turned around the corner. She took a deep breath.

"You will find the way to help him," she told herself firmly. "If you could do this to him, then you have to be able to reverse it."

She didn't know exactly what she was going to do, but if there was one thing she was sure of, it was that she had to bring Syaoran back somehow. Even if it was the last thing she did, she had to.

She just had to…

***

Once Sakura had closed the door behind her, she felt the resolution she had experienced outside slowly melt away. The truth was, unavoidably, that she had no idea whatsoever on how to make Syaoran come back. Sure, she could try and talk, cast a spell even…but would all her efforts be enough? She bit her lip nervously, and slowly approached the bed.

Her beloved Syaoran looked exactly as he had a few hours ago, when she had last saw him. And his appearance now and then was in such a deep contrast with the strong man she remembered…

Sakura shook her head, as if trying to shake these thoughts as well. That was about enough mourning. It was time to solve the problem now. 

She sat down on the chair beside her beloved's bed. Trying to ignore the scary looking machines attached to Syaoran's body, she lowered her hand to his forehead. The touch of his cold skin made her flinch, but she didn't remove her hand. On the contrary, she began caressing Syaoran's face lovingly, moving her fingers down his cheek, tracing the line of his jaw…

"Syaoran…" she whispered. At the sound of his name, the man's eyelids fluttered subtly, but that was it. Encouraged by this almost insignificant fact, Sakura began speaking softly in his ear.

"Syaoran, I will never be able to express the guilt and regret I'm feeling right now. I know this is my entire fault, and the first thing I want to make clear is that you don't have to forgive me…" Sakura paused as tears began falling down her cheeks. She took several deep breaths, as she pleaded for her voice not to fail her. If she started crying she wouldn't be able to stop. And it was imperative she told Syaoran her feelings. She needed him to know this. Just like she had a long time ago, before she made that terrible decision...

"My love, leaving you was the biggest mistake of my life. Not trusting you, keeping my problems to myself, thinking I could solve everything on my own was the most foolish, arrogant, self-centered act I have ever done. For it's clear now that I depend totally and entirely on you. I need you, Syaoran. I'm nothing without you. Only you make me real, make me the person I am…You saw what being away from you did to me! And yet it was me who unwisely chose to leave…" She unwillingly let out a pained cry. Every interrupted trail of anguishing thoughts, every sentence she had left unfinished in fear, all the events that had led them towards the place where they stood in now…It was all coming back to her, finally taking toll on her heart. Pain beyond pain…

"My dearest, I've hurt you in unimaginable ways, and for that I deserve no mercy, no forgiveness…But I can't stand to see you like this, trapped between life and death, in an obscure place, in a vast place of nothingness…" Sakura's weak voice adopted a painfully determined note then.

"Syaoran, I don't care for myself anymore. All that matters in the world to me now is you. Wake up, Syaoran. Wake up and hate me. Wake up and tell me all the horrible things you've never dared say to anyone. Wake up and tell me you despise me with every inch of your heart! But awake, my love…awake at last…" The words she spoke were slowly but surely taking up all of her energy, all of her strength. Sakura's sight was blurry with tears, weariness and pain. Her chest ached every time she drew in a breath and her head was pounding terribly. But there was no stopping now.

"Syaoran, if you recover I promise I will do whatever you ask me to. I will disappear from your life if that is your wish. But come back to me now, dear. Come back even if it is for a moment…a moment I will seize to tell you the most important thing of all…"

Sakura leaned over him and softly kissed him.

"I love you, Syaoran-kun…" she whispered. "Wholeheartedly."

The tension that had been increasing as she spoke, swiftly vanished with her last statement. The air around her felt lighter, warmer… Sakura's teary eyes looked around the room, expecting an explanation to the sudden change of atmosphere. Just then she heard a faint murmur. Her heart skipped a beat and she held her breath as she lowered her eyes to the bed.

Syaoran was murmuring something, and moving his eyelids lightly. Sakura opened her mouth, wanting to say a million things at a time, but not finding the words to do so. Her heart was thumping so hard it was almost threatening to explode. Her lower lip trembled incessantly as she held her breath. The whole world faded away, and it was only her and Syaoran in that moment…

And then he opened his eyes. And then he looked at her.

Amber met emerald, their gazes locked, and for a while nothing at all happened. The world remained still, as if gently waiting for them to react. Sakura couldn't take her eyes off his, and she didn't dare blink. The moment had been captured when their looks met, and its magic threatened to disappear if anything happened. Sakura began to feel light headed, and only then she realized she had been holding her breath. Unable to keep at it, she let it out quickly. And the stillness of the moment broke then.

For a second, Sakura thought she'd never reach him. It took almost forever to get to her feet and approach him. But the next thing she knew, she was leaning over him, hugging him fiercely, crying her heart out on his chest. Bittersweet release…She almost didn't notice his skin was of normal temperature again.

Syaoran, it appeared, was too shocked for words. For a while he did nothing but allow Sakura to drop tears on his chest. Then, he gently touched her back. Sakura lifted her head and stared at him, her eyes puffy and red.

Then he touched her face, slowly tracing her features with his finger. He looked deep into her eyes. "Is it really you, Sakura?" he whispered in a hopeful voice.

"Yes!" she cried. "I'm sorry…! I'm sorry for everything…" She had to stop speaking as her thin voice broke and sobs replaced words. Syaoran, however, didn't seem to notice what she had said as he watched her, amazed. Adoration shone in his eyes, which sparkled, filled with life again.

"Oh, Sakura-chan…" he said breathlessly. "You've finally come back to me…"

Sakura was startled at the love he was unconsciously pouring out to her. How could her love her after what she had done? No, he was probably just confused.

"I'm so sorry…"she said softly. "All I wanted was to look into your eyes one last time…I won't bother you again…" She made an attempt to leave, but Syaoran placed his hands on her waist, with a surprising strong grip for a man who had just been so ill.

"Are you going to leave me again?" he asked fearfully, in a slightly childish tone. Sakura's heart melted, but she commanded herself to be firm. She had sworn he would never be hurt by her weakness again, and she still meant it.

"I don't ever want to hurt you again, Syaoran-kun…" she whispered.

"Then don't leave!" he replied with total conviction. Sakura was stunned. There was no way in hell he'd take her back! And even if he was silly enough to do so she didn't deserve it…! 

"Please, don't make this any harder…" she pleaded. "Can't you see I'm doing this for your own good?"

"That's what you said last time…" he responded softly.

That was a low punch, and Sakura felt it almost physically. The guilt tormented her beyond anything, and for the first time since he had awoken, Sakura saw a reflection of the grief she had experienced in his eyes.

"Yes…" she said miserably. "And I will never forgive myself for that. But that's why I have to leave…I don't want anything like that to happen to you again…"

"Then don't leave!" he repeated sharply, but then his voice turned into an anguished plea. "Please, don't leave me again, Sakura…"

Sakura's jaw dropped and she shook her head. Her eyes were wide and shocked.

"No…it's impossible!" she stated. "How can you still want me?"

"Because I love you, Sakura. Because I'm bound to you by that love. I do not exist without you as you do not exist without me. I cannot _be without you…just like you said…" he answered simply, a ghost of a smile on his face._

"You heard me…?" inquired Sakura, holding her left hand to her heart.

"Indeed. I always hear you call for me, no matter how far apart…" Syaoran replied lovingly. He took her right hand and placed it over his heart. "There…" he whispered. "Can you feel it? Both your heart and mine beat as one…"

And it was true. Their heartbeats had the exact same rhythm. Sakura felt the shadow that had been tainting her soul slowly disappear…

"I love you," she stated. "And I'll stay with you forever if you'll take me…"

Syaoran took her face in his hands and pulled her nearer. Then their lips met, softly, tenderly, lovingly, sealing a promise with that kiss.

"Stay with me forever," he requested.

"Forever…" she echoed, and hugged him.

Sakura and Syaoran held each other, enjoying the moment as they hadn't enjoyed anything in a long time. They silently wished that instant would never end…

But no matter how strong their desire was, it couldn't suppress the darkness that was still out there, waiting.

A dark figure had watched the whole scene from the window, and was now shaking with fury. So the kids were back together again…Fine, no problem. He'd take them down together then. It was just a small change in his plans…it wouldn't affect the result. Still, they had managed to anger him, and that wasn't wise at all. He'd see they got what they deserved. The fools…he'd show them real pain soon. 

Very soon.


	21. Revelations

**Author's Notes:** I'm SO sorry for the wait! I've had this chapter written for a while, but I haven't had any time to update…really, really sorry! Anyways, I'm glad you liked this chapter, but unfortunately Sakura won't remember everything yet. You see, the loose ends of this story will be coming together in the next chapters. And when everything is finally explained, bye-bye fanfic! I can't wait to finish it once and for all!   
Thanks a lot to my faithful reviewers! I really LUV you guys! I also want to dedicate this chapter to Anime Queen as a very very _very delayed b-day present (Sep 22nd! I didn't forget!). Thanks for all your support, Anniki!  
  
_

Enjoy, and stay tuned for next chapter!

"I'll Say Goodbye for the Two of Us: When the Truth Breaks the Silence"

Part Twenty-One: "Revelations"

By cherry blossom

"Unbelievable," muttered Carter to himself as he looked at the chart in his hand. "Simply unbelievable." He glanced at Syaoran, who was smiling and holding Sakura's hand, and back to the papers he was holding. He shook his head, incredulous. 

Eriol had to bit back a laugh. Poor Carter…he probably thought he was going crazy. First Syaoran had arrived with the weirdest symptoms, and now he had recovered in the strangest way... Well, Eriol hoped the doctor refrained from asking himself too many questions, and simply accepted Syaoran's recovery for what it was – a miracle.

The blue eyed man watched the couple of Card Captors. Syaoran was sitting up in bed, nodding at something Sakura was telling him. They were holding hands. Eriol felt a small smile tug at the corners of his mouth. It was definitely refreshing to see them like that again. Still, his mind wasn't in peace yet. There was something about Sakura missing stuff that unsettled him more than it should…

"So can I go now?" asked Syaoran hopefully, interrupting Eriol's thoughts. Carter cleared his throat.

"Well, I think you'd better stay for observation, Mr. Li," he replied.

"But I feel fine! I haven't felt this well in a long time!" Syaoran whined.

"Now, Syaoran, don't be childish," interceded Sakura patiently. "Dr. Carter only wants to make sure there are no complications."  
Carter nodded and shot Sakura a grateful glance. "It'll only be a few hours," he added. 

"Fine…" accepted Syaoran. "But Sakura stays with me all the time!"

Carter smiled at him and nodded. "No problem. I'll come to check on you in a while," he consented, and exited the room. The four friends were left alone now.

The moment the door closed Tomoyo rushed towards Syaoran and gave him a big hug.

"I'm so glad you're ok, Syaoran-kun!" she said in a hushed voice. "And you too, Sakura-chan!" She hugged them both. 

"No hug for me?" asked Eriol in a pretended hurt voice. Tomoyo laughed.

"Don't be jealous, darling," she said sweetly, and gave him a quick kiss. Eriol put his arms around her and she sighed happily. Just like Eriol, she had the vague feeling that it wasn't all over, but unlike him, she couldn't help feeling relieved. Things were so much better now…If they all faced it together, what could go wrong? 

"I'm glad too, of course," affirmed Eriol. "But I don't think we should relax that much."

"Oh, don't be so paranoid Eriol-kun," said Sakura distractedly, not even looking his way. She was too busy staring lovingly at Syaoran, whose eyes were fixed upon hers likewise. 

Eriol frowned slightly. "I'm not being paranoid. I just think we should be alert…something's telling me this is not over yet…"

"Why wouldn't it? Are we missing something…?" interrupted Syaoran, a note of irritation in his voice. He didn't want to worry himself with that. Now that Sakura was with him again, all his problems seemed far away and he just wanted to get lost in her eyes forever…  
Tomoyo gave Eriol an understanding smile. "I know you're worried, sweetie," she said warmly. "But let them enjoy themselves for a while. Besides Syaoran is right…what makes you think we are missing something?"  
Eriol's frowned became more pronounced. "Because we are…" he said quietly, and, with that statement, the daze Sakura and Syaoran shared suddenly broke. They looked at him.

"We're still missing what really happened to Sakura."

With that, they all found themselves back in reality. Even if things were right now, something terrible had happened and they couldn't just forget about it. No matter how much they wanted to.

Syaoran bore an expression of half-comprehension. "What happened?" he asked. "Didn't you remember everything, Sakura?"

Eriol bit his lip. Syaoran was going to react very badly to the fact that Sakura had been hurt so horribly that her own mind couldn't take remembering them. And it would make it even worse when he found out he, Eriol, didn't have the vaguest idea of who could be behind of this. Oh no, Syaoran wasn't going to like this at all.

***

Relieving her worst fears again wasn't easy for Sakura. It had been hard talking it over with Eriol and Tomoyo, but doing it with Syaoran was even worse. Especially since, as she spoke, he was lying in the hospital bed she had put him into. Besides, the auburn haired girl dreaded to see what his reaction would be. She didn't want to upset him any further.

However, it was Eriol who – understanding Sakura's feelings – decided to tell the story. That meant she could just focus on breathing in and out while holding Syaoran's hand. It seemed very important to maintain physical contact, as if the memories brought back by the tale might sweep her away.

Syaoran behaved pretty well through almost all of it. Sakura could feel him tense up at certain parts, particularly those in which her own inner torment was described, but it was evident he was doing his best to control his fury. In fact, it was perfect until Eriol reached the bottom line of the story. When Syaoran finally understood that his cherry blossom had been done unimaginable horrors and that he couldn't make whoever's fault it was pay, things got nasty.

First his reaction was of total disbelief. How could they not know who had done it? It was ridiculous! Who would he pay back then?  
The next step was fury. First directed to Eriol, who was apparently supposed to simply _know_ who was responsible. The blue haired man's glasses fell and shattered as Syaoran grabbed him roughly by the shirt and demanded an answer. Tomoyo's pleas were ignored and it wasn't until Sakura yelled at him that he let Eriol go.

His hatred was directed then to himself, to whoever had done it, and to the world in general. He began trashing up the whole place, ripping the curtains apart, throwing the flower vases against the wall…He even punched the door so hard, his fist went all the way through it into the hallway. Then, Sakura's cries got to him and he crumpled on the floor, rocking backwards and forwards, cursing his own weaknesses… The thought of Sakura leaving him by her own free will hurt enough already, but knowing that she had been tricked into it, and done god knew what to her because he hadn't been good enough to protect her… No, there was no name for something like that.

Sakura, tears in her eyes, hurried towards him and her arms around him. Syaoran cried bitterly on her chest as he hugged her fiercely. 

"…ever forgive me…?" he said between sobs. "…failed, again I failed…"

"It's no one's fault but mine!" she declared firmly. Why did he have to react that way? She just couldn't take him suffering anymore! And it scared her so much when he lost his temper like that…what if he hurt himself too badly?

"Sakura, my Sakura…" whispered Syaoran, his head still resting on her warm chest. "I love you so much…"  
Sakura began whispering soothing words in his ear, and it was then when Eriol decided it was time to leave. He quietly took Tomoyo's hand and they exited the room.

***

Once outside, Tomoyo didn't waste a minute.

"Quick Eriol, do something! Someone's bound to have heard all the noise, and they'll think Syaoran is too dangerous to get out!" she said hurriedly.

"It's already done," replied Eriol softly, and waved his hand around the corridor. Sure enough, it was empty.

"I thought something like this might happen…" he explained. Tomoyo nodded.

"Of course…but why did you tell him everything then? You could have softened things a bit…" she complained. The scene had been quite scary…Tomoyo had never seen Syaoran so angry in her entire life. 

"Circumstances are too weird and dangerous. We can't afford to hide even the tiniest bit of the truth…" Eriol frowned. He was getting that horrible chill on his spine, the one that indicated horror before them all.

"But his reaction was terrible…I thought he was going to punch your head off your neck!" whispered Tomoyo in a shaky voice. The image of Syaoran's fiery eyes was stilled fixed before her own.

"Don't be silly, darling. You know I'm perfectly capable of protecting myself," he said reassuringly. "And you, if it were to be the case," he added, though he was sure Syaoran would never dare raise a hand to Tomoyo. The amethyst eyed girl frowned at this statement.

"I'm not doubting you're abilities, Eriol," she said softly. "But I fear for Syaoran and Sakura. How will they stick together when so many things threaten to break them apart?"  
Eriol nodded gravely. He understood what she was saying. "I know, Tomoyo. But sticking together is the only way they'll be able to win over those things…" He left his mouth open, as if about to speak further, but then decided he'd better not to. 

"What?" Tomoyo inquired, slightly angry at the fact that he was holding back something. "You said we weren't to hide even the tiniest bit of-"

"I was thinking," Eriol interrupted, not wanting to hear the reproach, "I was thinking that whoever did this knew exactly what we've just said: that they cannot make it without each other."

"What do you mean?" she asked, puzzled. She somehow knew that what he was saying was accurate, but she felt too tired to do the connections herself.

"You'll know soon enough. I'll tell Sakura and Syaoran too," he replied, and blinked several times tiredly. His glasses were still lying, shattered, on the floor of Syaoran's room, and he was getting quite dizzy without them.

"How come, with everything you can do as the reincarnation of Clow Reed, you can't improve your eyesight?" inquired Tomoyo, in an amused, slightly teasing tone. She knew it was a stupid, irrelevant comment, but it had somehow struck her funny in the midst of all their worries.

Eriol sighed. He was wondering the exact same thing.

***

By the time their friends had finished their short conversation, Sakura and Syaoran had calmed down, but still remained in the position they had adopted before Eriol closed the door behind him and Tomoyo. 

Sakura was trying with all her might to envelope Syaoran in her warm aura, to send him positive and caring feelings, to ease the pain in his tormented heart. She was concentrating so hard on that, she actually forgot her own grief, which was fine with her. Syaoran came before even herself.

The Chinese man, on the other hand, was clinging on to Sakura, surrendering to her warmth and love. For once, he let her be the one to protect him instead of the other way around. And it felt so good…Yes, it was bliss to rest in her arms, accepting everything she was offering. Syaoran only had one memory of ever being hugged like this, and it went all the way back to his early childhood.

****Flashback****

It happened when he was about four-years-old. He was still a normal, enthusiastic, open child back then. 

One day he had been playing around the house, when he accidentally broke his mother's favorite flower vase. He knew Yelan cherished it like nothing else, for it was the only thing she possessed that had belonged to her mother. So he had spent an hour collecting every single piece of it and had fixed it the best he could, all by himself. The result, of course, wasn't too great given he was just a four-year old with some glue and tape. But still, even at that age he knew that he had to take responsibility for his acts, and that night he had approached his mother's bedroom fearfully, holding the vase in one hand and a flower in the other. 

He had rehearsed a long speech in front of the mirror, with his best spoken apologies, but when he caught sight of his mother he forgot all about it and broke down like he had never done in his short life. And then, something unexpected happened. Yelan, who was very keen on keeping affection displays at minimum, had pulled him into a tight, loving hug. Little Syaoran was so surprised he had even stopped crying.

"But I broke your favorite vase!" he had said in that cute, high-pitched voice that characterizes young children. Yelan smiled kindly.

"It's only a vase," she had replied calmly, gently caressing his hair.

"But it's grandma's. I know how much you like it," he had insisted.

Yelan's expression turned serious then. "Even if it is, it's only a material thing. The effort you put into trying to fix it, and the courage you had to tell me the truth are what really matter," she had said wisely, and taken the vase from Syaoran's hand. Syaoran had timidly offered the flower as well, and the woman had placed it in her hair. 

The mended vase still rested proudly on the little table where it had always been. Syaoran, on the contrary, had been careful to never break anything again, and with the years had turned into the quiet, lonely boy who did everything with extreme caution and method. He had never cried like that again, either.

Until that night.

****End of flashback****

Sakura's hug had brought back the happiest memory of his childhood. Just like Yelan, she was holding him comfortingly, selflessly offering everything and wanting nothing in return, except for his happiness. He felt like that clumsy little kid again, and the best part of it was knowing that Sakura loved him with all his faults. He sighed as she ran her hand through his hair softly. He would have loved to stay like that longer, but he wasn't a child anymore. Syaoran reluctantly drew back a bit, until his face was at Sakura's level again. She tenderly kissed him on the forehead.

"It's ok, dear," she whispered. "We'll be ok."

"I'm sorry," he said sorrowfully. "I didn't mean to loose control like I did…"

"I know."

"I just…" Syaoran bit his lip. "I just want to find the bastard who did this to you and-and…" He closed his fist tightly. He didn't know what he wanted to do to him. Death seemed a too kind punishment.

"I know, Syaoran, but you have to keep yourself together. We need to be calm t-" 

"No! I can't be calm! That's what people have been telling me to do ever since you went missing, but I'm_ not_ a calm person!" he said through clenched teeth, and lowered his eyes to avoid her look. He knew it was probably upsetting Sakura, but he couldn't control it. He was just too furious.

"Please, Syaoran…" she pleaded softly. "It scares the hell out of me to see you like this. And I know you're blaming yourself for it, when it's not even your fault. No, let me continue" she added, when she saw he was about to protest at the last statement. "It's your own self-blaming that brings you down. I swear, Syaoran, you are your own worst enemy…Cause nothing makes you feel as bad as you do when you take everything upon yourself…"

"But Sakura, it really _is_ my-" he began.

"No, it's not! _I _was the one stupid enough to get tricked into it. _I_ was the one who let darkness take over me. _I_ am the one who has been treating you like dirt ever since you rescued me! Me, me, me!" she blurted out hurriedly and squeezed her eyes shut. She didn't want to relieve it again…

"Nothing would have happened if I had been good enough to protect you…" he stated stubbornly. 

"Again with that! _I_ am the only one responsible for myself! I know you mean well in wanting to guard me from everything evil, but you can't take my mistakes upon yourself!" she insisted loudly. Why did he have to make things harder than they already were?

"But Sakura…" he whispered sadly. "If something did happen to you, what would happen to me? As selfish as this may sound, I don't mean to protect only your happiness…It's my own, too, I'm guarding. I'm terrified of what I may become without you…"

Sakura closed her eyes tightly once again, trying to blink back the tears. She wanted to find words to redeem his pain, but she didn't get a chance to do so. Because something was happening at that very moment. A horrible feeling crept down her spine. She opened her mouth, but no words came out. She heard Syaoran asking her what was wrong with her, but she couldn't reply. 

Suddenly, all the lights went off. Even the sun disappeared, and the Card Captors were left in total, thick darkness. For a second, everything was silent.

"Tender words, Li. We'll see how long they last in Earlington…" a cold, grave voice resounded in their ears. 

Fortunately, Syaoran managed to grab Sakura's hand before they were swept away by a black whirlwind… 


	22. Fear

**Author's Notes: **I'm so glad you liked the last chapters! Real break from the angst of the story? Or a bit at least! However, I regret to tell you that things won't be running that smoothly in following chapters. The ending is drawing very near, and there are several loose ends I need to tie before it. You'll see.  
  


Anyways, thanks a LOT for the wonderful reviews! Luv you all!

"I'll Say Goodbye for the Two of Us: When the Truth Breaks the Silence"

Part Twenty-Three: "Fear"

By cherry blossom

**Sakura's POV**

At first there was nothing at all. Or at least _I_ felt nothing.

Floating through vast darkness, my mind was free from all worries. Oh, it was bliss not to think! I only limited myself to exist. How long did it last? I'm not sure. It could have been mere minutes or full days. I wished it would last forever.

But it didn't.

Suddenly, harshly, the pain came. I hit the cold, stone floor with a thud. For a moment I thought I was going to black out, but I didn't. Instead, I opened my eyes to find out it was useless. The darkness around me was complete. I shut my eyes and opened them again. Nope, I still couldn't see. 

How had I gotten there? I remembered I was in hospital with Syaoran, when suddenly _he appeared and conjured up a whirlwind. I knew, instantly, I was somewhere in Earlington. But had he gotten hold of Syaoran too? I felt a drop of cold sweat run through my face. _

"Syaoran?" I whispered, fearing the worst. 

"Sakura! Where are you?!"

I breathed loudly in relief. If he was here, then things were at least half-better than I expected. 

"I'm over here!" I replied anxiously. 

"Keep talking," he instructed. His voice sounded quite close, but he seemed to have trouble finding me anyway. Then something struck me. Didn't he feel my aura? Normally, he could track me down for miles just by sensing it. Was something wrong with him? But, on second thought, I wasn't getting his either. What the hell was going on? 

"Sakura? Can't hear you! Is everything all right?" he questioned anxiously. 

"Sorry! Wasn't speaking yet! Hmm…what can I say?" I asked, feeling kind of stupid. My mind was so blank…I couldn't find any words!

"Just recite numbers!" he replied in a matter-of-fact tone. I could hear the noise of his feet against the floor.

"One, two, three, four…" I began counting, hoping I wouldn't have to reach more than fifteen. Syaoran being so near, but unable to reach me, was getting on my nerves. A feeling of frightening uneasiness settled upon me.

"N-nine, ten, eleven…" Then I felt the warm contact of his hand on my arm. He pulled me towards him and I buried my face in his chest. Half of the burden in my heart lifted once I was in his arms. The other half, though, seemed to intensify, as if trying to make up for the one gone.

"Sakura, you're trembling from head to foot…" whispered Syaoran worriedly. "Are you ok?"

"Y-yes, I'm just…" I began, but had to stop to catch my breath. It seemed to get caught somewhere before it reached my lungs. "Syaoran, I'm terrified," I confessed weakly, and looked up to him, by reflex, to where I thought his eyes were. I was exceptionally glad he couldn't see my own, for tears were filling up in them.

"Of course, but we need to h-"

"No…you don't understand," I interrupted in a thin, shrilly voice. I also shook my head frantically, even though he couldn't see me. "It's blind raw fear running through me. I-I can't express it, I…" I stopped to breathe again. "I've never been so scared in my whole life," I whispered, and before I could stop myself, I added a strange afterthought that came into my mind. "Or at least I have no memory of it…"

"Interesting choice of words…"

I heard those words distinctly.

But it wasn't Syaoran speaking them…

***

Eriol raced through the hallways of the hospital. Tomoyo half-run, half-flew behind him, given he was holding her hand and going faster than she possibly could.

"What the hell is going on?!" Tomoyo asked loudly. Eriol ignored her and increased speed. If they could only make it before it was too late…

"Eriol, I swear my arm will come-off if you don't stop!" Tomoyo insisted. Fortunately for her, they were just reaching Syaoran's room. Eriol stopped abruptly and she was flung forwards, hitting the wall with her elbow. 

"Ow!" she exclaimed, massaging the spot. "What was that for?"

For once, Eriol's thoughts had nothing to do with her. He was standing in front of the door, frozen. His mouth was half-open and his eyes were a mixture of fear and recognition. Tomoyo forgot all about her elbow.

"Eriol?" she asked softly. Eriol didn't reply, but slowly opened the door and took a look inside. He squeezed his eyes shut and opened them again. Then, he turned to Tomoyo. She read his look instantly and they both hold their gazes for a long moment. When the amethyst-eyed girl spoke, her voice was but a whisper.

"I guess we shouldn't have left them alone, then?" 

***

**Sakura's POV**

I gasped. 

Immediately, my whole body started shaking violently. Blind, irrational fear rushed through my veins, preventing me from moving at will. My breath started coming in and out in horrible, short wheezes. I vaguely felt Syaoran tense beside me.

"Who the hell are you and what is going on?" he inquired sharply. 

"Now, now, young one…Where are your manners?" asked the cold voice, in a slightly amused tone. As it spoke I felt chills on my spine. There was something about it, something really terrible…

"Don't play with me!" retorted Syaoran coldly. "And turn the lights on so that I can see who I'm facing!" Upon this statement I flinched unreasonably. Why wouldn't I want the lights on? The darkness around me terrified me, no question about that. But for some reason, I didn't want to be able to see…To see who was speaking…

The cold voice laughed. "Are you sure that's what you want?" it asked derisively. "I'm not sure the Card Mistress thinks much of that…don't you, sweet Sakura?" 

I let out a strangled cry at the sound of my name. Terrifying memories were swirling inside my head, at such speed I still couldn't make out what they were.

"Don't you dare address her, you bastard!" Syaoran cried, venom pouring from his voice. I noticed he was trembling as much as I was, but, unlike me, it was due to fury instead of fear. "Now, do as I said!" he demanded.

For a split second everything was silent again. I could hear the sound of my heart thumping against my chest. I could feel the intense coldness the dark brought upon me. Then the voice spoke again.

"As you wish."  
Suddenly, blinding light filled the room. I hid my face in Syaoran's chest while he tightened his grip on me. For a moment there was nothing but us, holding each other, and the energy of the light blasting around us. Then, just as fast as it had begun, it all stopped.

I heard Syaoran gasp and I knew he must have opened his eyes. Desperate, hysterical fear seized me again. I pressed myself harder against Syaoran.

"What?" taunted the cold voice. "Not what you expected?" I heard Syaoran gapping. I knew what he was feeling. Because I had felt the exact same thing the first time I was here, and saw _him_ for the very first time. _Him_ who was now staring at me so hard I could feel his eyes on my back. But I couldn't turn around yet. I just couldn't. I squeezed my eyes shut and prayed it was just my imagination. A dream. But I knew it wasn't. Gathering all the courage that was left in me, I slowly turned around.

And saw _him._

Standing there in front of me, it was my worst nightmare come true. Tall, unhealthily skinny, his big, full-black eyes met mine. His thin lips curved into an evil, mocking, twisted smile. His unnaturally pale skin seemed to blend in with the bright light surrounding us. I could feel the coldness he radiated.

"Sakura…Long time, no see…" he said calmly. I shuddered at the sound of his voice and felt my body go stiff. The memories that had been tugging at me were finally taking a clearer form. Fragments of horrible thoughts flashed before my eyes, as _his cold, evil laugh resounded in my ears. _

"Sakura? Sakura, talk to me!" I heard Syaoran's anxious voice but it seemed to come from a very far away place. The images before me were hazy and indistinct, but I didn't know if it was due to the tears of fright in my eyes, or because the world was simply fading away. Maybe it was both.

"Silly girl. Did you really think you could forget about me?" his icy voice reached me clearly, as if it were coming from inside my head. I felt my insides squirm with fear as horrible, electrifying images danced in my brain, taunting me relentlessly.

I could still hear Syaoran calling, but wasn't able to answer as the darkness that had remained inside me for so long finally was exposed to the light. I uttered a last, single cry before I began falling and falling…

***

Tomoyo sat quietly by herself as Eriol sorted things out with Carter. She still hadn't recovered from the shock of entering Syaoran's temporary bedroom and finding nothing but what appeared to be the remains of the room after a tornado. And just when things were starting to get in track…!

"Come on, Tomoyo. Let's get out of here," Eriol said softly. Nodding, the girl stood up and followed him.   
Once they stepped outside, they were greeted by a beautiful, clear day. The sun shone bright in the sky and a few cotton-like clouds swirled above their heads. A pleasantly cool breeze ruffled Tomoyo's long hair. How ironic, she thought, that the day would be so bright when she could not see past the darkness in her heart. Eriol seemed to read his mind, for he tenderly placed a hand over the small of her back and whispered in her ear. "Not everything is lost yet." He didn't say more, but a tiny light of hope twinkled inside her. They had gone through worse, hadn't they? At least Sakura and Syaoran were together now…

The couple had reached Penguin Park. They sat down on a bench, and for a few minutes, they simply enjoyed each other's company. Unfortunately, it didn't last long, for they had pressing matters to solve.

"Will you tell me now what you hinted before?" asked Tomoyo softly. Eriol nodded, but remained silent as if choosing the words to begin with. Tomoyo understood, and patiently waited.

"As I was telling you before," began Eriol, his voice preoccupied, "Whoever has been doing has not overseen the obvious: as long as Sakura and Syaoran stand together, they will not be defeated. It's evident that the strongest power of all lays in the bond that ties them together, but that very thing could be there downfall too…" Eriol paused, and bit his lip, thinking hard.

"What do you mean?" asked Tomoyo, knowing there was more to it than what was saying.

"Well, as you yourself have observed, what makes them strong together is the same thing that weakens them when apart. They virtually _do not exist without each other. Whoever has done this, I repeat, has based his actions precisely on that."_

"But in hope of what, may I ask?" exclaimed Tomoyo, holding a hand to her heart. Eriol shook his head slightly.

"His powers, her magic…Could be anything. But that's not the point. Whatever it is that he wants, he has been having very good chances at it. Unless, Sakura and Syaoran find a way to defeat him…" Eriol let his voice trail off, unsure of what to say next.

Tomoyo held his gaze as steadily as she could. She nodded, encouraging him to continue speaking.

"I don't know, Tomoyo. These are big things we're dealing with. I'm not sure what could happen, but I fear our defeat would have terrible consequences."

Tomoyo lowered her eyes and silence settled between them for a moment, in which each of them thought about the words just spoken. Then, Tomoyo suddenly spoke up.

"You keep saying '_him'_… Do you have any idea of who might be behind this all?"

Eriol frowned, but nodded. "I do, but I hope I'm wrong about it because, if I'm not, Sakura and Syaoran will have to overcome greater things than they could have ever imagined…"

He didn't elaborate, but Tomoyo caught the message clearly.

"What can _we do?" she asked, though she had a good guess on what his answer would be._

"Not much. Just hope they come to realize what we have," he answered softly.

"Do you think they will?" asked Tomoyo hopefully.

Eriol's frown increased. It had taken _him_ quite a bit to figure it out, and with time and calmness too. Would Sakura and Syaoran be able to see it between the dangers and desperation Earlington held for held for them?   
Wishing he could provide a better answer, he repeated the words that seemed to be an answer for everything those days.

"I don't really know…"


	23. Reminescence

**Author's Notes: **I'm really sorry for the late update! _Again! The truth is that I shouldn't be writing this while I'm in the midst of all my finals, but I can't help it! This is _so_ much more interesting that school! Hopefully, I will manage to continue this story and scrape good notes as well. The only test I've taken so far is math, and I did really well! (Got an A! Can you believe it? I'm so proud of myself ;) _

Anyway, I'd like you to know that this is one of the chapters you've been waiting for. Almost everything you've wanted to know will be explained here. It may be a bit confusing, so I'll enlighten you up a little. Basically, Sakura will go through everything that has happened since her nightmare began…She picks up from "I'll Say Goodbye for the Two of Us" (the prequel, in case you haven't read it), and tells everything from her point of view. There's a small Syaoran POV too, and I promise more like it for next chapters.

Someone asked what Earlington was. Well, yes, it is a place. I think it was explained in previous chapters, but well, think of it as the number one evil headquarters ;)  
Someone else asked who _he_ was. Perhaps this chapter will give you a part of the answer. You'll have to wait for the rest though.

Lastly, I wanted to warn you that this chapter is the darkest I've written on this fic so far. I felt a shadow hanging over me while I wrote it. It's very disheartening. But it's the truth. And you'll see that's all that matters…

**Thanks to all my wonderful, wonderful reviewers! You guys are the best! Luv you all!**

"I'll Say Goodbye for the Two of Us: When the Truth Breaks the Silence"

Part Twenty-Three: "Reminiscence"

By cherry blossom

**Syaoran's POV**

Even after it was gone, the sound was still fixed in my ears. The laughter…It was terrible. 

Analyzing it in retrospective, it was something that could have literally drove me crazy in fear. But I guess I was too angry to feel afraid. In fact, my own fury blinded me and I didn't notice Sakura falling until it was too late. In figurative sense, I mean, for at least I managed to catch her before she reached the floor. But she had started falling into the depths of the darkness within her long before that.

So I held her in my arms and carefully listened to her heart. It was beating rather quickly, a bit irregularly, and not very strongly. But the beating was there. I breathed.

Then I noticed _he_ was gone. Thankfully, the lights were still on. I looked at Sakura again. She was very pale and breathing with difficulty. She seemed to be murmuring something. I draw myself nearer.

"…what? No…not here…!" she cried softly. 

"Sakura?" I tried, and gently shook her. 

"…but I wanted…No! All I wanted…" She didn't appear to have heard me. 

A sudden thought hit me. She had only blacked out when she was on the verge of remembering something. Yet, I had never heard her talk in that condition. It sounded to me like she was remembering those things Eriol had talked about. _Aloud. I bit my lip. If she couldn't face her memories awake, perhaps she could do it like this. But what if she forgot about them once she regained consciousness? There was only one thing to do._

Gently, I placed her on the floor with her head resting on my knee. I put my right hand on her forehead and held her left hand with my remaining one. I whispered an incantation and concentrated hard. 

What I was about to do was a difficult variation of a trick she had once played on me. The fateful night she had left me, Sakura had made sure I registered what she said while I slept, but that I couldn't wake up or talk back to her. That was an easy one, it worked like a recorder. What I wanted to do, though, was a bit more complicated. It was what is vulgarly called "Hypnotism". I was going to make her relieve her memories, make her talk about them to me. 

I didn't want to. Oh, I definitely didn't want to. I was terrified of what I may find there. I wished we could just remain in blissful ignorance. But we couldn't. We just couldn't pretend it hadn't happened. It was for the best… I kept telling myself these things while I breathed deeply, finally ready to commence. Or, at least, as ready as I was going to be.

"Sakura? Can you hear me?" I asked gently, but in a firm voice. She stopped muttering for a few seconds. Her eyelids fluttered. When she spoke again, her voice was thin and panicky, but louder as well. 

"Syaoran? Where are you?"

"I'm right here, Sakura. I'm holding your hand," I replied patiently, calmly. Intense feelings were threatening to overflow, but I had to keep myself cool to do this.

"But I can't see you!" she cried. "I'm so scared…" Tears began falling through her partially closed eyes.

"I know you are, Sakura," I said as soothingly as I could, while I squeezed my eyes shut. It was taking all of my willpower not to cry. "But what you're seeing isn't real. None of it. You're just remembering. Reality is where I am, holding you and talking to you."

Her sobbing redeemed a little. "Not real? But it feels real to me!"

"That's because you're remembering in a very special way. As if it were happening all over again."

Wrong choice of words. I felt her tense. "W-what do you mean it'll happen again?" 

"It won't. I will just seem like that. But nothing can hurt you in your memories, Sakura," I explained weakly. God, I had to get a grip. It broke my heart to see how frightened she was, but it was imperative I remained the calmed one of the two of us. There was no other way out.

"Listen," I continued, before she could argue more. "This is what we'll do: you will describe what is happening at every single moment. I'm right here for you. Whenever you get scared or feel pain, just imagine a knob turning down the volume. Remember, these are only memories. You can turn the pain or fear down whenever you want to. If you can't deal with it, I'll help you turn it down. I'm right here for you," I repeated the last words, just to make sure she got a clear message. I wasn't going anywhere. She wouldn't have to deal with things alone this time.

"You promise?" she whispered. I felt my hear swell. 

"I promise," I replied firmly. 

Sakura breathed deeply a few times before she started speaking. I was thankful for that, because I needed some time to get adjusted to the image she represented now. Her eyes were half-open an unfocused. Her mouth was partially open too, as if she wasn't getting enough air. Her left hand lay limp in mine, while her right hand was rested upon her heart, rising up and down along with her chest as she breathed shallowly.

Suddenly, she seemed very distant again. As if she had completely forgotten I had spoken to her barely seconds before. I can't really say why these thought hit me like it, but I knew I was right. I prayed to every God I knew that this would work out, that she would remember I was right there in case she needed anything.

But as she began speaking, I felt myself falling under an icy spell. Unable to speak, to move, to think, I was frozen in place. Unwillingly, I settled myself to contemplate in silence the horrors she'd be through.

_Alone_.

***

**Sakura's POV**

I'm not sure how it happened. I had only walked a few blocks from the apartment Syaoran and I shared, and was miserably wondering what I would do the rest of my life, when something suddenly changed in the scene around me. The night became darker. The air became colder. Irrational fear squeezed my heart painfully.

And then he appeared. I felt my breath get knocked out of me. 

The impression he produced at first sight was a mixed rush of repulsion and pity. His complexion was so white he seemed to be glowing in a creepy, phantomlike way in the dark. He was so thin, his skin seemed to be the only thing holding his bones together. His hands were bony and his fingers long and thin, resembling spiders. And his face…it was terrible. It was so consumed I could make out the shape of his skull underneath his skin. His eyes were huge and completely black. All together, he gave the appearance of a weak, disjointed creature. But that was only at first sight.

In fact, when I took a better look at him I discovered some things I had missed the first time. For example, that his eyes were icy, pitch black windows revealing only a glimpse of the evilness in him. Or that his mouth was twisted in a horrible, almost maniac smile. But once I got the chance to see that, it was too late.

He approached me slowly. I meant to move. I really tried to get out of there as fast as my legs could carry me. But I found myself stuck to the floor. I agonized silently as he took every step towards me. And then, when he was so near I could feel his icy breath on my face, he spoke.

"Card Mistress…we'll see how long that heart of yours keeps shinning." I recognized the voice immediately. For I had heard it many times before…in my dreams. Just then it hit me. It was a trap. It was a trap from the very beginning. I had fallen into it like I always do, because of my own weakness of mind. I began shaking my head frantically.

"Oh, yes, sweet Sakura…this is no dream…" 

And with that final statement everything went black for the first of what would be many times. So I sank into the darkness, hoping my foolishness would only affect me, praying to whoever would listen, that it would only be me who paid for it.

I guess no one was really listening.

***

I woke up tiredly, and with a raging headache. It took me a while to figure out where I might be, and what I was doing there. Then I remembered him with a shudder. I remembered his words…what kind of tortures laid ahead of me? And I was alone this time…so alone… Just the thought of it terrorized me. But I didn't have more time to think about it. Because, suddenly, the lights turned on and I saw him again. 

I felt the already familiar sense of irrational fear creep upon me. But this time, I noticed, I was able to speak.

"Who are you?" I asked in the bravest tone I could manage.

"That's not important," he replied calmly. "It's not like you'd be able to tell anyone, anyway…"

"W-what do you mean?" There was no trying to sound brave now. Was he saying what I thought he was saying?

He let out a small laugh. It was unnerving. "Oh, no, Sakura! I'm not going to kill you, at least not in the way you fear," he added. "Though you won't be afraid of _that very long…"_

At first I didn't know why those words didn't relieve me the tiniest bit. But I guess I was just foreseeing what I would learn later. What I would learn the hard way. 

When he came near me, I felt the blood in my veins freeze. He held out one of his horrible, spider-like hands, and touched my temple. I immediately felt pain unlike anything I had experienced before. 

It was like falling into the depths of a frozen lake in midwinter. It was like a thousand needles made of ice, slowly, steadily piercing every inch of my body, all the way through. In and out, it burnt with cold. 

And I was trapped. 

Trapped inside my own mind, while a succession of millions of horrible images moved in a frenetic, infernal dance, as sinister, rhythmic, deafening music pounded into my ears.  And as it all happened, I felt something being taken away from me. 

I think I screamed. It seemed the only thing I could do.

I don't know how long it lasted. It seemed like an eternity. All I know is after a while, my senses would finally abandon me, and I would numbly, thankfully fall into the cold, silent, imperturbable darkness again.

I guess it was then when I realized the true meaning of his words.

There are things much worse than death.

***

It happened many times. The exact same sequence of actions. His arrival, the torture, and finally the numb darkness again. Yes, that never changed in all the occasions it took place. But something else changed. Something he couldn't control.

Me.

The first times I completely lost it. I would cry, I would scream…I would close my eyes and prayed that God would be merciful and take my life away. The pain was so intense, so consuming…I wanted to die. That was all I cared about.

But soon, my body and mind weakened, and I finally realized it was no use putting up resistance. No one would answer my pleas for help. The pain wouldn't go away. In fact, I discovered that when I surrendered completely, when I gave myself in to the torment, the pain wasn't that bad. 

So I became passive, almost indifferent to it all. I was in a state in which I had separated my body from my soul almost completely. My spirit was sleeping somewhere very far away, from where I merely watched as my body was harmed. But my soul was still linked to my physical form somehow. I could not die. Still, from where I was I learned many things. I felt things no one shall ever feel. I saw things no one shall ever watch. And I finally got to see what he was doing. 

He wanted my cards. If I concentrate hard enough I can still hear my own screams for them echoing endlessly…

Now, how he was getting them was a mystery. For taking my cards from me is no easy task. Keeping them out of my reach isn't enough. The cards only respond to their mistress.

But still, he was doing something to my inner self. I could tell it was working, because the cards were slowly beginning to belong to him. I lacked the strength to own them, and I found out – with a realization that didn't startle me as much as it should have – that I didn't care anymore. 

What he didn't know, was that he was not taking only the cards. He was also taking my feelings, my heart, my soul…Everything that made me human. Everything that made me the person I am.

At some point, he was evidently done with me. True to his word, he didn't kill me physically. But he killed what was inside of me. And a body cannot live without a soul.

I ceased to exist for the longest of times after he left me alone. There was no pain to remind me I was still alive. But I was still breathing. My heart was still beating. I was suspended somewhere between life and death, trapped, unable to go either way.

Only something happened. Something neither of us had counted on. For some reason, a tiny piece of my heart had survived his torments. And slowly, very slowly it was getting stronger. I began having flashes of distant, peaceful memories. At first, they were incoherent and dim, and caused me great pain. But as time passed, they became more and more insistent and clear. I learned to deal with the pain they caused, for I was getting stronger as well.

One fateful night, all that mind-training resulted in me finally recalling my life before the dammed, half-life I was living then. And those memories warmed up my cold soul. They trespassed the walls I had built around me to avoid the pain. They reminded me that, somewhere, the sun was still shinning. And they brought back my most precious feeling: my love for Syaoran.

For the first time I was free. I felt my soul being released from the limitations of the flesh. I was nothing, yet I was everything. I was pure energy. I soared higher and higher into the sky. There was a warm, loving light ahead of me. I knew it lead to a place where there was no night and no one suffered. Where my deepest wounds would finally heal and I would never get hurt again. I think I identified my mother's voice calling for me, though I have never heard it before.

But I never made it to the light. Something stopped me. I guess he realized I was flying out of his cold grip and brought me back somehow. I felt all faith abandon me once more. I was disheartened. I didn't want to return. I had had my share of life, the good and the bad. And the very bad, too. I was just looking for release now. But it wasn't up to me, I guess.

Once again, then, I was trapped inside my own skin. But my surroundings were different. I found myself at the most beautiful beach. Alone, always alone, though. But I learned to like, to enjoy my solitude. Once more, I began to forget about my feelings. But it was much worse this time. When something is forcefully taken from away you, you'll probably fight for it. But if it's you that slowly, gradually lets it go...the problem goes so much deeper then… I was becoming empty again. Indifferent. And I got used to my new lifestyle. Too used to it, in fact. 

When Syaoran, Eriol and Tomoyo found me…I don't know…I wasn't the normal Sakura, but I was more Sakura than ever. It was like having two different selves, the good and the bad. All the horrible things I said and did were not done by my usual self perhaps, but from another one, the evil one. But both of them are equally me. So again I was faced with an internal battle. The voices in my head were driving me crazy. Paraphrasing Shakespeare, "To be or not to be". In other words, which side should I allow to take over? Now,_ that was the question. My brain struggled to remember and fought against it as well. My heart hesitated, unable to choose sides._

Then of course, something else happened. I remembered lots of things at once. It sent me literally over the edge. My body and mind were exhausted after performing such an unpleasant task. But I was my normal self again. The battles inside me had ceased. The voices were gone, and I could think more clearly. 

I don't know what made me remember. Eriol told me it was something (probably the teddy bear, which held a very special meaning to me) that triggered my mind. But I'm not convinced. I can't quite put my finger on it, but there's more to it than what he said. I don't he's keeping things from me, though. I just think he's missing something as well.

It's useless now to ponder on what it was that made me remember. The point is that I did. I woke up with the feeling I had been drowning slowly, endlessly, and that I was finally able to breathe again. My head ached and it threatened to get worse if I got up, but I had the irrepressible feeling that I needed to fix something I had done wrong. My thoughts immediately went to Syaoran. I managed to find out what had happened and hurried to the hospital where he was. What I found there sent my already horrible conclusions to the trash basket.

It was worse than I could have ever imagined. For he was in a state pretty much like the one I had been in. He was lost in the depths of the void inside him. Just like me, too, he was fighting to free his soul for torment. But unlike me –and this is what terrified me the most – he was succeeding. I panicked. What could I do know? I had done this to him, but I didn't know how to reverse it. So I did what I always do. I tried to talk him out of it.

And this idea proved to be brilliant beyond my wildest dreams.

I swear I did next to nothing. I only told him my true feelings. I just wanted him to wake up so that I could tell him how sorry I was. I told him I loved him wholeheartedly, and I was prepared to do any sacrifices required for his happiness. And it worked. Miraculously, he woke up. 

But that wasn't the biggest of shocks. In fact, the greatest surprise was to know that he didn't want me to leave. After all the terrible things I had done, he still wanted me. How? I couldn't understand. But we talked it over. I realized he had been carrying a burden of guilt that was completely unnecessary – though not unexpected. I then realized, too, that there were some serious issues to be solved in our relationship. Many things have remained unspoken, untouched. We have been fooling ourselves with the illusion of perfection, when there really is no perfection in us. I knew that we needed to go deeper.

But, unfortunately, there was no time for that. _He_ came again, and is now threatening to break the pillars of our now fragile relationship. 

Because we are in Earlington once more. True, it's different this time, but I still don't know if we're strong enough. Now that I have all my memories back, it gives me a broader view. And it's what that view shows that scares me to no end. Because there are only two ways out of this: either we win, or we loose completely. It's our love that holds the key to saves us, but it can destroy us too. 

Now, more than ever, we need to get behind the illusion we've created. We need to speak the words we've never dared to. We have to make our love true. Only that will set us free.

For the truest truth is the one that keeps us together…

…Or the one that keeps us painfully…

…Desperately apart…


	24. Shattered Lies

**Author's Notes:** My finals are finally over! In case you're interested I did really well… (I got a 90 on that Law one that had me worried). Summer's here and I don't have a care in the world until March…when I will start my last year at high school…god, I'm so depressed!

Well, before you read this chapter, I feel like I must warn you that it may be a bit confusing at first. You see, the conversation may be hard to follow because it presents many things that slowly come together in the end. Much like everything I've written, but well…Just thought I should say it. 

Another important thing about this chapter is that I wrote most of it to the heartbreaking rhythm of Mark Snow's "Scully's Theme". More than 5 minutes of a pure piano, this is the saddest and most beautiful song you'll ever know. Download it.

A few messages:

starquestor: You got it right ;) I was sooo hoping a sharp minded x-phile would notice it! The final sentence is indeed Scully's, I just though it fitted so well…I only realized I had forgot to clarify that after I posted. I never write disclaimers, you see. Waste of time. But I don't want to take credit for something that isn't mine. So yeah, last sentence in final chapter does _not_ belong to me. It rightfully belongs to the scriptwriters of the incredible, amazing, fabulous show, "The X-Files".

Anime Queen: Right on track, as usual. More explanations to come in future chapters, though I think this one may enlighten you a bit.

Thanks a lot for your support both with the fanfic and with my finals! A special apology to Laura for taking so long. 

One more thing, you guys. If you are not a registered member of ff.net, leave your e-mail and I promise I'll mail you when I post new things.

Enjoy!

"I'll Say Goodbye for the Two of Us: When the Truth Breaks the Silence"

Part Twenty-Four: "Shattered Lies"

By cherry blossom

**Syaoran's POV**

At first, I didn't notice the spell had been removed. I still felt like in a trance. I could only concentrate on two things: the burning sensation in my eyes, which were filled with tears, and the powerful force that was tugging at my heart, apparently trying to break it. Disbelief was the leading feeling at the moment, it was all there was.

It just couldn't be. I could not accept that a real, living, breathing person could have endured such torture. Especially not Sakura. _Sakura, for God's sake! Who could tolerate hurting such an innocent soul?_

Sakura opened her eyes. She turned her gaze to mine. Her look…I had to blink several times before I could manage to hold it. Storms were swirling inside her eyes. Fearful, tortured, desperately clinging to the last bit of hope. _Tell me it wasn't real, they read. I drew in a shaky breath. But there was no need to reply. She could tell right away._

Suddenly, all the light seemed to vanish from her eyes. They became hazy and numb. Her mouth parted in a silent scream. She crossed her arms in a desperate attempt to keep herself together. For a long second, I could only stare at her, as the tugging in my heart got worse. Luckily, I regained my senses quickly.

In one, swift move I seized her and pulled her into a hug. She offered no resistance, but merely hid her face in my chest. I closed my arms around her tightly, for she felt so distant again. I could feel the tears in my eyes now rolling down my cheeks.

"Please, Sakura…don't let go now…" I whispered in her ear. My voice was trembling as much as her skinny, fragile form was.

"I can't stand it, Syaoran…" she whispered back weakly. Her voice had lost all feeling. "I can't stand knowing what happened…"

"Please," I cried, feeling as if my heart was about to explode. "Stay with me. Don't seal yourself again…You don't have to go through this alone!" I gently pulled her a bit apart, so that I could see her face. Her eyes were completely blank, devoid of all feeling.

"I'm sorry, Syaoran…it hurts too much…" she replied softly. Fear ran through me as a weird sense of _déjà vu_ settled in my heart. It was all happening again. She was falling once more. But I wouldn't let her this time. Whatever it took, I wouldn't leave her alone.

"No! I won't allow you to do this to yourself!" I tightened my grip on her shoulders. "You have to react, Sakura! You can't keep running away from it!" I shook her gently and finally appreciated some change. The pronounced sadness returned to her eyes. Raw fear flashed through them as well. 

"I don't know if I can…" she confessed, as a single tear escaped her eyes. "The pain…you have no idea…"

I knew she wasn't implying anything with those last words, but I couldn't help but feel them as a slap in the face. What right did I have to force her to go through this again? How could I even compare my grief to the one she had been through?

"Listen, Sakura…" My voice was having a hard time getting past my throat. "If it was within my power, I would erase all those painful memories. If I could, I would carry the cross you're bearing all the way. But as much as I hate to admit it…" I lifted her chin, for she had deliberately lowered her sight. "…I can't. The only thing I can do is abide the pain _with_ you…" She squeezed her eyes shut, as if only the mention of the word was already hurting her. I didn't doubt it was.

"You would find a way…and I can't do that to you, Syaoran…" she murmured, and I noticed something different in her expression. Aside from everything she was feeling at the moment, there was concern written all over her face. Concern for me?

She visibly took a step away from me. That gesture alone gave another sharp twinge to my heart. But I didn't advance. For the first time I accepted her willing separation. Instead, I settled to ask the question that had tormented me ever since this nightmare first began.

"Why not?" I asked in a low voice, as I felt tortured sadness and miscomprehension rise inside me. I just didn't get it. I couldn't fully understand how she felt, why she said the things she said, why she was looking at me in the way she was… "Why can't you share this with me? Why do you have to put yourself through this alone?" I felt a lump form in my throat. All I really wanted to do was to sit by myself and just cry and cry until there were no more tears left. But I knew I couldn't. I wasn't a child anymore. I had to be strong. For her. For me. For _us._

A pained, anguished whimper escaped Sakura's lips as her eyes shone due to the unshed tears in them. I remained silent as she simply breathed for a few moments. Watching her drift apart was like a slow, agonizing torture. 

"I fear for you…" Suddenly, unexpectedly, her soft, timid voice reached my ears.

_What?!_

I allowed myself a look of bewilderment. She just wasn't making any sense to me. Sakura caught the hint and elaborated.

"I'm scared, Syaoran. Scared because I know what will happen if I let you into the situation…" she continued quietly, as if a louder tone would actually break the words. I found myself unwillingly – but inevitably – starting to get angry at her. I had no idea where that had come from, but I couldn't help feeling that way.

"And what might that be?" As soon as I had spoken those words I regretted ever doing so. My tone came out harsher than I had intended to, and Sakura visibly winced at it. Immediately, I opened my mouth to apologize but she stopped me with a gesture of her hand.

"Syaoran, with you there isn't anything that even slightly resembles the sharing of pain," She paused, and smiled sadly at my confusion. "Whenever things have gone wrong, whenever there was blame to be taken…You always make sure that all the bad things are your fault, that you bear all the pain…"

"What's wrong with that?" I asked stubbornly. The conversation was taking a _very off beam turn._

"Please, don't take this the wrong way-" she whispered, but I didn't let her finish.

"Don't you get it? I only do it because you're more important to me than myself! I can't stand seeing you suffer…Your pain hurts me more than mine…" Again I felt my eyes burning up as I tried to hold back the tears, but to no avail. I felt sick to my stomach. The whole situation was making me physically ill. Why couldn't she see how much I loved her?

Sakura bit her lip, succeeding this time in holding back a cry. It made me even angrier. Why was she keeping everything to herself? Why was she lengthening the distance between us? She opened her mouth to say something, but I didn't even let her begin this time.

"Please…I can't stand you being so apart…" I whispered as tears blurred my vision and she became no more than a vague form. My voice then adopted an angry, panicked tone. I merely couldn't conceive the idea of losing her all over again. "Can't you see that I can't live without you? Can't you see that I can't _breathe without you?!" I felt my knees weaken. Tears were pouring down my cheeks relentlessly. I didn't even have enough strength to keep myself together…how was I supposed to protect her too? Was this why she was distancing herself again?_

"Syaoran, I'm not distancing myself from you!" she cried angrily. I blinked. Had she read my mind? 

"I don't want to be without you either! Don't you know that? Don't you know how much I love you?" Her voice broke. My eyes widened.

"But then-"

"Hasn't it ever occurred to you," she interrupted me with a whisper, "that I can't bear to see you in pain either? The self-blame thing you have…it hurts more than anything. Because I may be able to save you from almost anything…but I'm afraid I've never been able to save you from yourself…"

I was completely taken aback by this answer. What was she talking about?

"This whole experience has taught me many things. Firstly, that our bond is as vital to us as the air that we breathe. And that bond is what makes us both so strong and vulnerable at the same time. And _he_ has known this all along…he took advantage of our weaknesses…he has seen past the illusion of our relationship and into the real thing…"

This answer was a shocker. But what surprised me even more, in a sad, longing way, was the look in her eyes when she said those things. I could see newly gained wisdom in them, but not a trace of the innocence they once held. 

"What do you mean with illusion?" I questioned simply. At this point there was no use arguing.

"Syaoran, we've been fooling ourselves ever since we first started dating. Think about it…do you remember ever having a fight?" she asked sadly.

"What's wrong with that?" I asked as I became painfully aware of the physical distance between us. She was exactly one step out of my reach.

"Even people who fit so well with each other are bound to have their differences…and we have had them. We've just never spoken them out-"

"I remember an argument!" I interrupted triumphally. I didn't like what she was saying at all and I was determined to prove her wrong. "The night we had the dream…we had an argument…I remember…"

"I haven't forgotten it either, Syaoran," she said delicately. Again I noticed the cool, calculated perception in her eyes. The one that could only be gained with experience…experience of terrible things. "Do you remember when the argument ended?"

I shook my head, and dreaded what she would say next.

"It ended when I stopped insisting something was wrong…when we chose to forget the whole incident…" Sakura lowered her eyes sadly. I opened my mouth to say something, but no words came out.

"Listen, Syaoran…" she said in a voice that was barely above a whisper. "You said I couldn't keep running away from what happened, but I'm not doing so. It's you who has been running all along. I know it's hard, but you have to face that things have changed…" Sakura let her gaze fall upon mine. Her lips curved into a small, sad smile.

"I don't want them to…" I said helplessly. "I don't like not being able to protect you. I don't like how your eyes seem to have lost their innocence…I want things back the way they were…"

"We can't do that. We have to deal with the truth. We have to learn from our mistakes. I will never doubt to tell you everything again…But you have to promise you won't try to take all the pain upon yourself…"

"Sakura-"

"Promise me," she said as firmly as she could, though her voice was trembling, "that we'll share everything – the good and the bad – from now on…"

I gazed into her deep, evergreen eyes. Fear, hurt, anguish…many emotions were there. But I could also see determination. My will faltered. I felt a battle between my two primordial instincts: to make her happy and to protect her. If I promised, I would be giving her what she wanted, but it would mean breaking the protective bubble I had been building carefully throughout the years. If I didn't promise, it would be the other way around.

 "Syaoran," she said gently, and closed the distance between us. "It's ok not to be perfect. Us…our relationship…" she bit her lip. "We change. We grow. We learn. What happened…it has left a permanent stain upon me…upon _us_. That trace will never vanish. It won't go away. But if we face this," she took my hands in her own. "If we face this together we will be able to wear the mark and move on…"

I was speechless. Her words were finally starting to make some sort of sense. They were coming together like pieces in a big puzzle. But many of my questions still hadn't been answered.

"You said you feared what would happen if I took the situation upon myself. Why now? Why is different than any other thing we've been through? Why are you telling me this now?" I inquired softly.

"That has been my mistake all along. To let you always be the one in charge of both you and me. As much as I love you and appreciate your concern, I now realize it's been unfair for you all the way. My life is my own responsibility, not yours…"

"But Sakura-"

"This is the conversation we had been having right before _he brought us here. We didn't get a chance to finish it then, but we should now…"_

I merely nodded. It seemed she wouldn't let me talk until she had had her say.

"Since we first met, you've always been the one to protect me. Even when you didn't like me, even when I was nothing but a child standing in your way to collect the cards…even back then you made sure nothing happened to me. I liked the way it felt. I felt safe. I knew nothing would ever hurt me as long as you were with me. I guess I just never thought there would come the day when we wouldn't be together anymore…" There was such a look upon her face…it made my insides squirm with pain. I wanted to say something…anything…but I didn't. I felt as if I were under a spell again. Like when I saw her vivid memories…only this time I was taking an honest, true look into her heart.

"But we did…because of my own foolishness, I stepped right into a trap. You see, for the first time in my life, I was offered the chance to do something of importance. I felt powerful and independent, and both were new and appealing things to me. It was the choice between what was right and what was easy, and for once I wanted to be able to choose the right thing on my own. When I realized I was wrong it was already too late…" her voice trailed off a bit. "But that's not the point. The thing is, Syaoran, that I abandoned the protection you offered without knowing how vulnerable I really was…It's like any bad habit, it gets worse with time until you depend completely on it. You see, I depended completely on you. And he has known it all along…all he had to do was lure me out of your protection…"

"Why are you telling me all this, Sakura?" I said softly. Her words were hard, but they spoke of such truth I didn't dare block them out.

"I need you to understand why we must change the way we've been facing things. Because the hardest thing to realize was that our relationship didn't fall apart because of what happened with him. It had begun falling long before…because of the silence in it. Time has come for us to be brave…for us to see past the fairy-tale romance and into reality. We _need_ to face the truth, and only the truth will set us free…"

And then I got it. I finally understood the implications of what she was saying. We had always been blind to the reality surrounding us. We had always lived in our own world in some way. But Sakura suddenly stepped out of it, and realized what was going on. I remained in my fantasy land. Sakura was now taking my hand and pulling me out to the real world. She was guiding me, leading me, teaching me, like she always has. I was fooling myself about it being the other way around. It has been her who has been saving me all along.

I looked into her eyes and felt the sudden urge to smile. So I did. I closed the distance between us, still holding her gaze. I felt as if a thick, invisible, annoying wall between us had just fallen down. And it was such an incredible feeling. This was what she alone had seen, what she alone had discovered the hard way. And now we would be sharing it.

"I'm scared, Sakura," I admitted. We were so close I could feel her breath on my face. "I've always been scared of new things…"

"You won't be alone…" she replied tenderly. "We will learn things together…"

"You were wrong about one thing, though," I whispered, my face so close to hers that our lips nearly brushed.

"Was I?" she whispered back, closing her eyes.

"You _have been saving me from myself, Sakura. All along…"_

Our lips met as I put my arms around her waist. She put hers around my neck. For a moment everything fell into place perfectly. The world just faded away while we held each other. Our connection was deeper that I could have ever imagined, and it felt so well, so right…

So true.

But our momentary bliss was shattered the next instant.

"Took you long enough, young one," a cold, high-pitched voice said smoothly. "This will make battle much more interesting…"


	25. Confrontation

**Me:** Sorry for the long wait! I had a terrible case of writer's block!

**Syaoran:** Oh, there it is! Her all-time favorite excuse…!

**Eriol:** I was wondering how long it'd be until we heard the sad tale again…

**Me:** *ignores them* I even considered abandoning the story altogether, but I find myself unable to move on to new projects if I have one unfinished!

**Eriol:** You know, Li, I think I might even cry at this…

**Me:** Oh, stop complaining! *focuses her attention on reviewers again* Anyway, I'll be moving a bit faster than usual in these last chapters. Of course I won't rush things, you know I'm unable to do so, but the slowness of this fic is boring me greatly. 

**Syaoran:** Now _there's_ something I never thought I'd hear! Will you pay attention to reviews and put a little more romance and action to the story? When I'm I going to get the chance to do a fight scene?

**Me:** *frowns* If you keep complaining I may just loose my mind and end this all right here. _Badly_.

**Syaoran:** *slightly afraid* You wouldn't dare! She wouldn't dare, right Eriol?

**Eriol:** I wouldn't put it past her…

**Me:** Shut up and you won't have to worry about it. Now, to my reviewers: many of you keep pressing for more information about _him. Yes, I do understand your frustration on not even having a name, but it is all for a reason._

**Syaoran:** She keeps saying that stuff, but I'm not buying a word of it.

**Me:** *glares at Syaoran* In this chapter you may be enlightened about it slightly, but don't worry-

**Eriol and Syaoran:** -_further explanations will be given in future chapters._

**Eriol:** It's the same story, again and again and again…

**Me:** *uses the Silent Card against them* Anyhow, I hope you guys like this chapter and thanks a lot for your comments. You truly get me going!

"I'll Say Goodbye for the Two of Us: When the Truth Breaks the Silence"

Part Twenty-Five: "Confrontation"

By cherry blossom

**Sakura's POV**

Petrified, for lack of a better word, is the best way to describe it.

Now that all my memories had surfaced, now that I knew the horrors he was capable of, the fear mounted to unimaginable scales. 

I stood still, paralyzed. We were immersed in the thickest of silences. Because of that, I suddenly became very aware of every change going through my body. I could clearly feel my heart beating fast, irregularly, almost apprehensively at the sight of him. I could feel cold sweat running through my back. I could hear my own ragged, shallow breathing. 

"What's wrong, sweet child? Aren't you happy to see me?" _he said in mock-care. I didn't answer. I wasn't prepared to face him. Everything was still too raw, too fresh… My lower lip trembled as I gasped for breath. I felt Syaoran tense beside me._

"Cut the crap," he said coldly, and I admired how he didn't seem one bit afraid. Of course, it was probably his fury that didn't leave room for fear. "Who are you?"

"That is not important-"

"It is to me!" interrupted Syaoran. "I want to know whose ass I'm gonna kick."

_He_ clicked his tongue disapprovingly. "Now where are you manners, young one?" he said shaking his head. "I think you need to be taught a lesson…" 

Syaoran opened his mouth to say something, but his words got caught in his throat as he was hit by some invisible force. He dropped down to his knees, a hand to his heart, breathing heavily. I panicked.

"Syaoran! Are you ok?" I whispered, terrified. Syaoran was unable to answer, and I could imagine how excruciating his pain must be.

"Please, stop! Don't hurt him!" I cried, while I tried to hold Syaoran close to me, to make him know I was there for him. He only squirmed under my touch.  
"Now _that's _more like it," _he said, and in that instant Syaoran managed to compose himself. Scared as I was, it came to me with startling realization that I had been able to speak to_ him_ for the first time since we had arrived here. I decided it was better I handled the conversation instead of Syaoran, who was still on his knees, catching his breath._

"W-why are you doing this? Why m-me?" I stuttered. I realized one thing was to let out an impulsive, desperate plea, and a very different one to maintain a conversation.

"Why do you want to know? Wouldn't you prefer it to be over quickly? It might even be painless…" _he_ replied calmly. 

"W-what are you planning to do? Why have you brought me here again?" I asked, tears in my eyes. I glanced at Syaoran, who looked very upset about not being able to speak, but still was unable to. 

"Oh, Sakura…it is really you who has brought this upon yourself!" My name on his lips…It was too awful, too horrible…

"What do you mean?" I whispered. Was this really my fault, as I had suspected all along?

"This wouldn't have been necessary if you hadn't recovered your memories…I was going to kill you as soon as I was finished with you the first time…but for some reason I found myself unable to do so. You had the brightest, most pure soul I had ever possessed before-"

"What do you mean by possessed?" Syaoran finally seemed to recover his voice. He got on his feet, wincing visibly, but radiating determination.

_He_ narrowed his eyes. "I see you haven't learnt much. Perhaps another-"

"No!" I interrupted. "Please, don't!"

_He_ and Syaoran stared at each other with expressions of utmost hate, but then _he _removed his sight from Syaoran and placed it upon me. I shuddered. It felt like being drenched in cold rain when he looked at me.

"Have you possessed souls before? Is that what you do?" I asked timidly. Even though his answers were freaking me out, I forced my mind to stay cool. I needed to know more things before I decided what kind of approach we should use to end this finally. I could see the corners of _his_ mouth twitch slightly, and a horrible suspicion came upon me: could he read my mind? 

I half-expected him to say so the second I formulated the thought, but he didn't. I felt a bit of hope run through me. Maybe, just maybe, we had a chance. I gathered as much courage as I could and looked into his horrible, cold eyes. It was a surprise to see he was surveying me with a look that edged affection, though almost expertly hidden. _Affection?_ If that was correct, then I needed a new approach.

"Why did you let me go the first time?" I whispered, and squeezed Syaoran's hand when I noticed he was about to say something.

"There was no point in killing you. I don't do anything without purpose," _he replied. If he had seemed urgent to get things done before, now he appeared to be enjoying the conversation. I could feel Syaoran staring at me, wanting to exchange glances, but I somehow knew it was important that I didn't pay attention to anything but __him. _

"Why do you need my soul?" I asked suddenly, without even thinking what I was saying. "Don't you have one of your own?" I didn't know where those words had come from. I didn't even notice I was speaking until I heard my own voice. But apparently it was a big mistake.

A sudden change took over _him_. The look in his eyes vanished immediately, and it was replaced by fury and utmost hate. Strangely, the hate didn't seem directed to me or to Syaoran.

"I don't have to answer any of your questions!" _he_ stated coldly and began murmuring incantations under his breath. I could feel the tension in the air and I instantly knew he was more powerful that I could have ever imagined.

"You don't…" I said softly, sadly. "That's why you take them from other people."

_His_ muttering got harsher and faster, and his eyes unleashed his rage upon me. The air around us began to move, turning into a cold wind. I knew he was about to curse us, or worse. I knew I should prepare myself for attack, get out my cards, get into a stance, do the things Syaoran always told me to do when in battle. But I couldn't. As comprehension began dawning on me, all I could think about was that I _had to know more. I_ had_ to understand. It was as if a light had been turned on in my head, and now I couldn't stop._

"You _are no one," I continued, still holding his gaze, and for the first time I felt something other than fear when I looked at him: I felt an unexplainable sense of pity. "That's why you got so angry when Syaoran asked you who you are." _

By then, the wind had turned so violent and strong I was having trouble standing still. _He was still murmuring maniacally, his fists balled and shaking with fury. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Syaoran contemplating _him_ with the same mixture of horrified realization and undeniable pity. _

"You weren't always like this, were you?" I asked softly, and the wind swept my words away, but I was sure he could hear me anyway. "A long time ago, you weren't very different from what I am…"

Again, the words were pouring out of my mouth without being thoughts previously. I had no idea where all these things were coming from, but I knew at once they were all correct. 

"Stop it! I don't have to hear you!" _he_ screamed, outraged. But it didn't have any effect on me. I kept shaking my head in pity.

"I can help you. I can-"

But I never got a chance to finish what I was saying. Once again, I had the sensation of falling into a cold, bottomless pit. As everything went dark around me I could feel Syaoran holding tightly onto me, and for a mere instant I saw a flash of blinding light. 

It was the last I saw.

***

**Syaoran's POV**

_Syaoran…Syaoran…_

I could hear a voice calling, but it felt so far away. I struggled at the edge of consciousness. It would be so easy just to let go…

"Syaoran!" I felt small hands tugging at me, shaking me awake. I knew in an instant that I had to snap out of it and help her. But my body wasn't complying. On the contrary, it was taking its sweet time. I wanted so badly to react, but it was like being a spectator to an annoying, endless slow-motion movie. 

Slowly, steadily, I began recovering my senses. As that happened, I noticed an increasing pain on my chest, just below my heart. A burning sensation, but unlike any other burn I had suffered. It burned with cold…did that make any sense at all?

"Syaoran, please…" she cried, and it was one of her tears on my face, that made me regain my senses completely. The burn had intensified to such an unbearable point I had to bit my tongue not to scream out loud.

"I'm fine," I said tiredly, through clenched teeth. My Sakura didn't buy it for a single second.

"No, you're not!" she whispered harshly. "You shouldn't have taken that long to awake…"

"What are you talking about? I've only been unconscious for…what? Couple of minutes?" I replied dismissively. I made my first attempt at getting up, but failed miserably. Sakura was shaking her head frantically. 

"Syaoran, you've been out for an hour minimum! I don't have a watch, but it's been an hour to say the least! Not to mention the time _I've been out, which is impossible to discern!" she replied sharply. Her lower lip was trembling badly, and though she managed to hide it by biting it, I didn't cease to notice that her right hand (which was currently on my arm) was shaking too._

"What happened? How did we get here?" I asked, quickly changing the subject. With so much going on, I didn't think it would be wise to let her know about the weird feelings inside me.

"The thing is, Syaoran, I'm not really sure we've moved at all…" she said softly. "I can't see where we are, but I don't feel we're somewhere different than before _he…" She stopped in mid-sentence, but I didn't need her to finish it._

I nodded.

"Has anything else happened after that?" I asked, succeeding this time in sitting while she wiped away her tears. The horrible sensation had redeemed a bit, but I was anxiously suspicious it wouldn't keep going that way.

"No…it's been very quiet. I've been trying to wake you, but-"

"Are you sure? What is the last you remember?" I interrupted, not wanting her to dwell on the last subject again.

"A flash of white light," she said at once. "I saw it right after he disappeared, before I blacked out."

I looked at her, puzzled. A flash? I remember as much as _him disappearing, and it wasn't with a flash that he did so. So it must have been something else…but what?_

"You didn't see it?" she asked slowly. "But it was blinding! It filled the whole room…you must have seen it!"

"Maybe it was after I blacked out…maybe you passed out after I did," I said quickly, but I had the feeling we had gone out at the exact same time. And I knew she was thinking exactly what I was…Her seeing things I didn't wasn't good. At all.

"Well, I don't think we should waste more time on that subject," she said, though a bit reluctantly. "I think the most pressing matter is how to get out of here."

"Did you try anything while I was out?" I asked after I nodded. Surprisingly, a faint blush appeared over Sakura's angelic face as she lowered her eyes.

"I was too afraid to get lost in the dark…I didn't know if I would be able to find my way back to you," she whispered. I mentally punched myself for not waking up when she did. _Of course she'd be afraid, you idiot_, I told myself. _What did you expect?_

"It's Ok…it was wise of you to do so…I really don't know what to expect of this place…" I said softly while I lifted her face so that she'd look at me once again. She responded to my words with a small smile and a hand squeeze.

"You know," I continued, trying to ignore the burn that was once again rising in me, "it's weird how I cannot see a thing about the place where we're standing – well, sitting on – but, nonetheless, I can see myself and you with perfect clarity."

Something like recognition flashed in her eyes, but she nodded mutely.

"Do you know what this reminds me of?" I asked her. 

"The Dark Card," she whispered, and surprisingly I saw a fearful, worried expression cross her face for a moment. 

"What is it? All we need to do is use the Light Card and it'll all dissolve into-" I began, but cut myself off when she took my hand an placed it over her neck. At first I didn't know what she intended. The pain inside me seared so harshly, for a moment it prevented me from thinking clearly. But, when our eyes met, the horrible realization came upon me.

"It's gone," she said, and her voice was so soft I had to strain my ears to hear her. "I don't know when it happened, but I have this odd feeling it's been gone for long…"

I opened my mouth, but I was too startled to say anything. I knew immediately, too, that her Key to the Sakura Cards had been missing for a long time.

"I don't understand…how come we never…?" she said, but it seemed her question was directed to herself more than to me.

_Indeed_, I thought,_ how could we not notice?_ Another answerless question to the increasing list. A thought suddenly struck me. How could the Dark Card, if it indeed was what we were facing, act against its Mistress? Unless-

"No," spoke Sakura's firmly. "Not the Dark Card. I know he didn't."

"So this isn't _him_ using the Dark Card against us, is it?" I asked tentatively. Sakura shook her head. "Then what is it?"

"I don't know," she replied. "Something else." I could see she was thinking as hard as I was on the subject.

"Do you still have the Light Card with you?" I asked her.

"Yes, but I can't summon it!" I could hear a note of panic in her voice. 

"Calm down, Sakura…" I said gently and placed my arms or her shoulders comfortingly. The moment I touched her, the burning sensation increased to the maximum point so far. I had to use all of my will-power not to let her go that very moment.

She saw me flinch.

"Syaoran-kun? Are you all right?" she asked. I nodded firmly and removed my hands casually, apparently to take my bangs out of my eyes. She was still looking at me fixedly, but it didn't seem as if she shared the same suspicion I was dreadfully contemplating: that, somehow, the horrible burn had something to do with her touch. 

"Listen, if we can't use the Cards, we will have to find another way to get out of here," I said quickly, amending my silence. "I say we start walking – together, of course – and see if we can find a way out."

Sakura raised an eyebrow, as if unsure this would work at all, but she didn't object. I knew the plan was lame, but I needed more time to think about what was going on. If we started hunting for that door, we would have to be silent, giving me the opportunity to reflect on my thoughts more deeply.

I slowly put my hand on the small of her back, preparing myself for the horrible sensation that would come upon me. I was more than surprised when it didn't.

"Syaoran?"

I began walking, leading her gently. Sakura's arms were luckily crossed in front of her, and she did not attempt to touch me. As we strode along the thick darkness I pondered on the last events. If my memory was correct (and I was pretty sure it was), the burning had increased every time we had touched. Why was this particular time different?

I distractedly began tracing little circles on her back with my forefinger, purely out of habit. My finger slid across the thin cotton, feeling her cold skin beneath, and I wished I had a jacket to offer her. Suddenly, it dawned me. The fabric! The burn had only increased when our skins had touched! The theory was so simple it had me convinced at once. But there was only one way to prove it. 

Reluctantly, I swept her bangs away from her eyes. As I did so, I casually brushed her skin with my hand. I felt the burn immediately. In my opinion, that settled it. Now all I had to do was figure out why this was happening and how to make it stop. _Good thinking, Einstein, I told myself ironically. _You've obviously left the easiest part for the end!__

"Syaoran…" Sakura's soft voice interrupted my thoughts. I looked at her.

"I think I can feel a doorknob."

The answer seemed completely out of place until I remembered the theoretical reason why we were taking this walk.

"A doorknob?" I asked, astounded. Who would have thought this would work?

Sakura nodded. "Shall I open it?" she asked.

"No, let me do it," I replied quickly. I put my hand were hers had been a second ago and, sure enough, felt the shape of a doorknob. I held my breath, inevitably wondering if this was a trap. Sakura was apparently on the same line of thoughts, for she simply announced, 

"But we don't have another choice."

I nodded one last time before I turned it, and a bright light came in, blinding us…

***

**AN:** You don't really think it'll be that simple, do you? 


	26. Silence

**Author's Notes:** I can't believe how long it's been…Well, actually, I can. Either I didn't feel like writing, or revising, or didn't have the time to do so, but the fact remains that this is the most inconsistent story I've written. I wish I could promise I'll hurry and finish it, or even promise I'll try, but it would be a lie. 

This is not an easy story to write for many reasons, starting from the fact that I don't even like what it's become anymore… Someday I will take this project and rewrite it completely, using everything I've learned. But in the meantime, I must warn you that I may not continue. Perhaps I'll surprise you with a new chapter every now and then, but I can't make any promises on how fast I'll post. However, I do have other CCS projects I'm excited about, and you'll probably see one of them soon.

I'm really sorry if I'm letting you guys down, you've been amazing through this whole experience. I hope you'll forgive me for my lack of enthusiasm over this story, and for the time it may take to finish it.

You may have noticed I've changed my penname…well, to tell you the truth, I wasn't thrilled to be "cherry blossom2"…I chose this new name for many reasons and didn't want to change it until I finished this story, but…Well, I'd explain again, but I'd just be repeating myself. Still, every single chapter of "When the Truth Breaks the Silence" will be signed by the same name it started with, even if the display on ff.net is another.

Nothing else to add…read along…

"I'll Say Goodbye for the Two of Us: When the Truth Breaks the Silence"

Part Twenty-Six: "Silence" 

By cherry blossom

**Syaoran's POV**

It took a while for my eyes to adjust to the light, but when they did I had to bit my tongue to prevent myself from yelling. Shock was sure turning into something of a custom.

We were once again in the island where we had found Sakura. But it was different. The island of the past had been bright and heavenly-looking, a true paradise, at least in appearance. Now, even though the physical structure of the isle hadn't changed, there was something not quite right about it. Everything was still the exact same way it used to be, down to the last tree, but the sunshine that poured on to us made it all seem dissimilar. It shone coldly, deadly between the rustling leaves of the trees. Sakura shivered. I knew she was probably thinking what I was.

"That was too easy…" she whispered as she looked around. I noticed her gaze fell upon the blue-green sea. There was something unnerving about it too, though I couldn't quite put my finger on it.

Silence fell between us as we were each lost in our own thoughts. I tried to force my mind to come up with a plan to get us out of here, but it seemed to have a will of its own. All I could think about was what happened every time our skins touched…

"What do you think we should do next?" Sakura suddenly said. With apparent difficulty, she tore her gaze away from the sea and looked at me instead.

"Hmm…" I mumbled helplessly. I knew she was expecting a simple plan, like the one that had got us out of that room. How was I to tell her it had been plain luck what had saved us?

Sakura, however, didn't seem disturbed by my lack of response. Her eyes wandered through the scenery around us once again.

"I can't think straight, Syaoran…" she whispered sadly. "This place holds too many unhappy memories for me…"

"Sakura…"

"And it's that feeling again," she continued blankly. "As if this whole place was trying to swallow me…"

"Sakura, what…?"

Her deep sigh cut me short. If she had heard me at all, she was ignoring me. 

"I feel suffocated," she ended simply, and closed her eyes as if by that simple gesture it would all magically go away.

At that very moment, there was nothing I wanted more than to put my arms around her and assure her everything would be all right. But I felt a burn at the mere thought of it, and I really didn't know how much longer I could take it. 

Instead, I put my hands on her waist (which was securely covered by her light cotton sundress) and pulled her as close as I dared.

"We'll make it, Sakura," I assured her softly. "I promise we'll get through this."

She gave me a small smile and nodded. It was disheartening how unconvinced she looked.

"Listen, I'm not Eriol and I can't get us out of here with a wave of my hand. But I'm positive we'll return home once we deal with _him_," I reasoned. "So all we have to do is find him."

Sakura nodded. "Yes, but where should we look?"

"Well…" I began, unsure. "The coast seems pretty clear. I think we should probably look for him…in the forest, maybe?"

"I don't have a better plan," she replied, shrugging her shoulders. 

Once again, to avoid the possibility of holding hands, I put my hand on the small of her back. In silence, we began walking towards the forest, unaware at the time that it would be the last time we'd walk the island together.

***

If the coast had been eerie, the forest was worse. The trees were so close to each other, and their tops so thick, hardly any light came in. The darkness around us wasn't complete, but it was enough to prevent us from seeing what laid a couple of steps ahead.

"Syaoran!" Sakura exclaimed suddenly. "Why don't we use your Lazing Board to know where _he_ is? I know he's not a Card, but it might work!"

I slapped my forehead. Of course! How could I be so stupid? I concentrated and conjured the Board. Over the years, I had learnt how to do it, so as not to have to carry it always with me.

Nothing happened.

I tried again, this time concentrating all my energies on making it appear…

…but nothing happened.

I cast a worried look at Sakura. Either my Lazing Board had been destroyed, or my magic wasn't working. None of the options seemed too appealing, but I was more concerned about the latter, which, of course, felt suspiciously the correct one.

"Why am I not surprised?" asked Sakura, shaking her head. I bit my lip.

"Well, we'll have to trust our instincts, I guess," I offered lamely as I resumed our walking, gently leading Sakura.

A few more minutes passed before I realized the burning sensation in me was rapidly increasing. And this time it had nothing to do with Sakura's touch. Was it possible that it increased as we neared _him_? If it was, then we were definitely on the right track.

I must have been wearing a pained expression, for Sakura suddenly stopped walking and faced me.

"What is it, Syaoran? I know there's something wrong with you!" she accused, narrowing her eyes. I put on my most placid expression.

"What do you mean? I'm fine!" I replied, but she shook her head disbelievingly.

"Did the talk we had have absolutely no effect on you? Didn't you hear a thing I said?" she demanded.

I winced, but this time it was more due to the look in her bright evergreen eyes than to the pain.

"I would have thought," she continued, the softest trace of anger in her voice, "that you wouldn't hesitate to tell me the truth. What are you trying to do?"

I lowered my eyes. She was so right about everything. I guess I had kept the unpleasant information away from her out of habit. But I had to tell her now.

"Well?" she asked.

"I…Sakura, ever since I woke up I've been having this weird sensation…" I began reluctantly. "It's a like a burn, but cold at the same time…does that make any sense?"

Surprisingly, Sakura nodded vehemently and muttered something that sounded like 'plenty'.

"Well, it was bearable most of the time. But it increased every time you…I mean, every time I…well, every time our skins touched."

I closed my eyes so as not to see Sakura's horrified expression, but to no avail, for when I opened them again she was still wearing it.

"That's not all," I continued softly, dreading it, but determined to do things right this time. "It's also been increasing steadily since we took this route."

"Then we shall take another!" she announced immediately. She was about to take my hand and lead me backwards when she remembered what I had just said. Instead, she imitated me by placing her hand on my back and pushing me. I didn't budge.

"The problem is, Sakura," I said slowly, "that I think it burns because we are nearing him. Which means this is the path we have to take…"

"It doesn't mean anything!" she contradicted me in a strained voice. "_He_ may be doing it because he knows you'd react that way!"  
I shook my head sadly. "I know what I feel. And I know you feel it too, Sakura…"

She sighed and squeezed her eyes shut. I took the opportunity to grimace in pain as much as I pleased while she couldn't see me. 

"Then I'll have to go on alone…" she stated firmly. 

"No way!" I replied at once. "I've been holding up fine, and will continue to!"

"But Syaoran-"

"You can't dissuade me," I said firmly. "And you can't force me to do so either. We will continue together even if I have to take you kicking and screaming all the way. And you _know_ I'm capable of that."

A solitary tear escaped Sakura's eyes. I yearned to wipe it away, but I didn't dare touch her.

"Besides…" I continued in a whisper, "you know we have to face this together. It's the only way we will defeat him…"

"Why does it have to be so difficult?" she asked. Her voice was so soft the words didn't seem to stir the air. "I'm sick and tired of this situation…"

"It will all be over soon, Sakura."

I don't know what possessed me to say those words, but there was an undeniable certainty in them.

The certainty that – for better or worse – it was all drawing steadily, inevitably towards the end.

***

**Sakura's POV**

So many thoughts whirled through my mind, it was the same as not thinking at all. My head felt like a no-exit maze of worries. Worries about Syaoran and about the destiny that was awaiting us as well.

The truth was that, no matter how much he insisted he was fine, Syaoran was getting worse every step we took. He was unnaturally pale, breathing heavily and walking unsteadily. And the worst part of all was that there was nothing I could do to help him. I couldn't even hold his hand for comfort.

As we got deeper and deeper into the woods, I noticed an increasing coldness began to take over us. And it wasn't just something to be felt exteriorly. It was a chill that got under your skin, that froze the blood in your veins, that brought a heavy, oppressive feeling to your heart. 

The air around us was still and silent, and filled with tension. I felt as if a million eyes were watching our every step. As if every part of the scenery around us was quietly, patiently waiting. Along with the cold, a sharp, blinding, irrational animal fear began to take over me. Every breath seemed like a tremendous effort…it was suffocating.

"This way," Syaoran suddenly said. He took a turn to the left and winced as he did. I licked my lips nervously. I hated feeling so helpless. I wanted to do something – anything – but there was just no solution.

I'm not sure how much longer it went on. Personally I think it's ridiculous to measure time in hours, minutes and seconds. Whoever said time was impersonal was definitely wrong. Time goes by differently for ever person, for every situation, for every feeling. I don't think there's anything more subjective than it.

Our walk through the forest is, thus, impossible to time. To me it felt both like an eternity and a mere second. Maybe time stood still then, so it really was just a second that lasted an eternity. I guess I'll never really know. 

As we continued, the silence got so thick, so sharp, I could almost hear a buzzing in my ears. Is that the real sound of silence? It made sense back then. And just when I thought I couldn't take it any longer, it happened. It was so unexpected, so abrupt that for a moment I thought I was imagining things. But the next moment I knew it. I didn't even need Syaoran's pain to pin-point it for me. I knew we had reached our final destination.

A huge castle stood proudly in the very heart of the forest. It looked ancient, neglected and it was completely deteriorated. Ivy had grown all over its walls and towers, breaking in through the dusty windows. Despite all of that, one could tell it had been magnificent once. The structure was firm, the constructing materials of good quality, and the style was majestic, impeccable.

However, I noticed immediately there was something terribly wrong with it. I gazed at it, absorbed in it, but I couldn't find what was disturbing me. There was something horrible about it, but I just couldn't make out what it was. Reluctantly, I tore my gaze from it and looked at Syaoran. He, too, was so immersed in the sight of it, his face showed no signs of his rising pain.

"This is it," I whispered timidly, afraid to break the silence. He looked at me.

"I can tell…but how can you?" he asked softly. I shook my head. 

"I've been here before…I've never seen the outside of this castle, but I'm sure I've been here before…" I answered. Syaoran raised an eyebrow. I shook my head again. The words I spoke where as much of a shock to me as they were to him.

For a moment we only stared at each other. We both knew we had to enter that castle and face whatever was waiting for us inside. I feared what would happen to Syaoran if he set foot inside it. He feared what would happen to me if something did happen to him. I sighed.

"Maybe I should go in alone…" I offered lamely. Syaoran bit his lip.

"I was going to say the exact same thing…" he replied, and adopted a thoughtful look. "I guess there's no getting round the fact that this castle inspires a horrible feeling to both of us. That's why we want the other to stay as far away from it as possible…"

I nodded. That was exactly how I felt.

"Unfortunately," he went on, "I think it's best if we stay together. Splitting up is never a wise move and this won't be an exception. So, either we both try to find another way to get off this island, or…" He stopped himself.

I squeezed my eyes shut for what seemed like the hundredth time. Getting the hell away from the castle was very tempting, but I knew it wasn't really an option. There wasn't really a choice to be made. Syaoran was only pretending there was.

"You know what we have to do…" I stated, and opened my eyes. I looked at the construction again. Out of the corner of my eye I could see Syaoran closing his eyes in a similar way as I had just moments before.

"For better or worse…" I continued, talking both to him and myself. "It's the only way."

Syaoran opened his amber eyes and our looks met. They looked as beautiful as always, fiery and passionate. There was unquestionable fear in them, but also sheer determination. I knew, in that precise moment, he'd be with me till the very end. 

So I smiled at him. And it was an honest smile, too. It may have been weak, but it was a truly grateful one. No matter how desperate our situation was, no matter the terrifying evil that was waiting for us was, I still had to thank every god I knew for having Li Syaoran by my side. As long as he held my heart it would all be all right. 

"I love you," I whispered, yearning for his touch as I never thought I would be. He came as close as he could, keeping our skins safely apart.

"I love you too," he replied gazing into my eyes unblinkingly. Tears filled my own as my worst fear crossed my mind.

"Promise you'll never leave me," I pleaded with a thin voice. Syaoran had never yet broken a promise, and if there was any one I needed, that was it.

"I promise," he said softly. For a second the world faded away and there was nothing but his loving amber eyes…

But the magic was broken when his look clouded over.

"It is time."

***

It wasn't long until we found a door. It was right in the middle of the front part of the castle. It was very tall, incrusted with precious stones of every colour imaginable. I didn't know much about jewels, but I was able to make out diamonds, rubies, sapphires, amethyst and jade pieces. All of them were shinning oddly.

"How do you reckon we should open it?" Syaoran asked me. There wasn't a visible doorknob or anything like it. I bit my lip, conscious that Syaoran was watching my every move, and dreadfully placed my index finger over a rather large diamond in the centre of the door.

Slowly, noiselessly, the door opened. I avoided Syaoran's eye. He refrained from asking me any questions. I took a deep breath and stepped inside.

At once I felt the horrible memories coming back to me again. It was dark, so I couldn't see much, but just the feeling of breathing the stale air was a deadly reminder of the terrible experience I had been through. For a moment I froze. It can't have been more than one second, but it was all it took to let me know just how weak I was, just how dim our chances were.

"Come on," Syaoran whispered from behind. I moved aside so that he could enter too. Once he did, the door closed itself, just as I knew it would. Only when the exterior light had vanished completely I noticed we weren't in total darkness. Candles were spread all around the room, their flames faintly illuminating our surroundings. 

The room we were in belonged to another time. It was filled with the most beautiful antiques I've ever seen. Golden-framed mirrors, long wooden tables with matching chairs, attractive paintings on every wall… Yes, it was as if time had been stopped here. I knew better than to waste time admiring the objects, but I couldn't help myself. After a few moments, I managed to tear my gaze from them, took a deep breath and turned right. Syaoran followed me wordlessly. He knew better than to question me about it.

We walked through a hallway and reached a spiral staircase. Every step I took now was an agony, a thread of unpleasant thoughts and memories flowing harshly into my brain. I could hear Syaoran's ragged breath behind me. He didn't utter a single noise, but I knew he must be screaming inside due to the pain. I wanted so desperately to do something – anything – to ease his pain, but it was out of my reach to do so.

Suddenly, I found myself before a wooden door. I looked behind and saw Syaoran catching his breath, holding onto the hand rail of the staircase. Had we just walked up the stairs? I couldn't recall doing so. The last thing I remembered was standing before them, admiring the polished wood… Deciding to ignore that particular mystery, I concentrated my attention on the door.

It was fairly simple, compared to the rest of the castle, at least. It had an old golden doorknob and an inscription carved into the wood above. I couldn't recognize any of the symbols. 

"Is this it, Sakura?" I heard Syaoran speaking softly. I turned around to look at him and had to bit back a scream. He looked terrible! He was deadly white, his eyes looked blurry and unfocused and held a desperately painful look. I felt a pang of angst and regret cross me.

"Oh, Syaoran…" I whispered as tears filled my eyes. "Please, stop here…You're hurting yourself too badly…"

"I'll go on as long as I can carry myself, Sakura," he said shortly. "I thought we had already discussed it."

I lowered my eyes. "I'm sorry, I just…" I stopped myself because I didn't want to start crying all over again. I felt Syaoran's hand on my back and looked into eyes. His expression had softened.

"Sakura…" he whispered. "Let's just get going." I nodded, wishing the lump in my throat would just disappear. If I could only kiss him for just one second…

"Come on," he repeated softly. I nodded again.

Turning around, I placed my shaky hand over the doorknob. As scared as I was of turning it, I knew I had to. This was the moment I had been waiting for. It would all be over soon. The nightmare would finally end. One way or another, it would stop hurting so badly inside. I began turning the golden knob.

Yes, this was it. 

And my fait was awaiting me just seconds away…


End file.
